Big hugs to you my friend. Please hug Little Reese for me too. 
I am so very sorry for what you had to endure in your youth. You are SAFE now! You are HEALING now. Grateful that you are reclaiming your body.
I am sure today was a lot to handle so please do rest and take care of yourself. Much love to you friend 
Hi… you are doing so wonderful.. Always love to see your posts.
Day 251
Doing okay. Had some nightmares last night, but it was…interesting. “Normal” scary dreams instead of reliving trauma. A relief, to be honest. Just continuing to chug along.
Day 252.
Finishing up the day. Feeling alright. Accomplished. Very tired, though. I wonder how restful my sleep actually is. Hmm.
Going to do my yoga and go straight to bed. Goodnight, sober gang.
Day 253.
Jut finished my iced coffee. One more day until my weekend. Next week my aunt and uncle are visiting, so it will be a short work week. Just gotta hang in there. I can and will do this!
Finishing up Day 254 (I think?)
Spent all day sleeping and “bed rotting.” Picked up some groceries, tidied up around the house, started a load of dishes and laundry.
It’s the new moon and also the solar eclipse. I’m going to do a Tarot reading and some yoga, finish up with journaling and meditation, then time for sleep.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. Pre-op appointment in the morning for my upcoming surgery, therapy appointment in the afternoon, fall equinox celebration in the evening. Not gonna lie, it feels nice to fill out those health questionnaires at appointments and note that I don’t drink/smoke/use. My last surgery was a year and a half ago, and I remember the discomfort with having to abstain from using for 2 months pre-op due to health risks. Now I don’t have to worry about that. Grateful for my sobriety. 
Wishing you well with your pre op appointment. 
Day 255.
Had a good pre-op appointment, was very anxious but my surgeon is super kind and knowledgeable.
Home now and feeling very drained and tired. Going to take a nap before therapy, then get some chores done. Otherwise I’m doing okay 
oh this is lovely to hear.
Day 256.
Nothing to say. About to sleep. Wanted to check in for sobriety accountability. My aunt and uncle landed in my town today and I’ll be seeing them on Thursday. Have a good 24 sober hours, my friends.
Howdy.. not to be intrusive.. can you share what kind of surgery you are having….? Maybe I missed the details or you want to keep private. Whichever sending.. love and fast healing thoughts your way.
Would rather keep it private, thank you. It should be a simple outpatient and I’m going under general anesthesia. I appreciate you checking in 
Day 258.
Really good day! My aunt (bio father’s eldest sister) and uncle are visiting my state, so I was finally able to see them for the first time in decades. It was nice, we went to the aquarium, walked around the city, and had a good dinner. I’ll be seeing them again tomorrow.
It was also interesting to talk to them and put some things into perspective. They were really shocked and appalled by the level of abuse that I went through in my home growing up. I also found out that my bio father was continuing the cycle of abuse passed down from his father (a surprise to be, considering how my father said his dad was the greatest man who ever lived and worshiped the ground he walked on). And my personal favorite, that my bio mother, “wasn’t winning any popularity contests in the family.” And that my aunt “would call her a bitch, but that’s insulting to bitches.” So that was pretty validating to hear.
It was…weirdly nice to know that I’m not crazy and that something was Seriously Wrong with my childhood. That there are adults whom I’m related to that are horrified by what I endured. And that these adults love and accept me and even said that they’re incredibly impressed by what a good human I’ve become. So that was really nice to hear.
Heading home now. Very exhausted. Going to see them again tomorrow. Grateful to be sober. Grateful to be healing.
Beautiful Reese. Glad you had the chance for the visit and grateful that you and all that you have been through was validated. You aren’t crazy . You my friend are strong and beautiful. Working on healing from the past and living life now without any shields.
Much love to you
Haven’t heard from you in a while. Hope you are doing well
Day 264.
Been really busy wrapping up things at work and getting prepped for my surgery. Going in to the hospital today, hopefully all goes well! Wish me luck, gang.
Much love and best of luck today!
Hi guys, I lived!
Surgery went well, my entire team was amazing and so patient/kine/understanding of my anxiety. I ended up being held longer than planned because my oxygen levels kept dropping after I woke up, but once I stabilized I was able to go home with my mom. At my parents’ house, they are being incredibly loving and doting on me. I’m just trying to soak it all in.
TW for opiod use (as prescribed)
I’m in a LOT of pain on and off. I have a pretty good non-opiod pain regimen, but I also have oxycodone as needed (half to full tab every 4 hours as needed, not to exceed 6 tabs in 24 hours). I’ve been trying to avoid taking the oxy, but I did take it twice today, both times because I was crying out and trembling from the pain. It definitely helped and I’m trying to give myself some grace, since I just had a MAJOR SURGERY and got a whole organ removed, so it’s perfectly fine to take the medications as directed by my doctor.
I did realize that it makes me feel stoned, and while there was a tiny bit of nostalgia, it was miniscule to the discomfort. Like, “THIS is what I was trying to feel like all the time? Drowsy and out of it and slurring my words and falling asleep mid-text?” If anything I feel like these pain meds are reaffirming my desire for sobriety. And for when the pain isn’t completely and utterly unbearable, I have Tylenol and gabapentin (avoiding ibuprofen because it interacts with another med and increases risk of internal bleeding).
I’m not yet ready to share what procedure I had since it was/is pretty personal. Maybe someday I’ll feel comfortable to share on here. But I’m also keeping in mind that this is a public forum that anyone can see. (Maybe I’ll post it in the lounge? Who knows).
Anyway, time for bed. Just took my routine bedtime meds, I have my CPAP machine to help me breathe, rescue inhaler is in reach, and mom and dad are just a couple of rooms away.
Have a beautiful rest of your day/evening, everyone.
Thank you for the update. Glad that all went well and you are at your parents place. Take it easy my friend. Wishing you a quick and easy recovery.
I did take oxy for the first day after my surgery …just 3 tablets total and then thinking it may help took 1 tablet on day 3…it didn’t help and made me constipated which led to other issues. Make sure to listen to your body.
Sending love and healing vibes 
.
Day 265.
Doing okay. Number one goal is to rest and accept the loving care of my parents. In pain but managing it with heat, ice, and non-opiod pain meds. I took a half tab of oxy before lunch because I was really struggling. I still have that pressure and pain, but it’s bearable. All I can say right now, I’m sleepy. Love yall