So im on my fourth day clean I have been using heroin for the past 4 years and I’ve lost everything slowly but surely it all got pawn sold rrepoed . Everything I work so hard for I had no respect for. I Went real quick from having everything to having absolutely nothing my addiction took everything from me my family the trust that they had for me it just got so bad. The only time that I’ve been cleaning in the past four years is 2 times 3 months and the other for 6 months and the only reason I was clean is because I was in jail. So I just got out of jail in June and I started using again and a month-and-a-half ago I wound up being in the hospital for endocarditis for the second time but this time I didn’t make it to ICu only by the grace of God and I just got out of the hospital less than a week ago I use the same day even after a doctor said there and told me if I use I am going to die I’m going to kill myself. I’m just at this point where I just can’t go on anymore I’m just over it I’m sick and tired of waking up and figuring out how I’m going to get high that day who I’m going to get high with who I’m going to get something from it’s just not fun anymore I’m a zombie literally I felt like a walking zombie and I don’t want to die I want to live I want my family back I want my life back. I have 2 kids I haven’t been with me for the past 3 years and I was a great mom before I started using I was in college had a wonderful fiance. Awesome family I honestly had nothing missing from my life but I got in an accident and as soon as those doctors prescribe me those pills it was like I just thought wow I cannot believe that I was missing out on this this is really what I was missing in life which was a awesome high at that time at first it was fun it was enjoyable I have energy I could do whatever and towards the end it was not fun anymore it was survival it was I needed it morning noon and night I couldn’t wake up without making sure I had something in the morning and usually I would wind up doing whatever I had for that next morning so I wouldn’t be sick so I won’t up having to go out and find something anyways sick at that time and just miserable I was a walking zombie I was losing my I lost my identity I wasn’t losing it I have lost it at that point so basically it’s my 4th sober and I’m not going to say that I’m feeling completely great because I’m not but at this point in time I can honestly say I don’t feel like getting high though I just feel like when you’re done you’re done and I know it’s going to be a struggle and I’m scared and I don’t know really what to do except right now but I’m sober and I’m planning on staying that way thank you for listening to my story and that’s all I’ve got right now so thanks
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Today is day 26 for me! It’s not been easy, it’s been a struggle, but it’s so with it! TodY I feel great. I’m healthy and feel happy. Don’t give up, keep fighting the fight! Attend some meetings. I attend a lot of different one from AA, NA, HA, CA. Keep your head up, you’re doing great things!