Really need relationship advice

Since I don’t know my ass from my elbow… and I clearly don’t know anything about red flags or how to have a a healthy relationship since I’ve been in so many toxic ones fueling my alcoholic sprees, it would be nice to chat with a woman who could help me navigate through these early sobriety waters.

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Hi there! Welcome! Are you currently in a relationship? Is there specific behavior you’re concerned about?

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I just don’t know what normal dating is supposed to look like with two people in the rooms. Seems like we’re both messed up and crazy and I’m not sure if we playing hard to get or if either of us is interested. It blows my mind that everything for me is so hard. I truly don’t know how to be an adult

I can’t give relationship advice, but I can say that writing out a sex inventory as part of my 4th step changed my life and how I view and engage in relationships. Changed. My. Life. Before that, I was running in the same old dysfunctional patterns.

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Anything ya need I’m here for ya lady

You are always welcome to message me we can figure out how to adult together :rofl:
As for relationships I have a history of toxic bad relationships we can talk about for days and honestly there are only 3 of them🤦‍♀️
But my one I’m in now that I’m sober is so different. Like completely different. I definitely didn’t know what the hell I was doing and kept telling him he didn’t want to embark on a relationship with this damaged person yet here we are🤷‍♀️
Don’t ask how I’m thinking it was how understanding and his patience with me while trying to figure out what the hell was real and wasn’t.

Like I said you are more then welcome to message me. :purple_heart:

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Fj007,
If I were you, just focus on recovery in the recovery rooms. The people who are doing good recovery are the ones you should end up with anyway, if it is anyone in the rooms. The people looking around and flirting and thinking about all the hypersexual thoughts are the ones who aren’t committed to working a good program. I am a woman and have learned to go to women’s only meetings. Be good to yourself, follow your own path, and don’t worry about anyone else. Peace and love

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Hi, I’m Randa and my favorite color is Red flag!

I’m still learning and navigating years of abuse and toxic behavior. I can see the flags waving a mile away. Some days o run head first and other days it’s a big nope.

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Can you explain the sex inventory?

I dont think theres any such thing as ‘normal dating’ nowadays. It’s all about connection and every connection is unique. If your connection is strong enough, look after it. It’s pretty special :slight_smile:

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MY favorite color is Red flags too! If only I could see them before they smacked me in the face!

@Fj007, I’m great at advice, just not relationship advice. Well, I’m really great at it actually, no one ever wants to hear it though. I’m going on 3 years since my last romantic experience and, for me, I plan to keep that number growing for a while. Hopefully you decide that taking care of yourself first is the most important thing.

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It is a part of the 4th step in a 12 step program, pretty much as described in the extract from the Big Book. :bird:

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Hi there i could use a friend too

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I know it sound lame and not like the most innovative advice, but you need to talk.
Talking is always the best thing. Being honest, talking about how you feel and what your insecurities/worries are etc. It makes a lot of things easier and builds trust.
Especially in your case as you said you don’t even know whether you’re interested in each other or not.
I had to learn it the hard way too, but talking sometimes brings clarity - for yourself and others.
Stay safe :blush::cherry_blossom::butterfly:

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I can relate to being frustrated with relationships. For me, I had to get to a point where I had to surrender this desire to have sex and love in my life over to God.

Until I did that, I was destined to pursue counterfeits.

Finding love from God and myself took a greater priority. I learned to lovingly accept others around me, no longer just loving the sex and the love that they offered me.

After a while of that, things started to make a lot more sense.

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