Reese's Check-ins

Day 21.

My dreams last night were actually somewhat normal. Not good dreams, but not horrifying nightmares, so I’ll count that as a huge win.

Plan for today: work, finishing up January finances, washing dishes, yoga, tarot, sleep. The weather here is super gross today and that usually affects my mood, so I’m trying to be gentle to myself. Even though I’m about 3 weeks into sobriety, I’m reminding myself that it’s still considered early recovery, and not to do too much too fast or pressure myself. One day at a time. I can do today.

4 Likes

Good job Reese… 3 weeks! Whatever you doing now works!!! So keep doing it! Such a pleasure to watch your progress! xxx

1 Like

Great work friend. 3 weeks :clap:t4::clap:t4:. Glad you are being patient with yourself and taking it ODAAT :muscle:t4:
giphy

1 Like

Day 22.

It’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Had really bad PTSD flashbacks that kept me from sleeping. Went through all of my self soothing tools with no luck. Where I nornally would have smoked to just knock me out, I called up my best friend and she helped ground me and reassure me that I am safe. I started the call crying and ended it laughing, and then was able to get some rest.

Called out of work because I knew that I needed to put my own care first and foremost today. My boss was very understanding and insisted that I get some rest. Ended up sleeping most of the day.

Had to tell another friend of mine that I wouldn’t be able to attend her party tonight, even though I know she really wanted me to come and kept trying to offer solutions. But there will be drinking and smoking, and I don’t trust myself to not relapse if I went. I’m not yet ready to tell that particular friend that I’m in recovery, so I just said I’m not able to go. I could tell she was a little disappointed, but I need to protect my sobriety and make sure it is #1 in my life.

Plan for the rest of the day: TAKE. IT. EASY. Going to thaw out some comfort food (pumpkin chili) for dinner so that I don’t have to cook and it will be nourishing. Staying inside and staying cozy. Might take a soak in the tub, or at least a hot shower. Journaling and reading. Scrolling through TS. Playing some easy and comforting video games. Resting, resting, resting.

5 Likes

I am so grateful that you were able to chat with a friend and it helped you get grounded :hugs:

Also love that you spent today protecting your sobriety by staying home to practice self-care, not go to the party where you knew you would be triggered and are continuing to stack up the days.

Hope you have a wonderful day friend. Keep up the great work :muscle:

2 Likes

Keep up the great work. You posting here I am sure helps to keep you sober on your journey. I am glad you are here.,

1 Like

Day 23.

It’s snowing here. Slept in pretty late. Nightmares were awful. My body feels so heavy. Very glad that I have therapy tomorrow. I feel pretty empty and vaguely sad. Trying to remind myself to be kind and gentle to myself. I’m just so tired, physically and emotionally.

Plan for today: online yoga class, laundry, tidying up the home depending on my energy levels. I’ll need to make a grocery store run a little later. ODAAT.

6 Likes

Day 24.

Pretty wild to me that I’ve made it this far without smoking. I’m hesitant to say it’s getting easier, but the daily cravings have lessened considerably.

Plan for today: THERAPY!!! I need it desperately so that will be great. Cleaning around the home and not beating myself up if I don’t get everything done. Cooking, yoga, Tarot reading. I’d like to go to the library depending on how much the snow affects public transit here.

Biggest plan for today: going to bed sober no matter what.

7 Likes

Therapy went well. We covered some serious bombshells, so I felt pretty fragile for the rest of the day. Normally after such a session, I would smoke and take a long nap, mostly to avoid consciously processing anything. Can’t do that anymore–won’t do that anymore. Instead I went to the public library, which was a nice way to get out of my own head for a couple hours. Absolutely no energy left for cooking, so I took myself out for dinner and drank NA ginger beer while finishing up a book. Home now, just going to relax the rest of the evening. Shower, yoga, tarot, sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.

7 Likes

You are doing great in finding new and healthy ways to cope through stressful and emotional situations. Be proud of yourself for not using weed as a crutch.

This is best plan for any day and a HUGE accomplishment :muscle:t4:. Keep up the great work :hugs:

3 Likes

Day 25.

Woke up in a lot of pain. Really, really don’t want to go to work today but also I need money lol. Despite all that, I’m in a surprisingly good mood. That may or may not change depending on how my pain does throughout the day. Staying sober through it no matter what. It’s crazy to think that I’m almost a month without weed.

Plan for today: coffee first and foremost, gentle yoga to try and relieve some of this pain, picking up some books on hold, work, laundry, reading, shower, yoga, tarot, sleep. Also gotta pace myself depending on my pain levels throughout the day–don’t wanna burn out too quickly.

Overall feeling surprisingly optimistic. Hoping that won’t change drastically later haha.

4 Likes

I love this! Hope your pain subsided

Great work on continuing to protect your sobriety :muscle:t4:

Having a really tough time right now. Still struggling with my own pain, but one of my favorite patients has very suddenly taken a turn for the worse and is now actively dying. The worst thing is that we won’t receive her pain medication until late tonight. I’ve been running around on a bad leg trying to speed up the process with sadly little to show for it. I feel bad, but also know that I’m doing the best I can with what I got. I’m bummed because she’s such a sweet woman and has called me her favorite nurse ever :frowning: I hate watching my patients suffer.

Trying to pull myself together. The weed demon is whispering in my ear to “just unwind and relax” after work and it’s soooo hard to argue with that, but I cannot and will not compromise my sobriety. Ugh. Just needing some encouragement and kindness and strength right now. I feel like I’m on a razor’s edge right now.

6 Likes

Sending hugs and loads of strength. I’m so sorry to hear about your patient. Also sorry that your pain did not get any easier for you. I do know she’s aware of all that you are doing for her.

You do not need weed! You do need to relax and hopefully will be able to do so with your nightly ritual after work.
Keep pushing my friend…you are doing great with you sobriety and you know that weed is not the answer :people_hugging::people_hugging::pray:t4::muscle:t4:

2 Likes

Thank you. I know you’re right, and my previous relapses have taught me that if anything, getting high will only do harm. I’ll be honest, I’m in a bad place right now. Crying in the bathroom at work because I just feel so overwhelmed and my leg hurts so fucking bad. I just want to go to sleep and never have to wake up or deal with anything again. I know that sounds suicidal, and I’m not going to do anything. But fuck, it is really hard to exist right now. I feel like I’m just white-knuckling life and holding onto my sobriety with an iron grip. Idk, I’m rambling now. Just really struggling.

5 Likes

Sending a giant hug your way. Cry it out.

3 Likes

I made it home. I’m emotionally exhausted and my foot is killing me. I’m so tired. But I’m sober, and going to fall asleep sober, so at least I have that going for me. Definitely going to take a hot shower and cry some more. Whip up some food, yoga, tarot, bed. Trying to remind myself that tomorrow is a new day.

4 Likes

I am grateful that you shared and that you made it home safely. So very sorry for how much you are struggling.
I do know we get these moments and I the desire to just sleep them away. Sending love and hugs your way. It will get better my friend. Do keep pushing forward :muscle:t4:. Crying is so freeing. Do let it out.

I am grateful that you came here to vent and share. We are here for you and wishing you a better day ahead :people_hugging::heart:

2 Likes

So my day/night only got worse since I last posted. I am not in acute crisis where I’m a danger to myself or others, nor have I relapsed. But was definitely in a crisis.

Basically, I’m working through some deep-seated childhood trauma (which I think I’ve basically been self-medicating with my addiction all this time, and now that I’ve been sober for a while it’s like my psyche realizes that I’m in a state where I can start to process things). It also means that I’m stressed and overwhelmed to the max, to the point where I am being physically affected. I was truly at my limit tonight and even looked into inpatient psych facilities.

Needless to say, I’m dealing with this sober for the first time, and I can’t do it alone. I also can’t heal other people while I’m trying to heal my own very deep wounds. I’m taking an extended leave off of work (may have to go on short-term disability but I’ll figure out logistics tomorrow or Thursday), called up a crisis hotline, then called up one of my sisters until I calmed down. I also emailed my therapist to get me in ASAP since I don’t think I should wait for 2 weeks at this time.

Feeling exhausted, and kind of feeling like I “lost” or I’m weak, but I cannot do this alone, and I cannot keep medicating myself with my addiction. It’s time for me to heal, and it’s going to be so, so hard. And I’m going to do it, no matter what.

Deep breaths. Going to put on something relaxing and mindless to watch until I fall asleep. Going to sleep in tomorrow. And figure things out minute by minute if I need to. Thanks for listening to my rambles.

4 Likes

So grateful that you did not harm yourself/ others or succumb to the cravings. Feeling all the feels and dealing with past trauma is a part of sobriety and can be an intense road to recovery. Grateful that you know not to do it alone and are taking healthy steps to help yourself through this.
I do hope that you managed to get some sleep. We are here for you friend. Sending love and good vibes your way :people_hugging::heart:

1 Like