Very nicely said. And it gets so much easier with each passing day.
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Yes! I was like this too in early sobriety. I’ve gotten much better since then at almost 22 months. I do a lot of sobriety meetings and enjoy exploring my spirituality now. Well done. I remember some very positive shifts at 4 months.
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You can’t always enjoy and be 100% present all the time. Doing your best is fine! I have done some halfassed playing and listening to my kids. And I am sure I will do more in the future.
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What I love about AA (one of many things) is “progress not perfection”. The journey is the end game. I wasn’t present for my kids most of their growing up years. I didn’t become the ever present super mom when I got sober. But I feel I’ve improved, and I’m grateful for that.
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Do you guys think maybe im just putting too much pressure in myself? Reading this thread back im thinking maybe thats the issue on so then its making me want to back away even more from the things im expecting myself to do, i know i dont deal with pressure very well
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This has been my second sober Christmas in a row, and I can tell you that your feelings are completely normal. I am not sure what it is about the holidays that does this to us adults. Maybe it’s just the stress of getting everything ready and wanting everything to be perfect for the kids and all of the expectations we place on ourselves over it. My kids have a lot of energy and also want to just play, but my energy is mostly feeling depleted right now so I haven’t felt like the greatest mom when it comes to that either, which just leads to more feelings of guilt, which further leads to depression. I think for me too, being a single mom (which is sounds like you may be too), I just get sad around the holidays because I feel like I am lacking/inadequate at times for not having that picture perfect happy family like I always wanted. However, my issues in the past with alcohol always seemed to land me with not great life partners so it is what it is. My kids love Christmas and they had a blast even though I felt like I was crying on the inside a lot of the time. I think for me, I just need to take the time to do something fun with them. Even if it is just sitting at home playing board games. This is usually the time of year when I feel like I just want a drink, but I know it would only make me feel worse. I am 1 year 3 months and some change sober, and that is one thing I do love about myself and where I am at in life right now. There are a lot of things in life that are out of our control, but our sobriety is always in our control.
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Yes i am a single mum, thanks so much for this, although i wish you were happier it is comforting to me that you understand what its like being a single mum at Christmas, its hard anyway but harder at Christmas…its just me and my daughter Christmas morning and although its great to see her open her presents and shes amazing i do miss having someone else around to bounce off, ive also worked hard on and swallowed alot of pride to do but ive also made it possible for my daughters dad to be around as much as possible so Christmas day i invited him over and he came to see her because that makes her happy…even though i dont have feelings for him anymore just the short time he was here makes me sad for what should have been, its all such a mixed bag of emotions for me but i try my heart out to do anything in my power to make her happy
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I don’t know a lot of Mom’s who don’t put too much pressure on themselves. So my answer would be yes. You do sound stressed and pressured. Lightening your load somewhat could definitely help. 
It is so important to take care of ourselves, as well as our children. We cannot give when we are depleted ourselves. And as Misokatsu says, it is okay to half ass sometimes. 
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Thank you Sass, ive just done a list of the positives of the Christmas day we had instead of thinking about the negatives and its helped alot.
All of you have helped me so much and this is why i come on here to vent and talk to you guys…i didnt want to burden my family or friends around Christmas time with my negative stuff but when i come on here…the way i see it is you guys have the choice wether you want to read and help me if that makes sense then i dont feel so much of a burden.
I treasure you all i really do, thank you
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So happy to hear. I too find this a good place to vent and get suggestions. And yes, people can choose to answer or not, which is cool when you think about it. Plus, we get it.
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We get so caught up in feelings, and feeling good, life is full of feelings!!! not always good or bad. Its not important to dwell on every emotion that flows through us, sure some are to be harnessed and give us power, others are to be acknowledged, BUT not held on to. Not every emotion is worthy of entertaining.
8 months is HUGE! your doing great!!!
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I felt the same way after having a similarly successful Xmas that was hard work for me and fun for everyone else. I got great happiness seeing everyone happy, but there was sadness too, and I felt alone even in a crowded room. I thought a lot about it, and I think it was a mixture of things—I am sure part of it was my booze brain creating excuses for me, little pitfalls that I could sink into and justify having a single glass of wine. Another part is that I put so much energy into the anticipation of holidays—all the planning, and shopping, and making sure everything is right and ready—that once the holiday is here, there is a let down. So much work unseen that stays unseen. And no time to relax and enjoy, just more go, go, clean, clean, reset, ready, set, go. It feels like another event on a long conveyer belt of more events. I am trying to slow down and create spaces for me to get time where I do just sit and sink in stillness.
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