Processing it all

Emotional Support
1

Not sure how I feel right now. I’m on day 15 and physically I feel amazing. No hangover bounced out of bed to work out and am focused at work.

Mentally I am happy but started to have these thoughts about dying. It’s weird because a few weeks ago I had this streak where I would imagine jumping in front of the train while I waited on the platform. Now I’m scared to ride a Scooter because I don’t want to get hit by a car.

I spent the holiday weekend building puzzles and drinking kombucha. I lost a lot of the anxiety I had about work. I fall asleep hard now without weed or melatonin.

I think I’m finding my will to live and seeing the positive changes but then I get this fear that it is temporary and I will go back to drinking and smoking weed.

Everyone thinks I quit to challenge myself and am scared of what is going to happen when I hit 100 days. I already have a few friends who are planning to celebrate with booze and weed and I don’t have the heart to tell them I’m done. But maybe it is because I haven’t admitted to myself that I have a problem so I keep using crutches.

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I can relate. Early on, felt like I was just floating through life, unsure of the future; immediate or long term. I was afraid to commit even though I was seeing positive results. The idea of forever scared the shit out of me, but the more 24 hrs I stacked, the easier it became to accept. Time heals all, they say. :blush:

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Deep breaths, try taking things one day at a time, dont worry too much what will happen tomorrow or when you hit 100 days, no body knows. Savour that awesome feeling when you bounce out of bed and feel amazing, surely just for today that is reason enough not to drink or smoke weed. :hugs::hugs:

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I also find, being in early stages, that “forever” seems unthinkable, intimidating… but glad to see this thinking can change the further along the path we stay. Thanks for sharing your experience. Gives me hope.

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