hi everyone i relapsed a week away from 90 days which totally pissed me off. im after some advice so it doesnt happen again…
my friend came to visit from the other side of the country. i was all good until the day before and anxiety and doubt set in. it got louder and louder leading up till the airport pickup and after our lunch of me watching people drink i gave in. the noise in my head was too loud and i wasnt present in the moment because i had a monumental mental battle going on in my head. id told my friend i wasnt drinking but in the end gave in to temptation.
how can i stay strong when the anxiety is so strong. when the situation creates so much strong noise in my head. any help would be appreciated. thanks…
ive now reset my clock and im back to 4 days…
The 90 day mark is a common relapse point. Not sure why, but it just is. It seems like milestones tend to trigger people. It seems like you understand what went wrong so my best advice is just avoid that situation. Also pick up the phone and call another drunk before you drink.
I think you’re doing great. You messed up but it doesn’t negate the 83 or so days that you didn’t drink. I think maybe you could try to find a hobby or something to do when the noise it at its loudest. Maybe go hit the gym? That’s one thing I started doing when cravings or thoughts of using entered my head.
Thank you for posting this, it is exactly what I needed to hear- first off, don’t be angry with yourself, this shit is tricky! Today I am exactly one week away from 90 days and I’ve been here before and did pretty much exactly what you did- let my old habits come back when certain people come around cuz it seemed easier and more fun/let my mind race right over me. For me, it culminated in another year of tedious drunkenness and benders and burnouts. You’re determined, you reset your clock and said no more. Sorry I don’t have advice, but just wanna say your post inspired me to keep on the right track and be aware of this 3 month mark once again! Thank you!
thats awesome:) thanks for letting me know! im just trying to be mindful and remember how it happened so i can see thw red flags next time and not beat myself up tol much. best of luck getting to that 90
Don’t go around people places and things… you are not more powerful then alcohol. Stay away from it completely… if I went to a dope house and was watching people sniff dope …i would do dope but that’s why I don’t do shit like that. Make the changes if you really want to be sober
Damn.
Well, the openness is a huge plus. And it sounds like you have some in-thr-flesh sober friends. It works both ways – our sharing helps us and the addicts we share with. And when they do the same, effect happen s for both parties again✊🏼
so do i completly avoid any establishment people or places who drink alcohol in a society that condones alcohol use? i wouldn’t leave the house. thanks for your reply but i dont agree with u
Being a permanent shut-in isn’t a practical solution. However I think you would agree that you tried to run, before you’d mastered crawling. The only way to get better is to acknowledge this, and work on this area of vulnerability.
It took many quits, relapses, frustration, and disappointment before sobriety stuck for me. One of the big break-through for me was to accept that I could never drink again. “Maybe” left the door open a crack, and even though I had 7, 10, 30 days the possibility of drinking again was always there like a high hanging curve ball, just begging for me to take a swing. “Maybe” I’ll have just one. “Maybe” I can stop at two or three. “Maybe” I’ll be able to get back on the wagon, if I just get this one drunk done with.
When I eliminated “maybe” as an option and excepted “never again”, I was free. The finality of it was a relief. I didn’t feel like I’d lost anything. I felt like I’d finally gained everything. I made the decision to be strong, and then set about being strong. All in, forever.
I think that moment is in front of you. If you keep pressing toward it, and reach it, all of the disappointment and frustration will be worth it. You will realize that like lifting weights, each repetition made you stronger.
You can do this. Every day, getting better, at getting better.
Avoiding people places and things associated with alcohol until you are in a better sober head space is highly advised.
Eventually when living in recovery, provided you have a valid reason for doing so and your intentions are good, you’ll be able to go anywhere you like.
Just focus on yourself and getting better for a while.
So I’ve been sober 204 days. I went to the bar once (TGI Fridays) to watch a game with a friend in the program. Other than that I have not really been around any type of booze and I spend the majority of my day away from my house. There’s a great big world out there that I never knew existed, and none of it revolves around alcohol. Typically when something controls our life we tend to seek it out in our day to day routine. When I was drinking my life outside the house was centered on drinking activities. Now that I’m in recovery that’s pretty much all I see when I’m out. I could have drank just as easily staying inside so never leaving the house wouldn’t change anything.
You may want to at least consider the suggestions of others rather than tell them they are wrong. Old timers will tell you that you have to change everything but your name when you are trying to get sober. People places and things are huge things to an alcoholic. If we don’t change them how can we expect anything else to change?
If you want to come sit in bars, go to parties, and hang out with people who drink that’s fine. Just don’t be surprised when you keep drinking too. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
thanks guys id been in bars resteraunts and houses with drinking before this in my 90 days and throughout my life trying to stop previously. it was the situation of my friend visiting from far away on my bday that got me in the end. i wasnt saying someone was wrong i said i didnt agree with him as its my opionion from my experience. im thankful for everyone’s input. and will definitely be taking this all into account
I can see that you definately caved on the celebration aspect and drove urself to the devils play ground. Maybe trying other activities outside of a bar would help u past things like these. Fishing, shopping, car dragways there is always something going on. Just be more open to things. Your doing the right thing by accepting the relapse and getting back to sober life right after the incident. We live and we learn everyday…
Relapse happens so try not to be to hard on yourself. I’m only 69 days sober but feel really strong about being able to go out and be around others while they drink. I live my life by hoping for the best but planning for the worst because you never know when the worst can happen. So when I do go out and I know alcohol will be around I either take another sober person with me or have a couple of numbers ready to call. I even give them a heads up that I might need to call or text to help make it through. And you know what? Not once did anyone decline my request. Now I haven’t had a need to call or text but just the thought of having someone there in case is amazing. It also helps keep me strong while I’m out. So my advice to you is don’t stop living your life just have a plan if things go south. It never hurts to have a plan in my opinion.
Alcohol is everywhere. I feel like pretending it doesn’t exist isn’t going to help the situation. I think you should just try to stay focused on your goal and like someone said call someone who has been in your situation before, someone who will help you through it. We have all been there. It’s really hard to say no in situations like that. Try focusing on the consequences. Always remember the way you felt when you decided to change your life and how you feel now that you gave in to temptation. I’m happy that you’re back on track! You can fo this! Just a small bump in your road to recovery.((:
I’m taking my first excursion into a bar tonight with people not in the program (even though some AA friends will probably show up) to sing karaoke. The people I’m going with know I don’t drink and if I feel even the slightest bit squirrelly I’m the fuck up outta there. Karaoke is fun, but it ain’t worth drinking over. In my first 90 days there’s no way I would have attempted this. There’s also a meeting exactly 1 mile away from where I’m going to be and I will go directly there.
i agree with u ninja:) thanks for the tips ill be trying that out next time. i try not to hide as i believe in still trying to live the life i always have. seeing live music and lunches with friends.
