It’s so wonderful to have you here! Honestly, the attempt at moderating was a huge part of what ultimately led me to getting sober completely. You can take the circuitous route in order to get to a place of greater certainty, or you can take it from those of us that have learned the hard way - it is not worth it! As much as everyone’s journey is different, there are extraordinary similarities in what you describe and what everyone here shares. I got to a place of getting sober after years of twice-weekly therapy: sobriety is hard to do, and even harder to do alone, so definitely reach out to support networks and perhaps find a therapist or trusted friend/family member you can talk to. Admitting I had a problem out loud was extraordinarily healing for me - as is this forum. 
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We like to think we’re all pretty unique, most of us are actually quite the same. Well put right there.
Thank you Jessi. I loved your post. Thank you
I think being motivated to hop on the forum indicates you want a change. Making a clear decision to quit is easier in my opinion, versus trying to think about moderating and coming up with this rule for this n that rule for that. A clean break is a clean break. If I were you I’d save myself from myself and put it down…before things get worse. Alcohol abuse just gets more n more severe over time. Have u noticed that? Oh if I could go back and have taken another path. My vote is just quit. Not my vote tho. You gotta cast that ballot, as to what u wanna do. Glad you reached out.
I’m 55. I was 23 once and thought the same as you, felt the same way and drank pretty much the same way. Save yourself 32 years of experimenting and worry… just fix it now and you’ll have a much better life than you would otherwise.
After reading all these replies, I have come to a conclusion that this forum is a group of wonderful and intellectual people. I cant put to words how helpful and motivating these advises have been for me. I have never been more firm about my decision of being sober before. After all the efforts that u guys made to give me the right picture of what really alchoholism is, I assure you that you have not wasted your time.
I am a much stronger person now and ready to take down this addiction for good. Thank you all for thinking about me.
I appreciate your friendliness big time.
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Well done on finding your answer. Know that we’re here to support you and commiserate with you! So many people have such valuable insights here. This forum was my first “real” step on my road.to recovery. I hope it’s as beneficial to you as it has been for me. Stay strong, brother! You got this.
I can’t remember where I heard it… But when I did I was like “holy f***ing shit” the light turned on and that was it… Changed my life! I’m glad it helped and I hope you share it with others to help them as well❤️