I had the same self loathing when i quit cigarettes. Thinking about how dumb it was to ever get started. All the money I wasted. All the time spent I could have been doing something healthier. You just have to suck it up, look towards the future, and realize that it made you who you are and you are on the right path now. And please consider yourself fortunate for not ruining your life over it.
Yeah, I’m fortunate enough to have gotten off with minimal financial, emotional, spiritual, and social losses… oh, and premature aging. 
You are very fortunate. In my quit smoking app 2 ppl passed away from smoking related illnesses. I have 2 buddies that lost almost everything from alcohol.
Life can be brutal we are really the fortunate ones to recognize a growing problem and address it before it gets out of hand. Dont feel guilty for being here your positivity will spread like fire:fire:. You are doing yourself and those around you a huge favor whether you or they realize it or not. 