Hi Everyone.
Where do I begin… Tomorrow we are getting paid and I’m planning on using (clean for 16 days and 17 hours). This al started on Sunday and eversince then I’m struggling to sleep, I’m anxious etc. Its getting worse… I don’t know what to do… It’s scary how carefully i plan everything. i have not told anyone about this!! so you guys are the first to read this. I’m hoping that somewhere in the comments i will find words that will cancel my plans.
Please everyone, i need you help.
Thanks
@Zyzz1990 It is 5am here and just got to work. You have done so well. You are in the middle of a storm and it will calm in time. Be strong and persevere thru this. We all have the strength within us to overcome any obstacles we have in life…including addiction. Don’t give up. I promise, you will be so glad and proud of yourself and so will the people here and around you. Hang in there and be strong! 
@Zyzz1990 - Sounds like you’ve got it planned and I doubt whether there’s anything anyone can say that’s gonna get in the way of that craving… that obsession. You need to take responsibility for your own actions and, whilst we can give support to your continued recovery, we are not going to be able to stop you doing whatever the hell you want to.
In AA (and I suspect the same is true in NA), “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking/using” - sounds like your desire to use is still greater than the desire to stop. I appreciate how difficult it is to stop, especially on pay-day when you have the means to go ahead and obtain the fuel for your addiction. But until you actually hit that ultimate rock-bottom, until you receive the absolute gift of desperation, there will always be one more drink/drug in your future.
I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but the only way you’re gonna get through this is with some tough love. I admire you for staying clean for over two weeks; but am utterly bemused that you would want to go back to day one, hour one, minute one and start all over again.
At least, I hope you are still alive after tomorrow to start again!
If you’re gonna use, you’re gonna use. I just hope you’re back with us on Friday to tell us how much fun it was.
I’ll say a prayer for you and hope you’ve got the strength to get through this without using. You owe it to yourself first and foremost. And we in the Forum would dearly love to see you make it to 18 days clean. 
Bestest of best wishes…
@Zyzz1990 I agree with Andy. Unfortunately many of us didn’t get it the first, second, third time and made a decision to go back out and drink/use again. Honestly in my past when I made that decision to go back out, I didnt tell anyone, the last thing I wanted was for someone to tell me not to, so the fact that you got on here and talked about it, tells me you really don’t want to use. Your disease is getting in your head! It wants you sick and miserable and it will stop at nothing to get you to come back to it. Its easy to give in, that doesn’t take any effort or courage because we know how to be addicts. What most of us think we lack is the ability to say no. You have that ability but you have to want sobriety more than you want anything else! FIND A MEETING in your area and go, sit, listen, reach out and stay sober. …or. …give in to your disease and I too will say a prayer for you that this time it won’t kill you. We have all been right where you are, I know you’re hurting… {prayers going out now}
Just say no and go do something different. What do you like to do? Reward yourself instead for being like 2 weeks sober. You are almost to 30 days man you can keep going!
Hi Guys…
Thank you for the comments. @Andy_15052012 yes… harsh, but true… very confused right now. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do… will keep you guys informed.
@Zyzz1990 - Keep talking to us buddy… if that means you type out your life story day and night five times in a row I can guarantee you’ll feel better doing that than using again. You got 16, maybe 17 days under your belt now. Type something in the chat room on the hour every hour… Just. Don’t. Lose. Those. Days!
You are so far at this moment, 16days is a long time to be proud of!
Can you plan something else , go swimming, to a fun park or something like that?
Try to set youre mind on other things, or something to save money for.
Please keep strong youre so worth it!
Hey man we’ve all been where you are and I’m sure we’ve all done the common thing and just given up the fight knowing we can start over. The thing is its not working. We feel the same. Its just starting to get easier for me here on day 9. But hard times come. At the point you are now, I know you’ve made up your mind, but if its not to late pray. I don’t care if you don’t believe, if you really truly don’t want to use only God can stop your plans.
I also want to tell you to prove me wrong. Feel the power and strength that comes from saying no. Give your parents your money or lock it in the bank. Know that you’ll be looking back in a few days saying wow I almost blew it but I didn’t! I conquered my biggest challenge yet.
I agree with Andy’s tough love. Only you can decide when enough is enough, and some people say this is the last time I’ll start over tomorrow…and they die. And tomorrow is too late.
Think it through. Be safe
@zyzz1990! Hey buddy! Thanks for sharing with us. I know it takes guts to put it out there. Back in the day I didn’t tell anyone I would just give in, so I’m glad your being honest with yourself! Did something major happen that is leading you to those thoughts? Remember thoughts become actions if we don’t captivate them. Maybe make a list for yourself of the pros & con’s so you can visually see it. It’s not too late to change your mind! Only you can make that choice! Praying for strength & courage! We’ve all been where you are at & nobody will judge you here! We just want the best for you because we care & love you! Blessings to you in your journey! May God’s mighthy strength over power your mind, body & soul! 
:cross 
Let me just tell you that I would give anything to have 17 days under my belt. I have 12 hours and every single one of those has been tough! I find myself thinking about it more now than when I was using. But I know that this is something that I need to do. I have been fortunate enough not to have hit rock bottom and intend to prove that you don’t have to fall that far before quitting.
Hi Guys…
Still alive… days are gone…
Was it worth it?
I’m not asking to be all high and mighty and judgemental… just wanna make sure you’re ok first and foremost! Obviously, life hasn’t got bad enough for you yet. As I heard in an AA meeting yesterday morning: “never interfere in someone else’s rock-bottom.”
When you really, really wanna give up, you’ll know. That’s why I had a sober and enjoyable weekend; coz I don’t want to end up not wanting to live but too scared to die.
Best wishes to you…
@Zyzz1990 Hey buddy! Glad your doing ok, hang in there! Pick your self up & try again! Relapses are part of recovery in my opinion. It’s a learning process! I’ve been where you are many times in the past. The important thing to remember is to never give up on yourself. We are nobody to judge as we are all in different levels in our journey! Stay strong, you can do it! I believe in you! Much love, blessings & hugs! 
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