One day back and ready for this for the last time

Back on. Had relapsed 2/17 after 4 plus months sober. Met my life partner in March 2017. Not an addict so I thought he’d help save me. Closet drank but he soon found out. He Loved me through it and supported my 7,000 attempts to get sober again for the next 9 mo. Then he had two major strokes in Dec 2017. I stayed sober for nearly 3 wks. Then once he was medically stable, started drinking almost daily. 2-3 strong beers on good night, adding in some hard liquor on bad ones. I haven’t missed a day with him and after him having two brain surgeries, 11 weeks in the hospital, being put in a shitty nursing home for 2 weeks, I persevered in advocating for him to go to an excellent rehab hospital. I can now breath and have a lot more faith in his rehabilitation prognosis. I am so tired of this addiction. I am tired of being sluggish. I am tired of restless night’s, I am just tired. So. I did a few things. Last week organized a weight loss challenge (I was clearly starting to use food again when I couldn’t drink) rejoined this forum and started back reading my old blog of when I got sober last time. I have to be the best me i can, for me , him, the kids, my job, etc. Thanks for listening! :heart:

11 Likes

I am also tired of the restless nights and being tired all the time. Just got to make it stick this time. I’m starting to feel my sanity depends on it. I have a loving wife and kids and they deserve a sober dad.

5 Likes

I’m on day 1, again. Been crying all morning and feel so guilty and upset with myself as I fell off the wagon yesterday. I’m so over the lies, and horrible headaches, guilt and exhaustion I always feel. I’ve never made it even a week and I’m hoping this time I overcome my addiction

5 Likes

Hang in there @Luluu we have all relapsed countless times but some how you will find the strength you need and overcome it. I am 302 days sober and tried probably 20 times or more, you aren’t alone with this pm me if you need any more support x

4 Likes

Good choice of being back into the forum here. Wishing you well and a speedy recovery for your partner.

2 Likes

Thank you @MeCarrieB!!! I can’t wait to be over 300 days, but I’m learning it’s one day at a time

2 Likes

Yes, so true. last night (my 1st night) was kind if easy because I stayed out at my parents house. Tonight the whole way home from seeing my boyfriend, I thought about having a beer. Had my little internal war but made it home. I had one beer left from the other day and told my daughter to dump it out. Now laying in bed proud to know I’m about to make it though night 2!. :heart:

6 Likes

Love that!

1 Like

One day at a time is the only way I know how… today I am not having that first drink, because that’s all it takes for me to start again…It’s been tough, I felt grotty, headaches and a bit meh for the first 3 months altho this was better than hangovers. To feel healthy and nourish my body I ate tons of nice fruit, strawberries, grapes, blueberries and this helped with the sugar craving too. Ten months in I feel calm, happy and healthy, no cravings at all although I have avoided to many social drinking situtions, New years eve was my first sober for 23 years :grin:. Keep going one day at a time, it will get easier x

4 Likes

Well it’s really exciting in a way when you are finally ready. I had that similar “ I’m done with this” moment and I’m 21days sober. Take it day by day and do your best to not let stressful days get you down. I started lifting weights or looking up new complicated recipes I’ve never tried. I love to cook and bake. Especially when I feel stressed keeping busy has been key!
Good luck to you!

5 Likes

That’s what I really had to learn, it’s never “just 1” for me, or if it was it was because I had a bottle before I left. All it does it make me feel awful and ashamed, yet I kept repeating the cycle and it controls me. I’m done. The anxious feelings are hard, but I try to focus on how much better I feel each day. I need to find a new way to deal with stress, sadness and joy because I dealt with each emotion with wine. I used to be hooked on the gym, so I’m planning to get back to that

4 Likes

Those are great tips! I used to work out all the time and looked great, then stopped as I was always hung over (gained 30 pounds), or told my fiancé I was going to the gym, but secretly drank wine in my car from my “water bottle”. I plan to actually start going to the gym and I love cooking!

3 Likes

Had to reset :pensive:

Don’t dwell on it too much, we have all been there, keep your chin up , you can do this :heart_eyes: x

1 Like

Ok. Figure out what triggered you and move on. I’m on day 5 now. Horrible headache the last two days. Forced myself to Zumba last night. It was the first workout I have had since my boyfriend went in the hospital in Dec because I have felt guilty doing for me. It felt great and i slept better than I have been. You deserve this and I believe you will make it. So you fell…get back up and do it again. Maybe try a meeting if you can when you feel like you aren’t going to be string enough on your own…or come on here! :heart:

2 Likes

Don’t feel too bad about it. It’s true, we’ve all been there a lot of times. Just be proud of every single sober day and don’t worry too much about resetting the counter. I’m only at day 6 again but I had 10, 16, and 21 days before 47 sober days … and I will win the fight because I’m getting stronger and feeling better every time. And this forum is simply amazing :heart_eyes: you definitely can check in here anytime and you’ll get help. Just scroll through so threads I’m sure it helps … they are full of interesting stories.

3 Likes

I’ve noticed over the years (once I started drinking regularly) ~Aug 2009 - that the days I do go to the gym, I get my endorphins from exercise. Now on the days I don’t make it (chronic pain, fatigue, etc.), there is a direct correlation to wanting to drink. Getting to the gym in the morning usually sets me up to have a good day. But, more recently, I’ve started lamictil for mood swings and it’s actually working, and now I don’t even want to drink. I guess I was self-medicating with alcohol.

3 Likes

I used to work out all the time. I was off yesterday and told myself I was going to go to the gym and never went. I really need to get back to it as it makes me feel so much better.

2 Likes

Thank you! I agree, this forum is so helpful!!! I’m not feeling well at all today and slept terrible so I need to remember that feeling to help me stop.

1 Like

I’m the same. I take of everyone except myself. I need to make myself a priority and get healthy bc I’m only hurting myself

1 Like