Relapse in sex addiction


#1

I’ve been clean and sober from drugs and alcohol 3 years now, but since entering recovery I’ve struggled continuously with my sex addiction. I managed to string together 4 months of time free from those behaviors, but this last month has been a rapid spiral downwards.
I went nuts. I got a tinder and met with every individual that would meet with me. I’ve stopped sleeping at home, missed meetings etc. One individual in particular has been directly effected by my frivolous behavior. I’ve hit another bottom. I’m in full withdrawal mode. I’ve no idea how to go about seeking help with this, if I open up about my high risk behaviors I’m not sure what will be thought of me.
Today is day one. All negative contacts blocked. Tinder deleted. Just needed to put this out there.


#2

I’d share it on meetings. It’s probably the best place to do it since most people don’t judge you for your past or what you’ve done. Congrats on the clean time of narcotics though!


#3

I’d suggest meetings as well. And get a sponsor. Someone to hold you accountable. Pour your extra time into the threads. Talk to us. Work the steps of your program. The recovery of sex addicts like us has to be a conscious decision hour by hour, minute by minute. Everything around us is a potential trigger.


#4

Hi Chey, this should be a lot like conquering those other addiction. I am a sex/lust addict. I go to meetings weekly. I have a sponsor. I’m working the steps.

Walking into an SA meeting for the first time is scary. Everyone thinks they will be rejected and cast out for being somehow worse than everyone else there. Doesn’t happen. I found nothing but love and support from the people at meetings.

Blocking those contacts and deleting tinder was an awesome first step, now take the next one.


#5

I don’t struggle with this particular addiction (mine is alcohol). Have to agree with the wisdom of perhaps sharing the behavioral particulars in meetings, and maybe stick to seeking general support here for dealing with the pressures that tend to trigger you.

I will say, if you’ve overcome drugs and alcohol, you have the self-discipline within you to conquer this one too. Every day, get better at getting better.


#6

Thank you all for the advice! Will bring it up at my home group tonight and seek out some extra help.


#8

Sorry, but I have to disagree with you here. I happen to have the same addiction as @Chey. Research is clear that unrestrained sexual behavior is not only unhealthy for you, but it actually damages parts of your brain. You cannot play with fire without getting burnt.

Let’s use history as an example, look at the most sexually depraved societies and see what happened to them. Rome fell because they spread themselves too thin. At the heart of that was that the common man of the empire married much later and had children very late, because they would rather have lived a raucous lifestyle enjoying orgies, bloodshot and gluttony. Rome didnt have the internal population to supply it’s own armies as a result of its low birth rates. They ended up recruiting gladiators, criminals, barbarians, mercenaries, and the people of their conquered nations. It became to much to sustain and they imploded from within.

“No one man, however brilliant or well-informed, can come in one lifetime to such fullness of understanding as to safely judge and dismiss the customs or institutions of his society, for these are the wisdom of generations after centuries of experiment in the laboratory of history. A youth boiling with hormones will wonder why he should not give full freedom to his sexual desires; and if he is unchecked by custom, morals, or laws, he may ruin his life before he matures sufficiently to understand that sex is a river of fire that must be banked and cooled by a hundred restraints if it is not to consume in chaos both the individual and the group.” -Will and Ariel Durant, The Lessons of History (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1968), pp. 35–36

Sex is not a sport or a toy. It’s an expression of love and a God given ritual for creation. It should be treated as something special. Not something to be thrown around.


#9

I would not follow that advice. Meetings are important. You can’t beat this addiction by white knuckling it. You’d just be holding on until you relapse. Something else needs to be done.


#11

You sound a bit like a dude that got himself booted a couple of times. Hate to see that happen to you. It’s ok to disagree, just try not to be disagreeable.


#12

Okay, you quote these studies. Plus, look at who is telling someone to “go ahead and have sex, there’s nothing wrong with it. Your addiction is all in your head.” Honestly. If you can’t relate, dont even try.


#14

Roll’em! Roll’em!


#15

Yeah, pretty sure @Yoda-Stevie has never tried to convince anyone that they need to listen to his point of view. Hes just a voice of wisdom. You’re a troll.


#16

I’m still gonna go to my meetings and seek help. Thx.


#17

So, we have a 22 year old recovering drug and alcohol addict with a whole 2 weeks on this forum, trying to convince a sex-addict that because sex is a normal part of life, just go for it. Don’t bother with meetings or programs where one can get support and lessen the urge to engage in risky behaviors, or try to get to the root of things. Well hell, we can all just go home. The doctor is in.


#18

That is wise. I wish you well.


#19

:rofl::rofl::rofl: this dude is legit! I need to drink whatever koolaid he’s handing out!


#20

Covered in awesome-sauce he is.


#21

Hi there. I understand you have your own views, however please be respectful of other people’s chosen recovery paths rather than telling people what not to do, this might deter or prevent someone who is thinking about seeking help from actually seeking it. Often people find support and help within groups and it is the very thing that helps them to positively change their lives.


#22

You’re smart. You know what’s best deep down. Support is important. Going it alone is asking for relapse.


#23

Amen Sober Joe. Let’s be supportive.