Reasons for fighting


#604
  1. I keep getting reminded that people care about me. I’m not always a burden.

  2. Distracting yourself from pain only works if you work up to actually doing something about the pain.

  3. If I’m going to be so scared of losing highs then I need to not do things that make me crash.


#605
  1. My kids
  2. My kids
  3. I want to be proud of myself

#606
  1. My brother and his wife are coming for thanksgiving.

  2. I had a bad night yesterday but I handled it like a pro.

  3. Gonna Skype with my best friend maybe, wanna be clean.


#607
  1. My girls
  2. I made it so much farther than I thought I could (today is day 100)
  3. I feel bad when I don’t read and like @ShamedPuppet post everyday. (Your thread and knowing your out there has really helped).

#608
  1. I don’t like messing up my body chemicals, they weren’t really super to begin with.

  2. Since my mother’s death it’s been like the end of an era. I’d like the new one to be great.

  3. Goals are attainable. Sometimes I need to remember that.


#609

Awesome job!! :smiley:


#610
  1. I can except the challenges of my job
  2. I am creating a home my girls deserve
  3. I am seeing progress in myself

#611
  1. So long as I keep making the same choices nothing will change.

  2. My moral compass gets shot whenever I give in.

  3. Family in town. Gotta handle that like a pro.


#612
  1. I feel like this addiction symbolizes all the ways I’m stuck and I HATE IT

  2. I hate how it affects me physically.

  3. I fall deeper into other bad habits with this.


#613
  1. Change has never been my enemy. It’s always been staying on the same bad course. I need to change now.

  2. My brother and his wife think I’m good. I’d like to not dispel that.

  3. I can make myself into someone new.


#614
  1. The addiction is a dead end road.

  2. I still have people I don’t want to disappoint.

  3. I’m sick of it being a crutch and being intrusive and taking over everything.


#615
  1. I got a new scarf. Don’t want negative associations.

  2. I want to enjoy the rest of break.

  3. I want my last day with my bro and his wife to be good.


#616
  1. Sick of the shame

  2. Want to taste success just a bit

  3. I’ve got expectations to live up to.


#617
  1. If anything else, just to spite the judgements of my grandmother (haha what a fun thanksgiving)

  2. The fact that I’m falling into this mess means I’m failing myself as my own therapist. I can’t do that!

  3. I’m sore. I don’t want to do a dumb thing and make it worse.


#618
  1. My family needs a responsible adult.
  2. I enjoy being sober now, I don’t want to have to restart and loose that
  3. I am finally making memories on vacation, not just drinking in a new location.

#619
  1. It always leads me into other unhealthy habits.

  2. As it turns out, pretending problems aren’t there doesn’t fix them. I was reminded today.

  3. Mom would have wanted better for me. I’ve always been inclined to trying to give her what I can.


#620

I’ve been a real asshole this past year… I’ve gone down a bad road, dug myself a deep hole, hurt my loved ones, compromised my morals and integrity & overall just plain sucked as a person. I’m 8 days clean now & determined to change my life.

  1. I’ve lost the trust & faith of my fiancé. He still loves & respects me, (the respect has dwindled, but still there) but he doesnt have much faith in me to act like an adult or contribute to our life & future. When I was using, I knew this, i just tried to avoid thinking about it and downplayed the severity of the situation I created. Now being sober, I am filled with regret & remorse… but I am also filled with determination to fix it, restore his faith in me, & make it up to him, all the havoc I’ve caused for him.
  2. I’ve created quite the financial hole for myself. My fiancé & I moved into our own place last January. At first paying rent was fine, until I hit the depths of my drug use. I fell behind on rent month after month. Luckily my parents are my landlords so they have been leniant. That’s a good thing now that I’m sober & catching up on rent, wasnt so good when I was using and used it as an excuse to spend rent money on cocaine… I have been able to catch up on the 3 months that I owed. Now I currently owe only for the month of November. So I still owe, but hey, it’s a start. I also have 2 credit cards that I’ve maxed out and have to pay off, but I’m starting to get myself back in the position to do that… so progress.
  3. I’ve become very unhealthy physically. I’ve gained so much weight… which I know is odd for someone with a cocaine dependency, usually it makes one thinner… but I was more of a binge user so after I’d binge for a day or 2, I would sober up and eat my body weight in junk food. Not to mention the amount of beer I drank when binging. And then there was the cigarette smoking when binging… and I would wake up the next morning feeling like I swallowed razor blades. Overall I was just SUPER unhealthy. And as much as I told myself I was going to be healthier and start working out, I never did because I was always sleeping off the binge. Which created the worst sleep pattern one could have that just added to my unhealthy habits. So now that I’m sober, I cant say I’ve changed too much on the health front as far as eating because hey, one thing at a time right? But I dont stay up for 48 hrs then sleep for 18 anymore. When I’m awake, I’m more active & productive. And I try not to eat total shit anymore.

So yeah, those are my current reasons and what I’m doing with them.

I’m writing this tonight because I am particularly stressed about money right now, which was usually a stressor for me that I would go get high to avoid thinking about it, but I’m doing this instead tonight. Here’s to progress… and trying not to be an asshole anymore!


#621

So here’s another (kind of silly) reason to keep fighting; in my stat tracker, my dot is the highest it’s ever been. New numbers are showing up on the Y axis and this makes me TOTALLY GIDDY! I know it’s somewhat silly, but checking it and seeing that line go higher and higher helps me maintain focus and positivity.


#622
  1. I want to be healthy again.
  2. I have more energy when sober.
  3. People are noticing a change in me and that feel a good.

#623
  1. I’ve been burying my head in the sand to cope recently and it’s taking me down roads where I want the addiction back. An ugly reminder to not do that I suppose.

  2. I made a new friend! She taught me about egg storage! Want to be a cool new friend.

  3. I recently got stranded somewhere for a little while and it reminded me how helpless I am. I can’t wait to be saved. Help comes when you’ve done all you can.