Today is the first day of me accepting the fact that I am an addict. I’ve known it for a long time but this year it has gotten out of control. Where do I start? By 19, I got a DUI. By 21, I was bartending and drinking almost every day. Sometimes on the job too. After college, I moved in my with (hopefully forever) man. He works weekends and I work weeks. Haven’t been able to spend a lot of time with him and the impending biological clock just keeps on ticking. I’ve always wanted to get married and have a baby but it feels like I’m ruining my relationship. When I drink, I get sad. Really sad. I cried at the Thanksgiving table in front of his family. Then proceeded to binge drink for the next 3 days. My nonna did pass away on Thanksgiving. And will all of the added family drama and COVID… it’s been crazy. I’m so stressed out and anxious that I feel like I need to drink to calm myself. Sometimes even before a big work meeting (I work from home). I’m tired of being sad, I’m tired of waking up feeling awful, I’m tired of feeling embarrassed for getting drunk and crying. So, today. It starts. I don’t want to tell my partner about this because I’m not ready to admit it to him. I’m on here to get some insight and support. To see if I can do this with all of you folks out there. If I can do this without having to announce it to my friends and family. I know that’s the opposite of what I should be doing but I’m too embarrassed. I’m thinking of just saying “I’m on a detox” if offered a drink. Does anyone have any advise on keeping this from friends and family?
Firstly congratulations on the first and hardest step! It’s a brave thing and tough to do. Take it day by day and feel free to reach out for help!! 2020s been fucking rough all round for sure!
@Cnv Hey there. Welcome to the group! We’re here for you. Personally, I would recommend listening to the Recovery Elevator podcast. It’s really helpful for this. I would also say, consider “burning the ships.” It’s really hard to get out of an addiction when you’re pretending you don’t have one in front of others. It may take time to get there, but ultimately, it has to happen. If you really want out, you’ll have to build a life that doesn’t keep you trapped. In the meantime, keep coming here and being honest! We will support you all the way! Here’s to the first day! 
I am in a very similar situation. I’ve known for a long time do but never wanted to do about it because I always told myself it wasn’t affecting my life. I have a good job, nice enough house, I pay my bills…why shouldn’t I get to drink if I want to. This yr with covid and being home more ive been drinking more and more. Went on a 2 day binge starting on Thanksgiving that I still don’t know why I did. Im at 1.5 days sober right now and despite feeling a little rough, I feel 100 times better than if I was hungover. This is a great group I’ve learned in the last couple days. Hang in there, you can do it
Thank you for your support! That was my first post and man… a few responses in just a few minutes! This is so great 
That’s what this is all about especially in the first few days every bit of help counts! Oh and I just realized your a girl do say your not drinking because you want to get healthy to have kids it’ll be pretty much the truth anyway
Thanks @Drave ! I’m very surprised on how quickly people are responding. I love this kind of support! Holidays are always going to be hard. I definitely have a lot of social anxiety. Well, I don’t think it’s noticeable since I just drink to numb it. And as far as work goes - the more I think about it, I’ve been a high functioning addict. I work in IT, got a cute place, cute cat, and nice man. Responsibilities for sure. I just need to refocus my free time on things I like to do instead taking the easy way out.
Yes - you are very right. I have these awesome healthy kicks and then one day will throw it all out of wack. I know I need to take care of myself before taking care of another life. Thanks for the reminder 
Thanks @cwak ! I was reading through someone’s post who mentioned that podcast and I just started following it! Thanks for the recommendation and support! Happy to be a part of this 
Welcome and congratulations. You have taken the biggest step imo by accepting you have a problem and admitting it to yourself. Take baby steps, one day, possibly one hour or even one moment at a time. This is an amazing community and thanks to people’s shares there is a wealth of knowledge here. Use the magnifying glass and search your questions or topics. Read, read, read and read some more.
If you can. . .it helped me. . .say you’re not drinking today. Today is the most important day and you can do this. Just don’t take that 1st drink and start reading.
I look forward to hearing how today went.
Thank you for your support! I’m looking forward to being on here and communicating with other people who have been working towards sober living. Today, I am still a little hungover. Hangovers for me have been sticking around for about 2 days. The last thing I want to touch is alcohol right now. I’ll most likely feel better tomorrow but I don’t want my craving to come back when I feel good again. It’s going to be hard to kick it but as of now I’m hanging in there!
Write down all the shitty parts that you just went through and are experiencing right now. Tuck this list away and pull it out when you have your next craving.
Before I read this I had already written a page on all the things that have caused me to drink. It’s a long one. Also starting a positive mantra per week. This week is - I am loved and supported by many. I should not feel alone.
I thought of the L in HALT.
I’m kind of in the same place. I like drinking and just completed building a bar… But I feel like it is messing with my health. I don’t work out as much as I should because I’m hungover or dehydrated. On football Sunday I had a friend come over and we each drank a six pack. He left and I got another six pack. 12 beers on a week night! Sleep like shit and feel like shit. I’m sooo over feeling like this. My wife and I are doing sober weekdays for a bit but I feel like I need a much longer break. Hang in there we are all fighting the same monster. I’m sitting here typing this realizing I have drank every day but 2 days since covid started in March… Pretty crazy when you look at that way. Good luck!
Hope your day got better as it went along and remember tomorrow is a new day. One Day At A Time (ODAAT) you’ve got this.
A big part of recovery is honesty. I personally wouldn’t advise from keeping it from family and friends. That doesn’t mean you have to shout from the roof top that you are addicted and are trying to stop. I would maybe suggest easing into. No matter what you do just remember why you want to stop and all the negative ways being addicted effected your life. Soon with each day you’ll start adding up the positive ways becoming sober has bettered your life. Best of luck with your journey… and it truly is one day at a time. Stay strong, dig deep. 
Welcome and congratulations. What you’ve already accomplished is pretty significant and you should be proud. But there really is no “you should be doing” you said it yourself that you want to feel better, so whether you tell people or not really doesn’t much matter as long as your helping yourself! You’ve come to the right place for support and wisdom. This is a Great group of people
Welcome! you took a good step for your health and happiness.
On the advice part… honesty is the best. but also personal I guess.
Honesty in admitting it to yourself is the first and most important one that might take time.
I remember for me, talking abut this achy feeling in the back of my mind of having a problem with addictive patterns with family years ago led to chaos. and still does.
they are unwilling to hear or see it and claim that I do not have a problem with that. And even shame me in public. I tried so hard to get their approval on my shortcomings that it cost me more in the end…
But I live alone and no one was aware of my patterns behind closed doors. So I let that go for now.
But would I advice it any other person… not realy. the opposite of addiction is connection. So if time comes and you have people that care for you, they will want to know how awkward it might be.
Good luck on your journey! This group is awesome!
I’ve drank almost everyday this year except for the really bad hangover days. Sometimes it was a few glasses of wine and other it was vodka all day long. After a 4 day bender of drinking over Thanksgiving, I realized I needed to seek help. Find a support system. I didn’t want to tell my partner about me being on here but I did. It was hard. Fought back tears and felt embarrassed. He said he would stop drinking as much. 3 beers 3 times a week. So, 9 beers. He’s also hid the vodka (even though I know exactly where it is) I haven’t touched it in 2 days. Little steps right? He even recommended I start journaling. He’s known I’ve been under a lot of stress and anxiety for most of this year but hasn’t tried to intervene until now when I’ve “come clean”. I’m happy we both have come to terms with my unhealthy way of dealing with stress/anxiety.
Yesterday was AF for both myself and my partner. But I haven’t been sleeping well over the past week. Cold sweats. This morning I did some lazy yoga but it still felt good. I’ve also been drinking water and Gatorade. My stomach is still a mess and haven’t been able to eat too much.
This morning after yoga, I told my uncle I was detoxing and trying to focus on my health. He was very supportive. I still don’t like the guilty feeling that I’m drawing more attention to myself in a time like this. My nonna (grandma) just past away and I wish I didn’t act out as much over Thanksgiving. Still feeling embarrassed. My energy should have been directed more on my mom, aunt, and uncle.
Thank you @Dragonflygirl82 @Squirt @Jnel @JustJess88 @Maria for all the inspiration, motivation, advice, and personal reflections. It truly helps.
Sounds like you have a very supportive partner & that’s great. So do for yourself what you told your uncle. Focus your energy on you & I promise it will be worth it.