I am only 2 days and 7 hours sober. In the past 5 years I haven’t made it more than 42 days without a single drink. My parents and grandparents are deceased. First my sister is facing child abuse charges along with being on drugs. I’ve tried to talk to her but its best to just be cordial or I won’t get to see my nephews and they have no one else. Also my brother is on drugs trying to commit suicide. Most of our family is estranged from us and doesn’t want to deal with this nor help. I am the oldest and it’s always my obligation to fix everything even if I have my own shit. I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to relapse because i feel bad I may not be able to help him. I am not made of money and I work my ass of to take care of my kids. Any advise?
I found that making a list of priorities helped me to not feel so overwhelmed. It’s old school but making a written list of things to approach that are the most important to easiest or least important helped. Tackle one obstacle fully and completely before moving on to the next. Hope this helps with some things!!! You’re amazing!
I am in a similar position and know the stress and helpless feeling of thinking there is something I just wasn’t doing, or didn’t care enough about. I am finding that being sober myself and leading the way with setting healthy boundaries is helping. My brother died from suicide, and I had a feeling he was going to. My mother is an alcoholic and my other brother lives with her. He is addicted to Xanax. He has been suicidal off and on. They have a toxic relationship.She often asks for sympathy while enabling his behavior. He resents her a lot of the time. Everything is not on you. It is not up to you whether someone commits suicide. All you can do is keep telling them you love them and tell them you are there. You prove it by checking in regularly. I have an alarm on my phone that reminds me to call him. I just say hello, I don’t ask questions or offer help, I just check in with him. Things are starting to turn around. You can prove to your family that it is possible to be ok and be sober.
I wish I had a simple solution for you, but you know there isn’t one. I will say, however, that there usually be is a feeling of satisfaction after you climb your way out of a mountain of shit. Honor yourself by being proud of fighting through these struggles. Not to pass judgement, but is sounds like a sober, level headed individual may be just the hero your family needs.
A person once told me you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. With that being said I know it is hard to do but you must take care of yourself first. You unfortunately cannot take on everything or everyone, I know I am the same way I feel everything and everyone is my problem, that is called having a heart. Take time to figure out what your priorities are and than go from there. Someone also told me you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help, maybe with you staying sober will show them if you can do it they can as well. Good luck, hope this helped, and take care of yourself.
I was the oldest, and always felt obligated and responsible to take care of my siblings. It seemed neither of parents had the tools necessary to take care of us. I had to grow up quick!
Needless to say it’s difficult enough to get your own stuff together and prioritize your own life. It’s nearly impossible to live someone else’s even if they are family. Focus on you and your children. They are your primary focus! Not to sound selfish, but your priority is your sobriety and your little ones.