I struggle with PMO, I went nearly 200 days without a relapse, but then relapsed in porn. Then a few smaller relapses not with porn, but inappropriate material. But during everything I still have not relapsed in masturbation. That’s gotta count for something, right? Even though the urges are so strong.
I’m curious, do women struggle with the masturbation side of the addiction as bad as men? Sometimes I hate being a man because of the stupid powerful libido.
I think it is significant. We each have our own neurochemistry. But if you stopped before you were satisfied, then the reward was reduced if not eliminated. However, dopamine induces craving for more dopamine. So porn is still addictive on its own.
Women do struggle with sex addiction and with porn and masturbation. The struggle shows up in different ways and varies from person to person, but it is there. There is lots of good reading out there if you search around. Patrick Carnes has wonderful books on sex addiction recovery. There are others as well.
I’d hesitate to say women have less of a libido than men. Women and men are socialized differently, and in general women tend to approach sex in more of a relational, connected way. Men (tragically) often approach sex in a more mechanical way. However it is something we all can work on, as we develop our capacity for healthy intimacy, as part of our recovery.
I do struggle. I have viewed pornography for over 20 years and I’m trying to make it one year without viewing and hopefully stop for good. Every 100 days or so I seem to have a need to want to view pornography and it doesn’t help. I think a lot of men think we do not suffer. But we do. Trying to rid of the addiction since a few months before turning 30. It has not grown but I still need help to stop.
Hi Roseann, it’s nice to meet you! It takes courage to be honest with yourself and to own your recovery, as you are here - I am inspired by you & I know you will find what you need.
Neal made a post earlier this year with a range of resources for sex / porn / love addictions, for women and men, and you may find it helpful for your next steps:
There are other women here on Talking Sober who face the same thing (or similar) as you do; if you search around you should find someone you can message about it. I’m happy to talk about it anytime although I know it can be helpful to have a woman-identifying person to speak with.
For me a watershed moment in my recovery came last year when I joined a sex / porn / love addiction recovery group for men in my city. Speaking with those men under the guidance of a trained mentor has significantly improved my understanding of myself and my behaviour - and has helped me move forward.
We study a book by Patrick Carnes. His books are written for both men and women recovering from this addiction, and are based on his treatment of hundreds of people (again, including both women and men). He has a YouTube channel with some good interviews:
His website is here:
https://www.drpatrickcarnes.com/
Welcome Roseann! You’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where she can be her full self. Never, ever forget that, and never, ever give up. 