After hearing all about my journey to 246 days AF, the conversation ended with my friend telling me she is off to a party this wkend and sunday will be a “writeoff”, as in, drank so much that cant do anything (we are all familiar I think).
I felt no jealousy or like I was missing out. I kind of felt like, wow, you hear all my journey, esp how sobriety affected my social life, how I avoided places people were drinking, etc, and then tell me youre going to get wasted.
My 30th is in May and she made fun of me by saying we will go have mocktails somewhere “because you should be able to go to nice places too”. Drinking holes are not nice places!! I don’t miss them!! I dont mind having mocktails! They’re a rip off anyway!! I make cheaper healthier AF drinks at home!! I don’t miss alcohol! Im happy to have a sober 30th!!! I dont even need a party!!! Id rather go on a retreat!
…I didnt have it in me to say how I felt, I just laughed Part of me thinks I just took it all negatively and she didnt mean it that way at all.
If you don’t want to drink, think your life better without it, why should you care if your friend gets piss-drunk this weekend or wants to share “mocktails”?
You decided to be better, and now you are better. Let her have her boozy weekend. Let her think you are missing out. You know the truth: you ain’t missing a damn thing. Just keep getting better at getting better each and every day.
I’m learning that people who are not alcoholics have absolutely no idea what to say to those of us who are when the subject of drinking comes up. Do they hide their own consumption? Tell us about it so that we feel “normal?” Come across as condescending if they offer to go get tea with us? Are mocktails okay? Do they just say hi and then try like hell to avoid THE ALCOHOLIC?
A long time friend of mine still whispers when she asks someone in my presence if they would like a drink. (At first I wanted to say, "I’m a drunk! I’m not deaf!). For me, I am finally able to accept that it just takes time. I don’t care if my friends go on massive benders. They can, and I cannot. They will feel like hell the next day, and I will not. They knew me for a very, very long time as a heavy drinker. I can’t expect it to feel totally normal to them that now I am not. The only thing I can control is how I act in those awkward situations. Today, that is really thankful to be sober. The rest just doesn’t matter.
My friends may have a couple drinks to unwind after work. They may have a few more than usual watching a football game. They may get together at the local tap room. Good for them.
Me? I unwind at my martial arts classes 3-4 evenings a week. After class I am studying for licensure to become a certified financial planner. I’m in my garage dojo most mornings, honing my skills. By the time my workday starts, I am awake, alert, full of post exercise endorphins, oxygenated blood pushed by a well conditioned heart, driving a mind sharpened by discipline. Sundays aren’t spent watching sports, drinking. They are spent with my family, doing stuff, building memories.
In two more years I will likely hold black belts in two styles, be in better shape at 55 than my friends were at 40, have a twilight career working for myself, and strong bonds with family.
I had a co worker tell me I needed to go back to drinking cause I was more fun, seemed happy etc. Well I seemed happy cause of alchohol. However I am a lot quieter but, I am much happier. We used to hang out and stay at the bars from 8am till maybe 3 pm. Hitting both happy hours. After a few times of him giving me shit for being sober and saying I was wipped. I basically stopped talking to him. Didnt it suck, yes. But I couldn’t stand that negativity anymore.
I’m looking forward to my 40th in March. I’ll be sober and enjoy the company of my new sober friends. Hubby is making prime rib. I’m inviting a handful of chill friends. We’ll play cards, laugh, eat good food, have great conversation and remember everything because we’ll be sober😀
Hello! I’ve recently started reading his book called “the unexpected joy of being sober” and it’s amazing!
I’m over 3 weeks sober and have only been out once (I’m staying away from bars/pubs/restaurants to safeguard my sobriety) and have already been called boring. It’s kind of annoying but it’s also true as the first few outings you’re still trying to discover how to deal with feelings and emotions. Anyways, right now I’m trying to read and research as much as I can to understand more about getting sober and being sober. This book is helping normalize being sober and I think it’s a great tool. I’m attaching two pages that I think will help:
Meh people who aren’t sober can’t always say the exact right thing. Be thankful you have a friend who isn’t sober, who is thinking of you for your birthday plans. Who cares if she wants to get wasted this weekend, it’s her life- not yours. Even after listening to your story, she’s just being honest. Also, congrats on almost a year!! That must feel great
Well, she is where she is at. Not everyone will share in your journey or understand it and if she wants to get wasted, it is her life. I think a retreat sounds awesome for your 30th. What a spectacular gift to yourself!!!
Part of me thinks I just took it all negatively and she didnt mean it that way at all.
yes, I get what you are saying completely
