I had a conversation with my sponsor about wanting to go back out and drink. he said to me if you go back out and drink this time you will probably need inpatient rehab because you’ve never been before and everything else makes you still want to drink. I’m a high bottom emotional alcoholic, no detoxes, no rehabs, no shakes, no seizures, no DWIs, no lost homes, etc. However emotional pain, anguish, guilt, shame, remorse, suicidal ideations, depression, anxiety, etc. I mentioned to my sponsor that there are risks and there are rewards in life. I tried to compare it to him people that mountain climb (free climb), hang glide, trek Everest, Hike mountains, mountain bike in trails etc, having a risk and a reward. I had to think about it because he initially told me food and sex are tough addictions to treat because they are essential to humans needs whereas alcohol is not. the above examples that I gave her also non-essential human needs but human beings like to do fun things with the awareness of the risk. So I don’t see how drinking is any different then free climbing where if one slip you are dead. Thanks for any input.
Human being like to do fun things even tho the risk. Yes, they do.
Do you have fun when you drink?
I don’t get what you are trying to say.
This tells me that you suffer when you drink.
So why do it.
I don’t suffer when I climb a mountain I actually enjoy the freedom.
I didn’t enjoy the chains of drinking even though I used to enjoy it once upon a time.
By the time I stopped, I hated the control it had over me.
Climbing a mountain or tearing down a hill on a bike are fun.
This doesn’t compare at all. A slip up for an alcoholic does not necessarily mean death, neither is the decision on your part to pick up again a slip up. It sounds like a lot more justification and planning is going on in your case. Also, alcoholism is a progressive disease. You might be “fine” for a while after you pick back up, and not immediately crash your car and die. Just go back to the slow painful emotional death through depression and anxiety you have already had begun - I was on the same route when I was still drinking. And as already has been pointed out here, the feeling of accomplishment, skill, thrill and empowerment that is the fun of mountaineering has nothing in common with the funhouse horror of raging alcoholism.
Your addiction is taking to you in your own voice. Start living your sober life in its full potential as much as possible and you won’t have anything to romanticise about. Power to sober you!
I have fun when I drink and then it turns dark that night. Usually because I’m drinking alone. my friend in AA who’s got 6 years sober was playing devil’s advocate and said let’s say you do go back out how come you don’t drink with people? I told him I’d love to not just sit home and drink alone but all my friends my age are married and have children and none of them are out doing anything and they don’t want to be sitting on porches and hanging out. once I start drinking I feel great the tunes are livelier the TV brighter everything is more fun for hours and then it starts to get bad mentally and the next morning sucks.
Sponsored a few guys who thought maybe give it another try some of them in the grave yard
Your just romanticising it.
TV is just as crap but music is better. I still love my music, in fact the songs I used to like getting wasted to have helped me to get sober. Why, because they are my favourite songs. I just changed my mindset.
I no longer drink but I’m enjoying life way more than I did drinking. Especially towards the end.
Take it from me, once you accept everything and move on life will get better.
I hope you don’t believe the hype that you need to be drinking to have fun; maybe read some more threads about people who have come back after trying. 
If you die drinking, your legacy would be that of a “pathetic” alcoholic. The pathetic part is not my opinion, but what non-addicts see.
If you die climbing, your legacy will be that you died while experiencing freedom, joy and doing what you loved.
Except of course when you free climb drunk…
Still a bottom. I also consider my bottom a high-bottom. I know it’s hard to find motivation sometimes. But there are ways. How 'bout you make a 50 goal bucket list. I guarantee you that there’s multiple things you want to do in life that you can’t do drunk. For example a marathon, climb mount everest, drive an expensive car, being able to touch your feet with your hands with straight legs. So many things you cant do with the drinking lifestyle.
Do you want to feel this again? If you relapse, all those feelings will be your demise. You will want to drown those feelings, making them stronger while you’re sober, so you drink more. Your body can take more alcohol before becoming drunk, so you will drink more. Your high rock-bottom will no longer be high. You will lose everything. Your drivers licence, your job, your home since you cant keep new jobs.
you will live on the streets facing all elements and eventually die.
Or you can choose to enjoy the benefits life in recovery gives you.
I hope you choose wisely. I won’t stop you, since you’re responsible for your own life, if you choose to relapse, but decide to come back, you will still be welcome here
Don’t do it! I just did this yesterday…I had a really bad relapse 2 weeks ago where I went to the hospital, fighting the cops all the way there, etc. it was horrible!! I swore off drinking, got a sponsor, started doing my meetings again and had every intention of staying strong this time. but then I thought you know I would like one last drink, go to an actual bar, pace myself kind of like a farewell thing… and 2 martinis turned into 3 then I got a 6-pack of beer… then I got wine the next day. missed work again. Vomiting and dry heaving into last night. haven’t eaten in 24 hours. I’m not saying this will happen to you, but 2 years ago when I really started this journey of getting sober, things did start to happen. I did go to treatment and the hospital, lost 2 jobs, lost my house, family. it very slowly but surely all came to pass. I thought, nah I’d never get to that point. here I am still battling it. I’ve never fully let it go, even though it has brought nothing but misery. we will always have emotional things to deal with in our lives. the “easy” solution is grabbing a drink. but it will take your life over no matter how strong you are, slowly but surely. I don’t wish those things for you, but just be very very careful. Do anything you have to not to romanticize having that 1st drink, or taking it. You can and will do this. So will I. I will be praying for you 
I was into rock climbing (roped in) when I was younger, it definitely boosts your adrenaline and dopamine, sense of accomplishment and self esteem when you climb the side of a steep face…no lie it is a fantastic feeling successfully completing a climb. Had a friend who would free solo up next to us, which was fascinating to watch.
I also drank for a long long time…in no way shape or form was my drinking like rock climbing. I did not feel accomplished or like I was using my brain and body positively or that I was doing anything other than being a person who drinks.
Drinking catches up with you if you do it long enough. You wake up with regrets and self hatred or much worse. It robs you of the very life affirming stuff that endeavors like rock climbing bring to your life.
Indeed we all have free will and choice on how to live our lives or take chance with it. Drinking is not a FUN thing for those of us who struggled to be free of that yoke. The illusion of drinking as fun is what ropes us in. Understanding the reality of drinking for the soul sucking life destroying force it is was key for me in healing and beginning my recovery.
The comparison are completely different off the scale different. tbh I believe your answer ya looking for is in the title you wrote for this thread away to rationalize and justify BC you want to pick up but know u shouldn’t or it’s not healthy you want another way ,I mean this in no ill way I’m just writing it as I see it I apologize if I’m off the mark