"Outed" at a family function: a rant. Sorta


#1

Went to a family function last night. All was great, but I’m not particularly open about my recovery with his family. Its not important to me that that know, and it’s never come up. My s/O’s brother brought in a bottle , took a drink and offered his mother one. I was fully prepared to decline a drink when it got to me, buuuut my boyfriend mouthed " put that bottle away now" to his brother while I wasn’t looking. Long story short, I ended up having to explain my drinking problem to his entire family.
Embarrassing and not helpful to my anxiety. BUT I didnt drink, and now my s/o knows he doesnt have to worry about booze being on the table. :clap::clap::clap:


#2

This sort of situation really gets under my skin. I have had the pleasure of others telling people “oh no he wont have any he doesn’t drink” or “make sure you dont give any booze to him” BEFORE I AM EVEN ABLE TO OPEN MY OWN MOUTH AND SPEAK FOR MYSELF.

It’s so frustrating when in your head you have already played the situation over and your ready to say “oh no thanks not tonight” and then someone from accross the room says “Dont you dare give steve any of that beer!” One of my friends likes to do that when we hangout, he thinks he is helping me out but it just pisses me off. Like he’s the one who saved me from drinking. No, asshole, you just didnt let me say anything. lol

Really sorry you had to go through that but i guess sometimes other people think they are helping, not realizing that what they said could cause you unnecessary anxiety.


#3

Exactly, it’s my recovery, and its not your place to save me from my own decision making. Its alcohol, its everywhere.

We had a chat about it and he understands that’s not something I need from him now, but it was supremely embarrassing at the time.


#4

What a bummer. It sounds like you talked it out in a healthy way. Glad he understands now!


#5

That’s kinda like running up to an AA member in public and being like: Hey! I know you from AA, when they are with a bunch of people. He probably meant well, but when about it the wrong way. Our not drinking is a change for everyone around us to. Many people don’t know how to act around us or get uncomfortable. It’s good he wants to be supportive, but there’s an adjustment period as he learns how to do it properly. On the bright side you at least got that awkward moment out of the way so now you can just focus on not drinking.


#6

Guess it’s all part of the learning curve.

You’re telling me I cant call out aa members in public?? Good to know. Lol. I go to my first one tonight.


#7

Hi @Beechasebee, I can understand your embarrassment. My older brother would take great delight in showing me up in a similar situation.
I think we need to be mindful that some members of our society do attach a negative stigma to recovering alcoholics.
For example, an employer may over look someone for promotion because they may relapse.
I think the anonymous part of AA is important.
Have a great Sober day!


#9

That would frustrate me. When my daughter (10 at the time) outed me it was funny. Someone offered me a free glass of wine and she piped up and said “she’s non-alcoholic”. We all laughed. Still it was a bit embarrassing too. But in your story, my SO would have gotten a talking to later.


#10

Yeah. Not too considerate. But! Sounds like you didn’t let it run your night or ruin your resolve! So, in the end:

You: winninnnnggggggggg.


#11

As a general rule no, but many of us don’t care. I mean I’m friends on Facebook with tons of AA. Usually if I see an AA in public I will talk with them if they are alone, but I don’t bring up how we know each other. If they are with people I will let them approach me and just give a nod. It’s like being part of a secret club.

Let us know how your meeting goes.


#12

I was totally joking about calling other aa members out in public. Guess that doesnt come across in writing very well. Oops.


#13

I kinda figured you were, but it is tough to tell. We use italics for the sarcasm font lol


#14

I just figured out how to use it. sigh


#15

Thank god no one has done that to me :rofl:. I’m not good at keeping my trap shut and would have told them to shut the f up. Especially if it was my husband.
I used my facebook as a platform to show everyone what quitting drinking was like. From my first post, at 60 days sober, I was brutally honest. Including everything that happened after sobering up, and having some troubling issues, then finding out I had a mental illness. The amount of support people showed on, and off the book was amazing. I have always found complete honesty to be the best route for me. I know it is hard, though.
Way to stick to your guns!


#16

I got outed yesterday at the election polls by my neighbor who was there. She said to the people and me, ‘Now that we all put our ballots in and voted we can go do a little day drinking.’ Then she looked over at me and said, ‘oh except for you. You can go get yourself a big cold glass of milk.’ My jaw just dropped. It was so awkward. I just politely smiled and walked away.


#17

Um, what a bitch. I really hate when people do that to me. My mothers-in-law do that frequently. Its so uncomfortable.