Hi!
It is about four in the morning in California. It’s been about six or so hours since my last sip of Crown.
I am 30 and have come to a strong realization that I have a very bad problem when it comes to drinking. My ulitmate favorite is Crown Royal. Straight, preferably a double neat in a bucket glass. Never stops with just one of course.
My family life is great, my relationship is excellent, and I have dreams of taking my art to a whole new level.My drinking is quickly destroying me and those around me. Crown is going to kill everything for me if I don’t get a grip. I am not announcing it to anyone, even to my boyfriend that I have downloaded this app in a desperate way to get help and talk to other people that are experiencing what I am.
I drink almost everyday if not everyday. I have been for about two years now (have always drank) but its getting worse and I can not seem to get a handle on it. I know I know, if I put my mind to it I can accomplish anything right?
Let me be truly honest with you all… I love love the taste, the smell, hell I know when Crown is watered down with even a drop of water and I avoid a local bar because of it. I don’t want to stop drinking which is the biggest problem of all. But if I don’t, I am terrified I will loose the ones I love and end up leaving this earth sooner than I’d like.
Any advice is greatly appreciated! I am not religious and don’t plan on being. I want to find a greater power in myself. Not in a God or anything else. Just me.
Also please excuse my misspellings and grammer. 
Hello @Ms.OverThis! I am a little like you. My poison was craft beers. Nothing could get me more excited than to try new IPAs and spend time with other beer connoisseurs talking about which beer has the best balance of malts and hops. At some point, I had to realize that while it was a great hobby to have (had I been able to handle it), it was ruining everything else around me. I often used my “love of the craft” to justify having 4 or 5 8% or above beers and getting drunk and becoming a person I no longer recognized. Was I able to drink without becoming that person? Sure. But the times when I took it overboard far outweighed the good. No drink is worth ruining your life over. It’s hard, and at times it’s not “fun”, but I believe that being alive and being a good person is much more desired than the taste of a favorite drink. I’m currently 16 days in and beginning to feel like myself again. My healthier hobbies have slowly been coming back. It’s worth it in the long run. You can do it!!
Thank you!
I think using humor helps me get around the big issue. Always excuses. I just need to find a replacement. A distraction if you will.
Totally understand what ur saying! My poison is wine… drank it nearly everyday for the past two years and it is definitely a progressive thing, want more, need more, drink more! Just the thought of it, be a commercial or spotting my wine glass out of the corner of my eye or any old occasion at all…I was always a bottle or two a day person, not the classy lady who has a glass of wine w dinner!! I love to drink, it’s all that comes with drinking that I hate. So I’m working on mentally associating the act of drinking; the satisfaction of a new bottle, popping that cork, filling that first glass, that first sip hit my lips- all those things that truly thrilled me- with the aftermath of drinking; all the embarrassment, guilt, shame, hangovers, disappointments…associating the two is helping me not to get into the car and go get a bottle.
What kind of art do you do? Try and focus all of your energy towards your art and everytime you have a craving, just keep working at it. I found, through the numerous times I’ve attempted sobriety, that keeping busy with something that you enjoy doing is a great distraction.
Pastis for me. I just loved it. And the ritual of course. Old bar or restaurant in the French countryside or overlooking a harbour, generous measure (triple) of Pastis (only from Marseilles) in a straight glass, separate carafe of cold water and a tumbler of ice. An ice cube and a moderate amount of water into the Pastis, the drink changes colour and 45 percent rocket fuel hits your brain as quick as a line.
And as you mention with your Crown, the look, smell, taste - perfect.
But then the addiction takes over and it starts to try kill you!
40 days sober and I’m slightly sad to say goodbye to my friend, but if Pastis was a person, she’d have been arrested for attempted murder by now, so best avoid ALL types of killer I reckon!
And the great news is that after a month the Crown Royal / Pastis becomes like an old ex - something you CAN do without and will occasionally fancy, but then you think best not.
May not like what I have to say…if you could do it on your own with sure will power alone, you would have already. The point of a higher power is admitting you’re powerless , that your life has become unmanageable, and you need to respect and look to something more powerful that yourself and quit putting alcohol on a pedestal. A higher power doesn’t have to be God. If you’re desperate enough, you’ll do anything, even if it’s uncomfortable to get sober. I’m not saying AA is the only way…i recommend researching to see what will work for you.
I’ll admit that I miss the taste…but I feel better now which makes it so worth it.
Good advice sweetheart
Im agreed With you @Melrm search be openminded for a better life for yourself @Ms.OverThis what do u got to loose ?
Embarrassment, guilt, shame and disappointment are things that sound so true to me after drinking! Thank you for sharing…
Love how you described everything. I like the “ex” concept. Great way to look at it. Thank you!
Thank you. Solid advice. You are absolutely right about needing help. I will start researching into a program. Do you know if there is any way to get financial help? I know a lot of the programs can be pretty expensive.
It was your post that got me thinking, so thank you!
When we start to admit still liking the look, taste, the ritual, the places and times, it’s only a short step away from 'It’s like I’m talking about an ex!'
Followed quickly by ‘it’s actually like an abusive ex!’, maybe a Glenn Close type, then I guess we get perspective into where we may have been headed!
@Ms.OverThis I’m not sure about rehab programs and how to pay for them…I believe insurance covers most of those. Anyone else know about this? I’m in AA but I heard S.M.A.R.T. program is beneficial as well. I’m sure some people on here know more about this. @Dan_Alexander?
Alcohol has destroyed me, my career and now my health. I am so sick of it.
Alcohol was such a big part of my life it actually defined me as a person. Like everyone in my school / social circle knew me as ‘that crazy wild girl that can outdrink anyone’. People would actually introduce me and add ‘She can drink 20 beers in one night out!’ Or new people I met would be amazed at how much alcohol I can handle. Most people in my life have never seen me drink anything but alcohol. We would meet for a coffee at 10 am and I’d drink beer.
I didn’t even know who I was without alcohol.
But it got so bad in the last year I totally fucked up my life, just all of it. I feel like I’ve thrown away 10 years of my life. For the past 3 years I did nothing but drink. I feel like I now have to start at the complete beginning and rebuild my life from scratch.
Don’t let yourself get to this point. If you see it’s getting worse, stop before you hit rock bottom. You will save yourself much hurt and guilt. Do read other people’s horror stories about addiction as someone else suggested.
Well said, my friends said same about me. We all have different stories but are trying to reach the same place in our minds. Doesn’t matter what we used. One drugs as bad as another if it owns us! That was my case with a mix of them.Stay strong everyone
Completely can relate I would buy wine then drink the whole bottle only to go get another until I pass out or call everyone on my phone making myself look like a right prat