Reasons for fighting


#242
  1. I don’t like how this makes me feel

  2. I don’t like how this makes me think

  3. I need to keep up with healthy habits to avoid being depressed


#243
  1. I got my therapeutic cry for the month, I’m basically good now right?

  2. My grandmother decided her diabetes didn’t exist. May I never pass that far into self delusion.

  3. Almost to a week


#244
  1. I had another super disturbing addiction dream so thank you very much but we will not be having those continue.

  2. This crud will tear me apart as a person and devour all the good inside I hold dear.

  3. I’m going to finish my bread tomorrow, and hopefully do some writing. If I relapse all of that will either be put off or done without joy.


#245
  1. I don’t want to hurt people with my addiction

  2. I’ve been getting so much healthier mentally, this is just another demon to understand.

  3. Tonight’s gonna be rough even without a relapse.


#246

:heart::heart: you ok ?


#247

My reasons are:

  1. I want to live presently in my life. I don’t want to have to ask someone what horrible /embarrasing things I did last night.
  2. I want to put more effort into spending time with loved ones.
  3. I want to take care of my body, mentally and physically. I already feel so much better than when I was drinking.

#248

My mom isn’t doing well. She’s in the hospital. And enough of family is flying in that I’m beginning to think there’s something no one is telling me. I have to hope she was right when she told me she felt that she’d make it to get treatment. Her feelings on these things are usually right.

So basically I’m just being hit with a lot of difficult feelings.

Thank you for asking.


#249
  1. Things are rough. It’s time to focus on taking care of myself the best ways I know, and that means not relapsing.

  2. If a kid were to enter my life right now for whatever reason, would I feel like like I’m engaged in the most terrifying game of hide and seek?

  3. If I can’t heal, then at some point my helping someone will become unhelpful. Because if I’m not healthy how can I get someone else to be?


#250

Whelp. I’ve been too absorbed in other issues these last few days to deal with this one. But I’m doing it today.

  1. I may, at some point, be living with one of my brothers. Obviously I don’t want to do something stupid around them.

  2. I have stuff to write because feelings and garbage. Writing happens when I’m clean.

  3. This isn’t the sort of life I want for myself.


#251
  1. When I relapse I’m always too rough and bitter to people who don’t deserve it.

  2. I need to learn to stop fearing the emptiness, because when I do I turn to my temporary highs.

  3. If I’m functional I can go see my mother.


#252
  1. Going through these stupid withdrawals and such over and over is so annoying.

  2. I always feel super freaking lousy after relapsing

  3. The addiction is like applying a bandage right next to the actual wound. Useless in all respects.


#253

My kids need me💜 I want to be there for them I mean REALLY be there. I want to be able to help them when they have troubles not be stuck in my own selfish hell. Like tunnel vision always thinking about coke. I hate it. And my nose is getting fucked up…

I fight for my kids. My family. My health. And my future💜


#254
  1. This isn’t something I can afford to lose to

  2. I’m sick of letting this define my life.

  3. I need to know I can make the choice between what’s right and what I want. Because if I can’t then I can’t consider myself safe to be around.


#255

I cannot physically think straight it’s almost two in the morning

  1. Family drama may I never be so SCREWED UP

  2. It’ll help me SLEEP

  3. I’m more susceptible to other people’s garbage when I’m feeling like garbage


#256
  1. I’d sooner light myself on fire than relapse tonight.

#257
  1. I need to grow to stand on my own, become someone great that my mom can be proud of.

  2. I don’t want this week to be a week that I relapse.

  3. I can do things to improve my situation. I’m not helpless to it.


#258
  1. At this point crashing after a relapse could put me in a major bad headspace

  2. The healthier I get, the more alive I feel

  3. I really don’t want to relapse. I just. Don’t want to.


#259

Reasons for today
1 -being able to see at people’s eyes without shame
2- thinking in: I can die today
3- somebody is watching me.


#260
  1. I don’t want to lose God’s comfort

  2. Tomorrow is my mother’s funeral

  3. I’ll create the bonds I need by building up and reaching out.


#261

I don’t want to be tired and sleep constantly when sober. Nothing is getting done around my house. I’m losing time that should be spent with my kids. I can’t even keep my eyes open.

I don’t want to be trapped inside this addictive mind. I want to be free.