Porn Addiction Recovery


#103

Ok, this is a serious question and I hope I don’t offended anyone…I have had sexual dreams a handful of times in the past 3 months since I stopped porn/masturbating. Each time I wake up orgasming with my hand down down my pants before I even am awake enough to know what’s happening. Does this count as a relapse?? I like to think not as I’m not consciously doing it, but I have felt slightly guilty anyway. Just curious what you guys think. Thanks.


#104

I’ve been counting it just because it’s still affecting me, but it’s hard to fight against that. It’s why I’ve started tying my arm to my desk. Been trying to train myself to wake up when things start going in that direction. But I feel like I’m flying blind. If you keep not counting it, let me know if it ends up more effective.


#105

Ok that just seems completely impractical! I can’t and honestly don’t want to tie my arm(s) down while I sleep. I just say a prayer once I’m fully awake and ask God to cover me and accept his mercy. Idk. The guilty feeling usually lifts after that and then it’s like a month or so u til I have another episode like that. Anyway, thanks for the feedback.


#106

I have this happen on occasion, I do not count it as a relapse. I did discuss it with my sponsor, because hiding things = bad. I can’t control what happens when I’m asleep. If it were to ever morph into something I’m consciously doing lying in bed in the morning, that would obviously count as a relapse.

There is a fine line here. I don’t count it as “progressively addictive and destructive behavior” though.


#107

I’d have to agree with you on this one as well. Very fine line, but totally unintentional. I will also talk to my accountability partner
. Thanks for your feedback.


#108

Maybe I’ll consider not counting it too. It’s been kind of stressful to, I just don’t want to give myself any excuses. But maybe it’ll help me move farther.


#109

I would not count it since you were not conscious during the episode. I pray and mediate before bed and first thing in the morning but it does not guarantee I won’t have vivid dreams sometimes.


#110

I have euphoric recall and that makes me feel blindsided everytime. Sleeping and erotic dreams seem to fall into that category for me. I tend to agree with @MikeSeekingHope it needs to be shared with someone who know it can get destructive in not kept in check…and tying my arms down that’s a whole other kind of problem…sleep tight.


#111

Along with what you describe about prayer and meditation before bed… If one had a really strong day, I might have very triggering or graphic dreams/nightmares that night. I think this happens because I’m afraid of failure…


#112

Haha… I only lose circulation sometimes.
I’ll say it ain’t any good fix. xD


#113

How’s everyone doing here?


#114

I relapsed over the weekend and am moving onto day 03.
I find that by checking my laptop in with my youth leader at night - it helps me stay sober, although, it’s extreme, we need to be extreme and radical to live a pure life!

It’s easy to find loopholes if you have software to block you on your phone/laptop but my recent relapse taught me to close all the doors / build up the wall in my life and not let any area of the wall be weak! By giving yourself access to a trigger you are opening a door to the enemy!

Today I got an invite to a girl site on instagram from a stranger - I reported the person, sent them a message telling them to get that shit out of my face and blocked them from my account. I felt so good after doing that. It was like I won a battle.

I hope you are all doing well!


#115

Glad to hear you are recommitting and not giving up. The Instagram situation is also a big win, glad you didn’t get sucked in there.

Handing over your laptop will certainly work for a while, what is your plan for when this arrangement no longer works for your youth leader? I guess what I’m trying to say is, you need to work on building your recovery as opposed to putting up barriers to your addiction, at least that is what I am trying to do. If I got rid of my devices for a while, I would stay dry, but as soon as I got them back I think I would relapse if I weren’t working on the things that had driven me to lust.

Maybe I’ve missed the mark and you’re on a path that will work for you but I know blocking websites and locking up my computer wouldn’t be sustainable solutions for me.


#116

Same. I used to have K9 on all my devices. It worked when I couldn’t find a way around it. I probably dedicated several hours towards finding loopholes. Social media has just as much porn in it as any search engine. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, and Tumblr were all just free sources that weren’t covered under the search engine blocker.

In the end, the only restraint became self-restraint. I’ve become much more of a master of self over the years. By no means perfect. I’m on day 27 right now.


#117

I agree with the others that you have to work on “you”, because barriers will not work long-term. However, I think a combination is beneficial. I have k9/qustudio on my devices to prevent accidents. But, I know full well it’ll only take me 1 min to break them if I’m determined. If I accidentally come across a dirty picture it might cause me to start lusting & decide that I want to break down the barriers. The problem is that so many sites have random clickbait where the ad itself is a dirty picture. As soon as I see it I’m already getting triggered. The software prevents some of that stuff from showing up on innocent websites. Also, with high-speed internet nowadays it takes 1 second to relapse. With a blocker it takes me 30 seconds. Hopefully those 29 seconds of trying to work around the blocker gives me a chance to remember that I don’t want to relapse.

For an alcoholic they need to completely avoid the bar, because as soon as they step foot in there they’ve already lost. Unfortunately for me I work on the computer for a living, so I can’t completely avoid the internet, but I can at least try to make it less hazardous. I don’t use social media at
all. Along the same vein I avoid watching movies with a high-rating (pg13/tvMA/R) because I might get triggered. But, if I clean it up with something like vidangel.com, I’m ok to watch it.

Barriers for me are like training wheels. Real sobriety will come from daily working on changing who I am (reading spiritual books, exercising, visiting this board, praying, reading my 12 step book, attending SA meetings, attending church, etc).

If I relapse, it’s my fault & not the fault of the blocking software or the fault of my sponsor for not being available to take my computer away from me.


#118

I like vidangel. I also like StudioC.


#119

Studio C is great. They’re like a clean SNL


#120

Huh, hey man you don’t have to answer this but are you LDS?


#121

Hello there. I am one of them. Unless one has this addiction, He or she will never now how challenging this addiction is. I did so many researches bout this and I see that this is a planned shit that Someone want to take control of our brains. I agree with the idea that it is more addictive than cocaine or anything. Because I read all of the addiction terms over and over again, when I check the list of who can be named as addict, I saw that I was more than an addict. Because anymore even I am not able to get my daily routines done. I am a student of civil engineering in Turkey and I am planning to go lithuania for rest of my education but somehow I am afraid of being there away from family and my is brain just manipulating my opinions. When I think about something And feel stressed, it is no matter how many days I am sober, my brain just building itself a way which will lead to my relapse. Like ‘’ oh cmon you know that it has been seven days, but nothing happens, you just feel a high level of energy lets do this’’ or like’’ cmon do you think that you are an addict, oh no cmon’’ etc. So I don’t understand my brain. I have never reached 15 days for two years And I am addicted for seven years. As the days going on when I am sober, I really forgot about the rock bottom days and falling into this over and over again. Crying, shouting, screaming and the same shit.

I am a muslim, I think that this thing is making me sinful man. I do feel so much regret because I am just 20, I cannot get out of this. I cannot do my prays just because of this, I want a stabil life… an clean life… I hope All of us will get rid of this forever.


#122

What have it away? Studio C?