Last night I went out to dinner with my fiancee and her sister and brother in law. I’ve been having a really hard time with my anxiety lately, mostly due to me getting black out 2 weeks ago and creating an issue with her parents. So I decided I’m going to stay sober and not cause anymore issues and work out my the problems I have already caused.
Well she knows I’m not drinking, I have never made it an issue that she likes to drink, and I never even bring it up. So everyone orders beers at dinner and I get a diet coke. Her sister jokes around with me and I tell her I’m just not on the mood.
Fast forward 2 hours later, we get home and she immediately gets pissed at me and asks me what my problem is. She tells me to just drink like a normal person and only have a few. I tell her I’m not in a good place and alcohol will only make me feel worse. She replies with “well I can’t be with someone who doesn’t drink”.
I don’t know how to handle this situation. Our relationship is already on edge because of me (and the stupid stuff I do when I’m drunk). I never once asked her to stop drinking, we have a ton of alcohol in the house which makes it tempting for me but I never told her anything about getting rid of it. I even bought her wine the other day. But now she doesn’t want to drink alone.
She sounds like shes being selfish.Your partner should want you to be happy and have the best version of your life.She doesnt seem to want that for you she just wants you to be drinking so she doesnt have to feel bad. This shows that its not just you. She has work to do too. You keep up your sobriety.
Sounds like a discussion is in order. No one in the heat of the moment cuz that would just be a fight. Tell your girl how you feel about you and alcohol. You love each other. Remember that.
Thanks for the insight, I feel guilty that I have a problem and now she has to deal with it but I also feel that feeling guilty about it isn’t healthy.
Yeah for sure, having that important of a discussion gives me nothiing but anxiety hence the problem with numbing myself all the time with alcohol. Guess it’s a good time as any to accept all the pain for once and stop self medicating.
It’s not easy pal. It’s a bitch. But your head is going in the right direction. A lot of us have had that guilt that we can’t drink like our spouses. It’s a normal feeling to want to share everything with them. And as silly as it sounds, we do feel guilty in early sobriety that we can’t drink together anymore.
It’s a very hard thing for someone who doesn’t have a problem with alcohol to understand. They just don’t get it. They don’t understand that we can’t just drink like they do. And that’s okay as long as they don’t chastise us for it. That’s not healthy for anyone involved. You should never have to apologize for bettering yourself. That’d be like getting mad at your partner for getting treatment for cancer. This shit is as real as that.
Maybe Google some AlAnon literature. AlAnon is like AA for the family members. It may help you to better explain your feelings and what you need from your partner.
