I ended up going from exhausted to catching some energy to exhausted again. Smashed my heavy lifting and quick metcon, prepped all sorts of good food and caught like half a nap before my toddler smacked me…a habit she learned over vacation that I will be working on breaking all next week. I’m happy I ended up being productive, the weather is grey and gross, so it would have been easy to ignore everything and just binge watch tv. Had a big roast and potato dinner with gravy, and now reading while kids watching movies. I’m starting Spirit Junkie bu Gabrielle Bernstein, I’ve read some of her other stuff and she has a great recovery story. We’ll wrap up the night with Ice cream and an early bedttime so we can get up clear headed and start over again! 
Day 3 starting off with a bang! Woke at 5, workout at 530, shower, change, toss on mascara, coffee, all before the kids wake up. Before it was more like hear baby, roll out of bed, sip coffee in chaos and workout half ass in the noon heat. Today, I am going to pitch to a potential client, clean house a bit, play with kids, run an errand, healthy salmon dinner. It’s going to be stormy all week, so board games and forts will be our play, we only have two weeks till the boy goes to school, so I’m hoping to squeeze in some sweet memories where I was missing out before. Routine and habits is the name of the game! Getting out of bed so early was hard, but I know starting my day this way is essential to keeping up healthy change.
Day 3 was awesome! I got a bunch of client proposals in, got a volunteer opportunity to help expand some of the services I want to provide (I’m a virtual assistant), so business stuff is looking up. I gave in and started playing Pokemon with my boy, I hate to say it, but I’m pretty addicted to it. I played with an awful deck he made, which got me all fired up, and I had to wrestle him out of his Mega Charzard EX, which hilarity and chasing ensued. I have a pretty killer deck now and I’m looking forward to smashing him tomorrow. 
So I had a really great day, we had lots of drabby rain, but we watched toons and played when I was done working. Sleepytime tea and bed is replacing my usual wine and netflix.
I’m a smidge antsier today for day 4 and feeling a bit on edge, but I’m keeping busy with proposal submissions and spending time with my kids. I thought we were going to get rain again today, but we didn’t so maybe I’ll round everyone up and go for a walk. Tonight I’ll play some pokemon, make a healthy dinner and get into my book. just breathe through this day
Well day 5 started off with a bang…we were woken up around 230a by a bunch of cops aprehending a set of teens that were breaking in to cars and homes in our neighborhood. Helicopters, dogs, lights, the works! I am super grateful for our city police and we are just happy they got them. On the other hand, I’m in the restless sleep phase hardcore right now, and did not end up getting back to sleep till 4 so I slept through my workout and will just postpone to the afternoon. It’s supposed to pour on us all day, so no big plans for the day. The usual stuff, work, clean, blog, workout, basketball practice.
Real life is pretty boring, which is one of the reasons I always drank, but I want to sit with this feeling and let it be real. Find new sober ways to make it fun and be happy in the wholesomeness of daily routine and the clear headedness that sobriety brings.
Day 5 ended well, I’m pretty short tempered these days, but I know it will pass. Read through the first 28 days up there and I got super sad. I stopped coming here because I felt like I didn’t need it. Then I got over stressed and didn’t want to deal, so I started drinking to numb out. I didn’t hit any of my goals, still struggling for that first client, still trying to find my way. I totally derailed myself for two months.
Time to pick up, focus on the actions I need today to be successful in day 6, hit my marketing goals, and I get to mow the lawn today!! Pray for me because it’s so darn hot. I’m putting the boy on weeding duty.
Almost through day 6, I’m exhausted. Woke up early did some work, then kids and I weeded the garden beds and I mowed the lawn. Now, I’m just stretching all my tired muscles from lifting and mowing and zoning out watching TV. I found that sleepytime tea, plus my exhale essential oil on my temples, and some deep breathing leads to the deepest sleep I’ve had in weeks.
Try not to bummed by setbacks, this process is a journey and it never will go as planned. The thing is, you made it back and hopefully you learned a few things along the way.
I think having the written record of your progress is a wonderful teaching tool. I know it has been for me over the years.
Being sober truly is a marathon…and we are all here on the sidelines cheering eachother on every step. Never give up, never surrender!
Thank you! I need all the encouragement I can get!
Man, I can relate so much to this. I remember when my son was 4 or 5, he saw me pour a few shots out of my bottle of fireball and he said “oh no, mommy! please don’t turn into a dragon!” I’m sure he just saw the dragon on the bottle, but I remember thinking to myself, “is that how he sees me when im drinking?” That was the 1st time of many that i poured it down the drain. I always justified my drinking, like “yeah im a little buzzed, but at least I did the dishes, laundry, gave him a bath, and played video games with him. I’m not a bad mom!” Right? Yeah, until he falls and hits his head, needs stitches, chokes on something… And now I’m home alone and too drunk to take him to the ER. Sometimes we’re too busy drowning out the “what-ifs” to stop and realize that those things might actually happen. I’ve been lucky. I quit drinking around him after my divorce last year. I don’t want something bad to happen on my watch because I put alcohol before the safety of my child.
I am a way different parent when I’m sober too. I’ve been focusing on quality time, I mean I left my corporate job to be with my children. Drinking should not be a factor in my relationship with them. I think we all can relate on some level, of being stressed and justifying our behaviors without seeing any dangers. I also don’t want my kids to see this behavior and see it as normal and continue the cycle that has been going on for generations in my family. I’m just going to make it work and do what’s best.
The end of today will mark one week since I had my last drink. At midnight. I drank an entire bottle of captain on my last night of vacation, by myself, for my birthday. The hubs drank his bottle of tequila and we both got home the next day and agreed it was time. I’m proud of him, he typically has his night routine of 6 beers and has not even had one this week. I wasn’t a daily drinker, but binge drank at home, alone, at least twice a week. Tonight is a trigger, but we have a family pokemon tournament planned, and early morning back to school shopping to beat the busy walmart crowds for tax free weekend on saturday. Plus basketball, lunch with mother in law and getting ready for the new school year.
Some sleepytime tea and I’m drawing the shades on a week sober. Feels good, hubs stuck it out with me, we spent quality time with the kids and I’m going to wake up early to get a workout in before we do back to school shopping. Feeling great, feeling supported and know I’ll get through another week.
What do sober parents do on Saturday morning? We get up early, go on runs, do laundry, dishes, and get to walmart at 730am to do back to school shopping during tax free weekend! Super proud of my hubs, it’s been so long since I’ve seen him go this long without a drink. He’s being helpful, interacting with the kids, and being generous. I’m so hopeful we can turn this around. I’ve been a bit off, but my tom is wreaking havoc on my body the past two days. I’m headed to bed to netflix and fall asleep, I want to wake up early and do my scheduled workout and I have a bit more yard work to do and some blogging stuff to accomplish. I’m also going to blow up the inflatable pool once more before summer ends. I have been eating EVERYTHING. part of that is my tom, but I’m also feeling antsy and wanting something “special” so I’m going to run out for donuts in the morning. Cut to me weighing 2000 pounds by the end of next week.
Me right now: (thanks Mac)
Day 9 is over! I was super irritable and ate everything, but never felt full. I felt like drinking today, but got some flavored water from CVS, their brand is delicious! I got the pineapple coconut one and the cravings subsided and I spent the afternoon in the blow up pool with my toddler. I know many don’t do mocktails, but the taste of one of my favorite drinks without the booze helped push it away. Tomorrow will be double digits and the hubs and I have both made it!
Day 11 here, I didn’t check in yesterday because I was geeking out in my biz and then i gave up the internet to spend some down time with my family. Still pretty irritable, but yesterday my son got to spend the day with his BFF, So I only had the toddler and I think she was feeding off of my grumpiness. Last week of summer here, so we’re being pretty lazy and putting in minimal effort as far as housework and going to bed early. Lol. I’m letting my son get his video game time in and I’m still hustling for clients. At least I’m doing it all with a clear head and I feel really on top of things. Stay sober folks! 
Finished day 12 and finally feeling more at peace and a little less on edge. I’ve gotten to the bottom of some biz barriers and getting clarity on my overall direction. School starts monday, thank the lord! I’m on the forgiveness chapter in Spirit Junkie, and the hardest thing to do is self forgiveness. I’m working through those blocks and feeling all of the emotions. During the week isn’t really tough for me cravings wise, but come friday and saturday, I’ll have to work through some more feelings. Anybody remember the Skeletor is love Facebook page? I’m feeling this one.
One more, just because I love them so much!
Two weeks, day 15 and waking up to another sober Saturday. Hubs has stuck it out and friday nights arr just easier when he is in on it. Didn’t wake up super early, decided to sleep in…well lay in bed and stare at my phone till the baby wakes up. School starts back next week, I’m putting myself on a diet, mostly because I feel awful everyday and have been eating too much packaged junk. I’d rather overeat real food. I’m knitting again, doing smaller projects to give my hands some practice. Life has been pretty routine, but in a really good way.
Great job @al2017!! I cherish those quiet boring life moments…I have had enough with the chaos and drama. Good for you in knitting again…that is a gentle mind distraction. I am glad your husband is doing his part as well.
Love the Skeletor!!