Reasons for fighting

Life in Recovery
427

  1. It occurs to me that I’ve always been very passive in relationships and I want to think of my friends more.

  2. It isn’t about who deserves redemption. No one needs to deserve redemption. It’s about being better. It’s about not hurting anyone anymore.

  3. When I’m feeling lousy I stop paying attention to my plants and they start deteriorating too.

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428
  1. My stress level is already high, I can’t imagine the anxiety I get from drinking on top of it.
  2. The reality of my job is about to smack me in the face, I need to to ready to take on the challenge.
  3. My girls need me present the few hours a day we get together now that school has started.
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429

  1. There are better ways to deal with things.

  2. I need to be able to handle things on the days I’m empty.

  3. Sometimes recovery seems like a pretty lie, but so did surviving to eighteen. Things aren’t as ugly as they look.

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430
  • I’m never in control when I drink
  • I almost always forget or blackout
  • it ruins my health
  • I don’t like myself and I’m mean when I drink
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431
  1. I am no longer feeling ashamed of myself.
  2. I am starting to look forward to things that before would have sent me over the edge.
  3. “Be the change you want to see in the world”
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432

  1. I’m getting a therapist soon and it’s probably good to not walk in first session as a smoking dumpster fire.

  2. Got a haircut, looking fresh. Want to feel cool about it.

  3. Don’t want to strain my wrists more than I am.

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433
  1. I am so close to reaching my first sober goal.
  2. I am managing my home life far better then I ever did before.
  3. I have to survive coaching tomorrow morning
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434

My 3 reasons: my own sanity and future dreams, my pocketbook and being able to manage daily expenses again, and most importantly my little boy. He will have a sober mommy. He deserves nothing less than that at least.

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435

  1. I want to connect to people again. It feels hard regardless but it’s even more hopeless while fueling this.

  2. Cravings are the worst kind of background radiation.

  3. I’m less inclined to try at anything

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436
  1. Snuggling with my daughter is far better for this world than having a beer with a bunch of load drinkers.
  2. My body deserves better.
  3. My mind is much clearer without alcohol.
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437
  1. I deserve it.
  2. I don’t want my life passing me by.
  3. I want to make my current relationships more meaningful
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438
  1. My kids deserve better than a mom functioning at 40% like they have been for the last 9 years.
  2. There is so much more to life than getting wasted every evening. I want to explore those endless possibilities.
  3. It is time for me to stop hating myself and being so self destructive. I have punished myself enough. Time to heal.
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439

  1. I think a part of me wants to prove everything right, that I’m hopeless etc so that I can stop trying. But not trying is so frickin boring and lame.

  2. Pouring myself into the bottomless pit of the unsatisfied has left me empty. Now that I’ve recognized it I need to take responsibility for what I’ve been using to try and fill myself with.

  3. I think I’m so used to thinking of myself as in pain I’ve forgotten that everything isn’t always painful. I want to start remembering happy things.

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440
  1. Tonight will be my first 30 days sober and I don’t want to reset that!
  2. I want people to be proud of me, not make excuses for me.
  3. I want to figure out who I really am.
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441

  1. Fall air always smells like possibility and magic, maybe I’ll do something really cool during it.

  2. I’m hoping to Skype my best friend soon, I want to feel like myself during it.

  3. God, life, other people, they’ve all been more forgiving than I expect. I need to put to rest my fears that I’ve somehow become unfixable.

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442
  1. I would like to set good examples for my girls.
  2. I would like my body as healthy as possible.
  3. I don’t have time to be hungover
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443

My 3 reasons for today are

  1. On day 6 I feel more clear headed than I have in years.
  2. I have not had the feeling of shame “oh shit what did I do last night?” In 6 days and that feels great.
  3. I have recently been honest with my teen kids about my alcoholism and I dont want to let them down.
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444

  1. Younger kids will always look up to me. What is the example that I’m setting?

  2. I’m sick of the careless attitude some of the world holds for addiction. I don’t want to be that.

  3. I need to be friends with myself. So I need to stop pushing me away.

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445
  1. Work is going to be to chaotic to be anything but 100% this week.
  2. My girls will only be little for so long, I want to enjoy every exhausting minute of it.
  3. My anxiety has been at an all time low since not drinking.
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447

Not a great day. I can barely think of 3 and I’m sobbing writing this.

  1. I don’t want to die from some alcohol related illness like my sister who I miss with all my heart and soul

  2. I want to be here for my kids as long as possible

  3. I want to quit working for other people and start my own business. I need to be clear headed continually and not have this on my mind to be able to even strategize on how to achieve this.

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