I’m divorced with a son, I don’t consider myself an alcoholic, but I don’t really know what would make someone one. What I do know is that I fucked up big time because of alcohol. After my divorce I fought to keep my relationship with my son and to be responsible for his needs, I fought in court for the time I have with him, I fought not to miss a day of work during an extremely agressive divorce, I fought to be a good father, I fought to take my son to places he would enjoy, to be strong for him, I never had a drink while he was with me, I believed that was enough.
But while I fought for those things, I forgot about myself, my own life, the only way I could manage every night, every weekend, alone, was by drinking and smoking. It seemed fine, we just came back from Disney World, he is doing great at school, my ex-wife was finally calming down. I told myself this is normal, this is life, is OK, you only drink and smoke weed when you are alone.
Last Friday my reality check happened, I got arrested for a DUI, spent the weekend in jail, I couldn’t pick up my son that Saturday, my ex-wife is upset and starting legal action against me to reduce my time with my son, I have court dates to worry about, hearings to attend, two lawyers. I already spent thousands of dollars with more to come. I have a criminal record now, one that could impact the amount of time I spend with my kid and my ability to fight for what I think is best for him.
One stupid, irresponsible, idiotic mistake and I undid years of blood and work, I’m back at square one… I can’t do this anymore, I can’t risk it anymore.
So I’m done, not a single drop more, not a single hit again, I will fight to get myself out of this hell but this time my idiocy won’t undo it, and maybe this time I will also develop a life for myself that doesn’t revolve around escaping my loneliness trough addictive behaviors.