So here it is in a nut shell (might be lengthy). So Thursday I took a member of my home group to detox, his choice but he had reservations. As some know I live in a rural area so he is an hour and a half away. He was to impaired to drive himself so I took him and we had it planned out for him to stay until Monday morning at 8 when I would pick him up and bring him back home and he would drive himself to rehab. So yesterday he starts calling me wanting me to come and pick him up. I really do not want to force him to stay anywhere but his situation is less than good at home he was kicked out of his house and staying at a motel for now. My concern is this he is going to get out of detox and start to drink immediately once home and if that’s the case it’s on me. I’m new to this entire sobriety adventure but I am not sure I’m ready for that on my conscious. I know that me with 164 days is a shaky place. I had a fellow member of my Aa group with 25 years of sobriety set all this up but he couldn’t do the delivering because he was leaving for his anniversary trip. I know that the friend in detox is safe but I don’t want him to feel imprisoned at the same time. But if I pick him up today in the state of Kansas he can buy alcohol until midnight if I wait until Sunday morning he can’t buy alcohol here (there are still ways I know). He isn’t going to rehab on Monday I know this. So my question to you is me waiting 12-18 hours wrong. I don’t want him to get drunk and hurt himself because I picked him up on a Saturday I know he can drink again Monday but in my brain it was the original plan that way so it’s not on me. So if anyone wants to weigh in I would welcome it. I don’t want his life on my conscience.
Rough position you’re in. I’d leave him there. He can be mad at you,but if and when he cleans up he’ll appreciate what you did. If not you have a clear conscience knowing he didn’t hurt himself and others. My 2 pennies.
Leave him there. You can’t discount the fact that you have gone out of your way to help him get on track with recovery. He agreed to this so hold him to it. There is no reason why you should further inconvenience yourself and have his life on your conscience because he is feeling the inevitable pains of early sobriety. There comes a point when you have to choose between being compliant and doing whats right. Would you rather chance him being mad at you (an emotion which is temporary) or get out and get himself into trouble or worse (potentially permanent damage)? Let him be mad. It may feel uncomfortable but ultimately I believe that it will be saving you future worries and guilt.
The plan was for you to pick him up on Monday. If he wants to get out sooner, he can arrange his own ride. It’s not right for him to insist you to drop everything to cater to him.
I would tell him that I still intend to pick him up on Monday morning. I’ve got too much going on Saturday and Sunday.
I agree with all 3 statements above! If he wants to leave badly enough he can find a way without involving you! Stick to the original plan .
Thank you all for giving me your heart felt advice. Wow how things get messy. Again THANK YOU all
I would wait but that’s just me- he’s better off where he is and so are you
Chadr, I think you have your answer, I concur. You have done your best for this friend. Remember to look after yourself too👍
Leave him there. Things got uncomfortable and he’s manipulating. If he wants out…that’s on him
For everyone who is curious I told him it wasn’t in my best interest to get him early and it to be on my conscious. Honestly was the best policy for me and he understood where I was coming from. Probably wasn’t happy but accepted it. You all came to my rescue when I was doubting my own judgement. Thank you