I am 4 months postpartum and Postpartum depression is the worst .. one minute I’m fine the next I’m wondering what a bullet takes like, wondering how long before my body is found and who will find it.
Everyone always thinks I have an attitude or that I’m in a bad mood but how do I explain to them that in my mind I just blew my brains out a million times.
When will I feel normal again? Or is this my new normal? I just want to feel okay again, I just want to feel pretty again, I just want to feel loved again
How do you make postpartum depression go away without taking pills? I’m scared if I get prescribed pills again it will be 2017 all over again but this time I won’t wake up in a pool of vomit .. I won’t wake up at all. The only way I can think of for it to go away is a bullet to my brain
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Hi Sukii
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is hard to explain depression to others who haven’t experienced it and even harder when you have a little one to care for.
In my own experience only medicine helped me with bipolar. And learning to recognise my brain chemistry changing. One thing I have learned is to respect the depression - last week I slept non stop for 17 hours because that’s what I needed.
Do you have a support network? Do you have a supportive doctor that could perhaps monitor you more closely? Either one of these could restrict your access to prescribed medication so you never have “too much” in the house at one time.
I hope you can get some help because you don’t deserve this 
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Hi @Sukii216 , welcome to this wonderful place. I suffered terribly with postpartum depression after both of my babies. I can one hundred percent relate. Please go to see your doctor and explain how you are feeling. I know you said you don’t want tablets but medication saved my life! The right antidepressants WILL help. I promise. It’s the chemistry in your brain that needs levelling out. Only antidepressant medication will do this. The first one to two weeks you will start to feel better, by four to six weeks, lots better and by 8-12 weeks nicely balanced out. This will then enable you to spend quality time with your lovely baby. You will get to enjoy this mum and baby time. Don’t let this postpartum depression take that away from you. ANTIDEPRESSANTS SAVE LIVES!! They most certainly saved mine. I’m sending you love and a big hug. Please please please go to see a doctor 
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Jumping in here because I agree so strongly with the ladies who have commented before. My wife suffered with this terribly. It took a year before she got help with our first and luckily with our second she got help straight away. Antidepressants for postpartum depression saved her. Your brain is suffering a chemical imbalance and needs some evening up. Be honest with your doctor about your 2017 struggles and they WILL help you… it’s NOT your fault you feel this way 
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