Not surprising a month into sobriety, things are up and down. Feeling down tonight, thinking about the time (now around 4 years ago) that the person I was dating brought it up to me that I might be an alcoholic.
That relationship was riddled with emotional abuse and he himself was a coke addict, but I still remember the panic and sting of those words. Scrambling to find excuses for myself. I know often emotional problems and addiction are inevitably tied together. But tonight - can’t help feeling like crap about it, and the years of downward spirals that followed, and how many people probably saw and thought that was all I was and all I ever would be. How many people distanced themselves, which left me confused and hurt. When I came out a week ago about my sobriety, I definitely over thought about the people who responded with “Proud of you” ect and instead of feeling good, it kind of made me feel like crap. How do you cope with outsiders seeing you as nothing but a pattern?
For someone who struggles with control (one of the reasons I started to binge drink in the first place) It’s always been hard for me to accept.
It’s none of our business what other people think about us. We cannot change the past, we cannot live for the future, we must live for today in the moment. Stick with this thing called sobriety, i promise it gets better.
We have to learn to let go. What has happened has happened. We can no more change this than grow wings and fly to the moon. No matter how much we would want to.
Again, like Dan says above, we don’t know what tomorrow brings either, all we can do is deal with today, now.
Your anxiety is common, but be assured, on the whole the only person who is going to be worried and affected by this is you. And we do no good to our mental health living in the past.
Start today to build a better version of you, someone who knows they can and will make mistakes because you know you are not perfect.
What has already been said is great and useful advice. Also, you’ll stop caring what outsiders think of you, or care much less. You know who you are and what you are about, nobody else has insight in this, your internal workings, and has any business judging you, and if they do, that again is not your business. I find I surround myself much less with ppl I don’t know well and am less afraid to keep my distance when I feel there is no understanding or interest other than “seeing me as a pattern”. This used to fucking eat me up, not being understood and being judged by others. I would loose so much sleep over it and never have peace of mind, ever. Terrible. You’ll learn to extract yourself from this dynamic. You owe nothing to nobody.
All the best to you.
The past is the past. Don’t think about what other people think and feel, it’s a total waste of your energy. I’m proud of you! In fact all of us on here are proud of you. This shit is hard! Take a deep breath and focus on you! When I have times when my head just won’t switch off I get up and do something else to think about. We’re here for you and YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE my friend. Part of this is learning to sit with these feelings. I heard someone say, when these thought come into your mind, invite them in, sit with them for a while then wish them well and let them leave. Trying to control them is pointless so just let them roll through. Good job on reaching out hunny!
What has happened has happened. You can’t change the past but you can learn from it. Learn to forgive yourself and maybe in time forgive others. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget or that you are excusing what has happened. Forgiveness is accepting reality and finding ways to live in a state of resolution so you can moving forward. Give yourself some slack, new behaviours and patterns are skills we need to learn. Remind yourself that you are doing your best you can and move forward to self-love.
I suffer daily from anxiety and when mix with alcohol, the thoughts were so deep suicide was my only option. I felt like I was shouting to the world but nobody was listening. I have been through a lot the last few years, but I now realise only I can change, I am not responsible for others thoughts, actions and behaviours. I hate the things I have done, as it was so out of character, I suppose we all have demons when the bottle hit us. I struggle with self-esteem and think the world sees me as a failure. I felt I deserved to be cheated on, bullied, humiliated, hated etc, but I now focus on the important people in my life, my children, my family, few close friends etc. I am finding ways to move away from the toxic people in my life and basically ignoring them, their negativity motivates me to succeed.
You can overcome this and in time others opinions will change towards you and realise you are serious. Moving from the past is overwhelming as we have so may regrets, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Remember you are just important as everyone else. We believe in you and you can do this
Very few people will trust addicts like us after several relapses and broken promises. We have no one else to blame but us. So i take the responsibility and accept the consequences of my past behaviours. And try not to care about others opinions, after all I cant change that. Focus on yourself, your well-being and sobriety and everything else wont matter as much as we thought it did.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget or that you are excusing what has happened. Forgiveness is accepting reality and finding ways to live in a state of resolution
This just there! Some powerful words, this really resonates with me on my journey so far. Wise words @Bluebell
We obsess about things. Sometimes it’s where we’re going to get our next hit. Or setting things up (access, timing, routine) for using. Or thinking about using.
Another part of addiction is obsessing about people. “I’m terrible”, “What are they thinking about me” - whether we’re obsessing about ourselves or others’ perceptions of us, it’s still obsessing.
Obsessing is one form of avoiding dealing with our own shit. And that’s what addiction is all about. Escaping life, running away from our reality, running away from - being.
Work your recovery, reflect, join a recovery group, meditate, exercise, rest, communicate. Gradually as you start building healthier patterns in your life, the obsessing will fade away.
Best of luck - and remember: never give up. You’re a good person, a worthy person, and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
Hi, I know what you mean about overthinking things. I do too. You have now made a change for you and that’s great. Everyone has issues but we are probably perfectionists and extra hard on ourselves more so.
One thing I am trying to tell myself when I start thinking what others may think is that it’s really none of my business what they think or not. We have to try and block it out and focus on our recovery.
It takes a lot to admit our weaknesses and even more to change, so you are already so far ahead than you think.
Will think on all this!
