Here I am again, with my tail tucked in…once again. I have over the years advocated this app and this community. I have told people y’all have been instrumental in quitting—and I did for years. The first time was three years and this last time was almost two. But, I started smoking again.
I’m not going to get into too many details. Many of them I don’t want to relive, and the others I am still trying to process. However, I started smoking again last summer. I have been homeless and have moved across the Country five times. In that time I have had attempts on my life. Needless to say, I forfeited any of the skills that kept me sober and sane; and, in desperation and a self-injurious ennui, I went to the one thing I hate: cigarettes.
Now I am addicted again. I want more than anything to quit. There isn’t a moment I want to feel healthy and strong again.
I have so much to be thankful for: I finally have shelter, food, and clothing. I am surrounded by dependable people who love me. Yet, I won’t give them up. I feel like I’m in an abusive relationship. I keep defending my abuser against those that speak reason to me. And I hate it, I hate it so much.
I know what I need to do. I know that the DT’s are temporary. But it doesn’t seem to be enough. The longest I have gotten without them is 25 hours.
So, I am jumping out in faith, running back here in hopes to be sheltered from self-deprecation and doubt. I don’t know if everyone I befriended are still here… but I’m sure I will make new friends.
I did what I thought was best, but now it is time to move on in healthier ways. And I can’t do it alone. I need help.
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Good to see you back… lets do this ODAAT
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Welcome back. I remember. 
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Beautifully written. I hope you find this place to be just the support you need!
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Welcome home! I remember you. We are here for support. How have you beenn since you posted this? I see that was about 6 hours ago
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Thanks for checking in, that’s very sweet.
I asked my wife what she thinks would be the best option, and she agrees that I have every skill I need to quit. However, she suggested I get back into therapy, which I adamantly agree with.
How are you?
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