I’m just so frustrated and exhausted right now. I’ve spent all day fighting tooth and nail to keep my emotions reined in. It’s the kind of day where the reality is “You make damn sure you don’t loosen your grip and get lost in this fog unless you’re prepared to have psychiatric care pull you out of it again”. The only thing I’ve been able to accomplish today is getting a meal into myself and not do anything overtly dangerous.
Makes me feel pathetic and inadequate to have this degree of emotional dysregulation, when it seems like a normal person can also have a difficult day but deal with it without things getting out of hand. It really shouldn’t be difficult to stay safe.
Last night I went for coffee with my mom, after a highly productive day, we had a great conversation about music, writing, history, and culture, and she commented on how well I’ve been doing recently. This morning, in contrast, my mood set the tone for the day shuddering like a seismograph during a Richter 8 event, and I was completely non-functional. Nothing of note happened in between.
The absurdity is getting so old now that it’s a real grind to try to fight it.
I want to stay level headed and calm to enjoy this game of life, but damn it’s mind numbingly frustrating to do when the pieces slide everywhere. Anyone got glue?