Rabbit hole relapse

The good news is I made it 24 hours… the bad news is I didn’t make it 48. Although I had committed in my mind, my heart obviously has a mind of its own. My mistake wasn’t giving into temptation, for once I actually didn’t even want to drink. I was at someones house and they handed me a drink and I honestly didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to decline. I was more concerned about hurting their feelings than hurting my progress.

Lesson learned: Things in motion tend to stay in motion so during my first 30 days its probably best to surround myself ONLY with the type of energy that will keep that positive momentum moving forward.

Although I’m disappointed with myself, I am happy to share openly and honestly that I couldn’t even go 48 hours before walking back into the prison thats kept me captive for 18 years. I was given the key to release myself out of the shackles of addiction and felt how good freedom felt, but not even 48 hours later I put myself back into the prison bonds. Ugh.

Today is a new day but Im feeling drained and depleted of my life source. Am I to be a slave to a beverage? How can it hold so much power and take on a personality all its own? How can a liquid be more powerful than me? I have surfed waves and been pummeled and thrown against the coral reefs and have walked away feeling alive and free but one sip of wine and it shipwrecks me and leaves me powerless. OMG!

All I can do today is check in with all of you and make myself accountable and draw upon your strength as I sit upon the shores of discouragement.

Anyone thinking of relapsing today DONT! Feel free to message me and I’ll throw you a metaphorical lifesaver! I’ll use as many descriptive words as I can to describe the lethargy in my mind, my body, and my soul. The lack of sleep, the blood shot eyes, the lack of energy. I’ve just robbed myself of a whole day of life. I’ll never get it back. Dont do it! The only way I can salvage this day is by trying to encourage SOMEONE not to rob themselves of theirs! ITS NOT WORTH IT!

If your on instagram and you wanna join my photo journal of recovery where Im not limited in what I share and post, look me up under @naturehippyhi

Aloha and have a beautiful SOBER day!


Thank you! I was looking forward to your positive slant on relapsing :joy:

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Don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings! They will respect that you’re just “not feeling it today” and if they don’t they’re not a friend. You could always just hold the drink and not drink it, although that could be more torturous than anything at times. Be honest with the people who matter and stay away from the people who don’t during the beginning of this process. There is no such thing as “healthy use”. Alcohol is not healthy no matter how low the dose. You can do it!

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Thank you @Hailey ! I love the “not feeling it today”.
Although complete social isolation would be nice, it’s hardly attainable :joy::grimacing:I’ve tried

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We support you :slight_smile: i know its tough and feel bad when something turns bad by actions . And the best part is that you are open and honest .thank you for that @Naturehippy try stay positive and let things go . You can if you will

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Very honest of you. Ano great that you encourage others. You are right of course about the alcohol taking on a personality of its own. I used to wake up thinking never again until 6pm and I’d have forgotten the tiredness bed wetting (occasionally) lack of motivation. Then I went to allen carr and he explained it so well. Basically it helped me. Itsm habit… withdrawl… ano that monster in the brain. When you think about it… you as a person don’t want to drink. So it must be the alien part wanting a drink. Easy? It got me to day 87 before I thought I was the boss. Now on 48 hours!! Stick with it


Just reading the words “we support you” makes me feel… amazing- despite the hangover. I’ve never felt so good and so bad all at the same time :heart:️️
Thank you

Mahalo- what’s Allen Carr? Or who rather

Allen carr wrote a book or several. Easyway to stop drinking. I read it and stopped for a week. Then I saw he has seminars worldwide. Went to one. Stopped for 3 months before thinking I was obviously ok. It’s £300 but they give you money back if you drink within 90 days and then you attend two booster sessions


Wow! Thank you!

One day I’m going to write a book on how to stop drinking! I can feel it! :joy:

In the meantime, I’ll read his. Many thanks for taking the time to support and encourage me on this bittersweet day

No worries. The strange thing is that in September after 3 months off I said… just one tonight. Now I’ve had 3 months back on it. 48 hours now and I feel happier. I know I will wake up fresh. You can do it. Days fly by.


Well done for 3months being sober that’s amazing. It’s when we feel we can control drinking that we are at our most vulnerable. But I am starting to realize there can never bee just one drink there has to be none as after one is another and then you are back to square one with an horrendous hangover and memory loss and this pit in your stomach of failure.


Gosh- you guys really get me! This forum is a gift!

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IT sure is !! I use this everyday, my homegroup and sponsor too. Some great tools . Do whatever it takes to stay sober / clean


I’m like you @NatalieE. I would go to the pub for 2 pints then to the shop to get wine. I would buy a bottle as I knew that would get me high and give me a fix. Soon however 1 was not enough. So 1 became 2 and then 3 although I always threw some away next morning as never finished. But I could never go dry and would over buy so that never ran out. My mate says just have 2 pints and go home but 4 walls on your own drove me to seek to anaesthtise myself. So… just the odd one? I can’t but rather than feel sorry I feel it opens a lot more avenues. And those people drinking just 2 or 3 have a lifetime of slavery to this horrible drug

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Wow your comments are relatable since it’s the exact thing I think n goes through my head. I am always sick I can’t understand why I would keep doing this to myself but I do. I’m not in control of this. Tomorrow’s another day please god let it be the last . Sick again lets go

Made it 12 days, then relapsed. I am so disappointed with myself. It sure was not worth the money or time lost. Here I go again trying to rid myself of this horrible habit…I am going to look into finding the book by A. Carr today.

This is my problem when we don’t drink we think we have control and can just have a few is NEVER the case

Hi @Victoria. Allen carr book is very good. I’m in UK but there are clinics worldwide. I stopped drinking for 87 days after his seminar. He is dead by the way but the guys that run it are great. The book alone will see you stop for a while but I can recommend the method

Hi @Selenadv. Really get you. 1 drink… what’s the point? Doesn’t change anything… Doesn’t give us the fix or hit. So I used to drink until out of it. Numb legs… zombie like. I now drink non alcoholic wine which is sparkling. With ice. Nice. Day 9 nearly done