Hello everyone, I am new here. I’d already used the app, but finally I decided to create an account and tell my story.
I’m 27 years old. And because I feel like I hit rock bottom, I realized that I’m a love / sex addict. I came from having my PMO addiction appeased two years ago, but I think I just replaced the addiction.
All this as a result of my recent “love” breakup or if that can be called love. After 3 years of relationship. My ex decided to discard me. Yes, I was being manipulated by a narcissist. I knew something was wrong and it anchored me in a world of sex in which she always did what she wanted with me. Even watching me have sex with other girls in front of her. This may sound like the best thing in the world to many men, but it really is not. I was in love and for me the love of a couple must be exclusive. I thought it was a sexual fantasy thing but in the end I realized that she never loved me and only used me.
I decided to get advice from a psychologist and I was really able to verify everything I had been thinking. My intuition wasn’t that skewed after all. She constantly triangulated me and made me jealous. She ghosted me and then looked for me. She even finished me several times and then looked for me.
The last breakup was a month ago and I decided to stop that situation. Applying zero contact. Until now she has been calling me and searching everywhere like crazy, asking me to come back to her and telling me that she really loves me, but I am tired of suffering.
Then it started to give me a lot, a lot of anxiety. And I hired an escort. I also had sex with a mature lady who lives closer to my house. Just to feel full or that I was not lacking what my ex had planted in my mind. I feel like she made me addicted to sex in every way, including porn. And now I’m living it and really the anxiety is horrible, I feel horrible. That now I am the one who uses people. This has made me cry a lot.
I approached the church and spoke with the pastor of the community. I also started therapies to regain my self-esteem and my value as a person. I have realized all this time that I have a terrible addiction to love and to feel loved. I have been exploring with therapies, all the deficiencies in my life and in my childhood. I must regain my self-love.
I am currently 7 days sober. I need to recover. I hope to find someone here who has experienced the same thing as me and can help me with something. Thanks for reading me.
Thank you. I am fighting anxiety at the same time as my broken heart. Despite having a lot of emotional confusion right now, I feel like I have a north. Reading some things here has helped me understand certain things. The next step is to work only on me.
Hey @Aniel, your post speaks of a lot of self reflection, humility and the will to grow, change, heal. All wonderful character traits that will be beneficial to you in your journey.
I know what it’s like to be in the throes of total anxiety, confusion, depression but at the same time, since I’m sober, to feel there still is a North in me, as you say, so I’m not ever quite as hopeless now as I used to be. That alone is reason for me for hope and optimism, if I do get depressed these days.
I’m sure you will find a lot of support and input on this app, many great people here, some with your addiction. I hope to read more from you and be able to follow your progress. Don’t hesitate to ask anything.
Welcome. Be proud of yourself because you are already way ahead of where many wouldn’t be …you recognize your problem, your self aware and you actively doing something about your problems. We are all addicts here…it matters not what the specifics are. Addiction is addiction. I’m very proud of you. Keep at it! Thank you for sharing and I hope you continue to do so😁
Thanks for the support. I’m glad to hear from you. It motivates me a lot to read all kinds of stories here. And know that a healing can be achieved. Soon I will update in this same post. I know what to do, but how hard it is to fight cognitive dissonance due to the traumatic bond, anxiety, all this confusion. I feel my soul burning.
Thank you very much for your words. And yes, addiction is addiction. Sometimes it scares me that I can’t do it. Or that my problem is unique or rare. Or I feel like I’m making too little progress, but my psychologist tells me that speed doesn’t matter, the important thing is to continue.
Addiction comes in many forms and i experienced so many of them. Your courage to come forth about what is happening to you is powerful. Congratulations on the first step. It does get easier with time and dedication.
Your very welcome and i hope they .Progress …the next right thing…is the most important thing…through all our struggles if we just keep moving forward things will get better