Today Iearned from video that a relapse isn’t what we think it to be.
We tend to think that a relapse is the moment from when we drink or pick up to the moment we decide to quit, and while this is an outcome of relapse, it is not necessarily relapse itself.
Relapse is the deteriation of progress. We may make progress for many days, weeks, months or years but there will be times where we feel our progress is deteriorating. This is the moment of relapse. It can happen quickly, such as during a significant life event, or slowly over several days or weeks such as depression or fealings of unfulfillment.
It is how we navigate this period of deterioration that determines our outcome. During a relapse, were are at a crossroad, we can go left and deal with the relapse in a healthy way, or we can go right and pick up that bottle and deteriate even further. Or if you prefer, just stay at the crossroad and choose not to do anything, I suppose you could do that too, I think the term for that is “Dry Drunk”.
Thinking back my last relapse that ended in drinking, it wasn’t my buddy’s text asking if I wanted to drink caused the relapse, it was the problems with my wife during that week that was the relapse, the invitation to drink was just the excuse and justification to deteriate my progress further.
I think it’s important to understand what a relapse is and how it works so that we can recognize the warning signs so that we are prepared to take the proper path.
I know that there’s been some debate of whether or not relapse is a part of recovery and by this definition, it is, because we all will go through periods of deterioration of progress, it’s how we learn to handle life without alcohol or drugs. It’s how we deal with these periods that is key.
I’ll second that. Sometimes the best we can do is to not pick up a drink on some days. Hell some days I don’t even want to think about recovery, let alone work on it. I don’t consider that a relapse. My program is only as strong as my willingness. A relapse is finalized when I pick up that first one. But it takes a series of bad decisions to get there
Relapse - Prelapse; tomayto, tomahto. Your right, it is subjective. The take away I got was that drinking/picking up is the effect of a relapse not the cause, and by fixing the direct effect does not mean the root cause if solved.
Take my last relapse for example. I could have blocked my friends number and asked him not to encourage me to drink in the future, but that doesn’t help the underlying cause of my desire to drink at that time, which was my relationship issues.
I’m not trying to convince anyone to redefine their meaning of relapse, but rather propose a different way to think about what leads up to it.
I’m probably not doing the video justice, I am summarizing a complex issue.
Thanks! I really like the definition of “relapse as lack of progress”. That sense of being stuck captures my state of mind right now with my weight loss goal.
I’m a little confused. Does this mean that just thinking about drinking means I’ve relapsed or do I still need to actually drink for it to officially be the relapse but that it started before the drink.
I mean, I agree that it isn’t just the consumption that equals relapse because it is so complicated…but if just thinking about it is relapse then I’m depressed…I’ll never NOT be relapsing.
Maybe that does make me a dry drunk for now but at least I’m dry…
Random thoughts are going to happen. I read it more as a productive vs. non productive state of mind or a state of working towards a goal vs. self fulfilling defeat. Letting choices go unthought through and (almost) unnoticed except to our inner planner who does take note.
Don’t worry about a few thoughts here and there but keep your eyes out for patterns.
I needed this thread right at this exact moment. I’m out shopping for the weekend and getting errands done. At the grocery store I normally go to, they don’t sell wine in small boxes (=3 glasses). I don’t want to buy a bottle ever again, it is too much. But the small box, my alcoholic brain tries to justify. There is a store across the street that sella the small boxes. I am sitting in the parking lot of that store, trying to think of something I need to get there as an excuse to get into the store, and oh, whoops, here are those littlw wine boxes. I immediately got on here and this thread popped up. I am going to sit here and identify this feeling and behavior I am having right now as pre-relapse. I am in the planning stage. The justification stage comes next, what will it hurt? It’s my vacation, no one is home, it is only a little bit… tugging at these thoughts are the memories of drinking a little and feeling tired and crabby.
I needed to read this thread and get my mind back on track. Progress, not regress. Thank you!
Don’t do it! Go for a walk or go to another store that does not have alcohol.
I noticed that I would drink more when I was alone or my husband out of town. No one there to judge me. Drinking as much as I wanted! It was dumb.
But then the hangover the next day made me feel like a complete pathetic loser. Also once that behavior sent me to the hospital.
So don’t do it. The little box won’t be enough. Then you will want more. Not worth it.
About sums this up. I can see all sides of the discussion, and in short I say…whatever keeps you sober. Twist it, turn it, read it backwards. Just stay “dry”. It’s your toolbox, put the tools in the way they will help you the most.
