So I got 2 weeks today. Yippee!! And I am really excited. I usually start off every year trying to be healthy and sober on my own and I do pretty good. Then comes my January birthday. And I succumb to temptation. This year is no different. Especially since I’m turning 60. We are not suppose to talk about using on here but I can’t stop thinking about having a nice bottle of wine on my birthday. Ive mentioned it before and I know I’m suppose deal with today only. One day at a time! But I can’t stop thinking about that bottle of wine I’m going to have when the big six oh comes around next week. I been doing so good. And I’ve got such great support here and I don’t want to loose you guys. I know I’m only hurting my self but I do feel like I’m letting you all down too. There it’s out there. Maybe now I can stop thinking about it.
I think you should not stop thinking about it, I think you should concentrate on everything you are going to lose, I think you should be very aware of how it’s going to make you feel after, There is not one thing, NOT ONE THING, that you will gain.
It’s good to share about these things - when I do so, it helps it get out of my head. Stay in today. Maybe also revisit why you aren’t drinking. I wrote out all about how the way alcohol and drugs effected me and my life and if I ever start romantising it, I go back and read that to remind myself. And I play the tape through and imagine how I would feel and know it would be awful. Finally, I remind myself I am an alcoholic - non-alcoholics don’t fantasize about alcohol in the way we do - they don’t have the obsession. That tends to snap me back into perspective and remind me that it is my alcoholism talking.
Hello Eric well done your your 2 weeks you are doing great. Please don’t throw it all away. If you fancy a wine so strongly have a go at a non alcoholic bottle. There are an awful lot of people on here that have gone back to the drink and in all the posts they’ve put on shame, regret, remorse usually crops up. Do something completely different on your birthday something you can remember with a clear head. Anybody can go drinking it takes guts and strength not to do what everyone else is doing. Don’t do it mate
Read back on the years of comments on here
Good luck.
Think about how you’d feel the morning after…
I can relate.
While I don’t have a specific date or occassion that I think about I do often wonder if I will reach a point where I CAN have a drink. It’s really vague right now. But I do fear that I am “planning a relapse” as you put it.
Oddly…I DO have a plan for any weddings my daughters might have. I know lots of people will say “but you have to toast them with champagne” and I ask “why must it be champagne”. I plan to toast them with ginger-ale.
But then why do I think about my golden years…expecting that I SHOULD be allowed to have some sort of evening night-cap??? I don’t know. Addiction makes no sense to me.
My birthday next week aswell 68 not planning anything special just another sober birthday had 34 of them now . maybe try a meeting they will help get a good network go out with sober friends for your birthday wish you well
I salute you for your honesty. I’m on Day 20 and reading about the Pink Cloud thing? I, too, want to celebrate. Doing a quick 3-Day cruise to Mexico. Not drink? Pffffft. I’m OBSESSED with not messing up (for my kids, though I told them, all bets are off in MX, I still want to do it to prove I can). I think of the zillion blended mocktails, the activities I’m going to do that I normally wouldn’t. I’m literally obsessed with thinking of options.
Who knows, we may fail, me hungover, feel like crap, come back on here with Day 1. Could happen. I have gone into scary situations with bars and said, “I could, but today’s not the day”. It tricks myself into having power. I don’t know. Diff for everyone. If you’re like me, one bottle is simply an appetizer. That’s the part that terrified me. Can I just sip a glass? Or a bottle? Heeeeellllll no!
Let us know how you do! And Happy Birthday!!! Hey, if you hate sobriety on your birthday (pretty awesome gift to give to yourself) wait until the day after and see if you want it as badly? Personal challenge? Have FUN, whatever you choose!
Dang. I was hoping I could throw that out there and then forget about it and go about my day. But everyone’s immediate response is very overwhelmingly so thoughtful. I guess I’ll have to keep thinking about it. On one hand I haven’t been able to commit to myself to be sober for ever. Isn’t that why we all say one day at a time? I can give up my two weeks plus and start over. I’m sure we all have different levels of alcoholism. Don’t we? Just like an alcoholic to justify and make excuses right? I am right now going to hit the gym and hopefully think one day at a time so I don’t drive myself crazy thinking about this. Y’all are such a wonderful help. I will reread your responses over and over each day.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To be continued…
It’s your journey your recovery so ultimately your desicon,.the choices we make we have to live with Nd learn from,but this CARING community will always be here for you.
I don’t think about forever, I just focus on staying in today and then those today’s have added up to 15 months for me. And it just keeps getting better 
@VSue Well said, about the underlying “planned relapse”. I’m there, too. At Day 20, feeling like I’ve got a handle on it. Ha! Well, that’s not how it worked for me, at 48 going on attempt #3. Been a decade since I last tried to stop.
Ugh, that subliminal planned relapse. It’s the devil! I keep thinking that I’ll be easy on myself “someday” WHEN I fall off. I hate that feeling. Maybe we leave that door open so we reinforce our strength that we COULD mess up, but did not.
I thought about the film screening my daughter’s & I are going to tonight…with it’s nice full bar in full display. How lucky are those that can have one, maybe two and sip all night. I’m terrified of trying that because I don’t stop once I start. It’s got a grip on me. So tonight? I’ve already convinced my guts that I’m having ANYTHING I want that’s not alcohol. I survived it about a week ago with my mom and planning again tonight.
Day 30 coming up. Trying to find ways to celebrate that like a birthday!
If you can do your birthday without drinking- the pride you will feel might be the birthday gift you really need.
Your addict voice is asking you in very sweet tones to go ahead and f@%ck up a good thing. I know because your addict voice and my addict voice song in the same choir.
I get where you’re coming from Eric; I reset because I let it overwhelm me with the “forever” part. I think of it now like I’m proud to be able to say it doesn’t have me by the (fill in the blank!) and I choose to make new sober memories.
My birthday is in a couple weeks and I’ll be 61; you know what’s harder to take than growing old? Growing old drunk and hungover!
Make your choice but remember it’s not all it’s cracked up to be at our age. 
Well I was going to go to the gym but the plumber showed up 2 hours early so I get to sit here and read more of y’alls so thoughtful messages. Good thing you all don’t see me in person because I am a very emotional guy and I am welling up with tears at all the support I am getting. WOW!! 
Thank you from the bottom of my 2 weeks dry heart 
PS
I came back on here to apologize if I was a little harsh; I don’t have a good filter, lol… Also; in all seriousness; I lost my ex husband (we were best friends after 25+ years divorced) a few years back; a big part of it was he was an alcoholic and never had stopped. He was only 56. I miss him still; like I go to call him sometimes or I think of something that he would get a kick out of. Oh, his name was Eric; so I’m you’re virtual ex wife, lol…JK!!
You got this!
I know what it’s like, I thought about the same, A LOT! But the one thing you don’t think about is the after math. To answer the question, “Was it worth it?” the following days, the answer will be no, it wasn’t. It is never worth it, and never was.
You didn’t come this far to only get this far. 
I had planned for months drinking cold beer in Epcot and the end of my marathon, then I happened to choose this year as the one I would do sober. I am not going to lie, I still wanted the beer, but I was so proud that I chose to abstain. Sometimes we build things up in our head that are so not worth it.
When I had 90 days of sobriety, I decided I wanted to earn a black belt in a martial art. I am about a year away from earning two black belts, in two different disciplines. I am achieving this one workout, one class, one test at a time, but my eye is always on the objective: the belt.
Same applies to my sobriety: the objective is to remain free from my addiction, for the rest of my life. To do this, I must say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink, every time. One drink can -and likely will- lead to two, or three, or eight. Trains derail one wheel at a time. Relapse begins with saying “yes” to one drink.
Congratulations on 2 weeks, and your upcoming birthday. I hope you decide there are better ways to celebrate this day, than with drinking.