Wow. Thank you so much, that’s very helpful & insightful 
It’s really tough for me to live in the moment. Have to really work on that. I’m always either longing for the past, wallowing in nostalgia (back to my childhood, wishing I could go back in time 20 yrs), or stressing about the future…I am a planner and strategist by nature. It’s beyond exhausting to always be playing the mental game of “what is real vs what is not real”.
Thank you for your response. It means a lot to me!
I relate to that big time. Part of me wants to take my dog, leave everything, and move to Seattle like I’ve always wanted. I always said I’d never stay in MA after living my whole life here…and yet, I am 3 days from buying a house here. I love my girlfriend and am excited about the house together. Conversely, I have this nagging feeling that I miss my old life, living alone, and doing my own thing 100% of the time. Theres some allure to that.
This too.
That’s true, I did mention that. Great memory on you. I actually often forget about that this is in play in my head a lot of the time. It wasn’t a diagnosis that I ever got too in depth about exploring.
Thanks for the kind words, goat. I am going to do my best.
I have a life that I could have never dreamed of as a kid… and didn’t blow it all up yet with everything I have done. I am fortunate and learning to be grateful. Yet I still have that feeling that there is something out there, a better way, that will complete me and make me feel whole. At least now we can see this coming on and deal with it proactively instead of picking up the pieces after.
That is all we can do my friend. We just have to remember, perfection is the enemy of good. Good luck on the closing!!
I struggle with the “grass is always greener” stuff. It kills me. My girlfriend is great. The house is awesome. Job is solid. 5 years ago, I couldn’t imagine any of this for myself. But, it always “what if”…what if I am better suited to be with someone else, what if a better life is waiting for me somewhere else, what if I am making the wrong decision…and so on. The kicker is that “what ifs” are exponential. For every “what if”, there is 5 more that branch off it. It gets so tiring to mentally hash out scenarios that have never, and might never happen.
I get lost in “what if” world pretty regularly.
Try this. What could happen if I could just enjoy where I am today? What if I allow everything I am doing to bring contentment for me? What if I’m in the perfect place for where I belong right now? Worrying about the future won’t bring you peace. It’s super hard to shut that off, but really try to redirect your thoughts. I find if I give too much energy to my worries, they can come true. Same with the things that make me happy, if I focus on that-more comes. Don’t self sabatoge if you can help it. We all do it, but what your energy goes into I often find it comes back to you. Choose wisely! 
Hugs!!!
You are one smart cookie 
I will try this out. I reckon it will take time, since second-guessing and being full of doubt are just my default and have been for a very long time. I will try. Thank you
Grounded. Full moon, thunderstorms, torrential downpours and lightening-the air is super charged and really cool! I feel connected.
I’m glad I could help!
Thankful! I am thankful that I have been sober 18 days. I am thankful for my children. I am thankful my house and the things that I can have. I am thankful for another day.
Unfocused. Just a bit scatter brained today…
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I think we all struggle with the what ifs and the second guessing. The old thinking of “If I only knew then what I know now” type of thinking. Well if you knew it then, you wouldn’t know what you know now because things likely would be different. Some better, some worse. I am happy with where I am today, @MandiH laid it out perfectly, I enjoyed that comment immensely. Takes a lot of work to stay humble and to be grateful for what you do have in the present.
Keep trudging man, it’s a lifelong pursuit, and the joy is in the journey not the destination.
Unfocused is okay. You’ve undergone quite the week for someone in early sobriety and you didn’t run to the quick fix, growth happens outside of your comfort zone and as long as you are sober you will grow and regain your focus. You’ve done good and put your sobriety first.
When 1 door closes another opens. Just stay on the path, stay in His light and you’ll find your way.
Grateful. 
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Thank you. I spoke to my gf about how I was feeling about things and felt better after. Not entirely resolved, but better. I just have to take the ride and not get wrapped up in the “what ifs”. Thinking about those will only dampen the experience, a waste of energy that could go towards more positive feelings.
I’ll try to work on saving thinking about the “what ifs” for when they get here, if they ever do.
Well I’m putting this as a note on my phone and keeping it forever. you’re so fabulous.
It would have to be Focused 
Exhausted - just getting ready to start my 7th day of work in a row.