This week was really scary for me. My mental health is a wreck. I’m really going to try and change it around this week. (Said this before)
Go to doctor, get back to working out and doing yoga… back to my diet. I wish my depression wasn’t so bad right now. I’m going to check out a furnished room I can sublease on Monday. Prayyy for me. I need this more than anything. I need to get out of my friends living room and into a real bed to get a good night sleep and have my own space for sanity and normalized night rituals. I think once I get that normalcy and actual sleep I’ll be able to be a bit more functional physically and then in turn will help me mentally. Lord Jesus I need this. I haven’t slept in a real bed by myself in over a year :’(
Never take things for granted, because I sure did. The first time I got sober was a piece of cake compared to this, because I had everything I needed and even some things I wanted.
It’s been crazy trying to survive this past year. It’s been the toughest of my entire life. I’ve been scared, hungry, desperate, freezing cold with no winter clothes in NYC. Constant panic and fear. There is no area or subject of life that I didn’t have to deal with. It all rained down on me at once. And I lost everything I had because I couldn’t handle everything that was happening.
If and when I ever get myself out of this dark hole, I will never take anything for granted. Food is amazing, clean water is awesome. Having your own private space should be cherished. Feeling safe again… god please grant me this.
I said a prayer after reading your first sentence. I know exactly what you mean when it comes to no personal space, having to share tight quarters with others ehe it feel that the world is crashing down not around but because of you. One thing is for sure, things will definitely not get better if you drink/use. Poor mental health almost took my life April 29th 2018 because I didn’t want to seek help. Do you attend meetings? If not i suggest you seek help and support from rooms. I hope your living situation wirks out as you desire.
Take baby steps. Don’t try to eat all in one mouthful. It will get better, your own space sounds like an amazing start 
FJ007, try to remember to not ignore the little victories. Day by day it can feel like a wash of failures and weight, but here you are. Still going. An unstoppable force of good will. Prayer comes from inside you too. It is heard twice, first by you. As impossible as it must seem, your trust in your ability to determine your life is most essential. If you can see each step in the right direction you take as what it is, a victory, you’ll realize sooner than you think that you’re overcoming this. That it doesn’t own you, because nothing can.
I come from a long line of people who experience the end of their world only to come out the other side looking back at a powerful memory and a powerful motivator. I’m here because they overcame extraordinary circumstances that were at the time impossible to move beyond.
Where you live, who you live with, who speaks to you, are all external to you. The source of prayer. The source of strength in the face of trying times. What is around you does not determine you or your future. It’s what’s in you that shines through all the dark that moves you.
We pray for you, but it’s your prayer, and your action that counts most.
I believe in you
The little victories. Even if it seems weird, seriously rejoice in the small steps.
I said a prayer and i know God is just waiting for you to let Him carry you through this. You cannot do this on your own no matter how hard you try.
YOU GOT THIS!!!
Thinking of you.
I’ve just read 2 of your posts almost back to back on different threads.
This one sounds so much more positive.
I think moving into your own space will be a great first step.
Keep moving forward my friend.
God bless you . Your in my prayers… dont give up even on bad days always look 4 a positive thing … each day were clean and soba is a blessing x
In my prayers