I’ve always heard that relapse is part of the recovery. And I get it, I guess. But always hearing that, I’ve always kinda had this little tumbling thought rolling around the back of my thoughts that I get a drink pass sometime throughout being sober. That it’s “part of recovery”. Ugh! I was 332 days sober then messed it up. That was about a month or so ago and I didn’t skip a beat! I went straight back to EXACTLY how I use to drink. No baby steps, or rules, or limits, just BAM! Got the feeling of that first buzz and blackout city soon followed. I don’t like that I had thoughts of a possible relapse coming. I gotta ground myself and get off this crazy whirlwind again. It took me years to finally quit for more than a week, then having 332 days sober? After knowing how hard it was to get into the sober lifestyle? And I just mess it up? My brain is an asshole!!! For real! But, back at it and moving forward this time without the promise of a relapse. Quitting drinking is hands down the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do
Changing people, places and things is beneficial to recovery. But the biggest thing you have to change in sobriety is the common denominator in your using, you. Your thoughts, feelings and actions. Did you breathe them into existence by getting them out of your head? Was it an internal struggle back and forth in your head? An addict/alcoholic alone in their head is like being a lone in a bad neighborhood.
Relapse doesn’t have to be a part of the process, I don’t like the saying much myself.
Welcome back to the sober team, let’s share the ball and win. Sobriety is a team sport, gotta have folks carry you when you’re low, gotta do some carrying yourself when others are low.
It’s great to read such assuring comment like this about Team Sober and helping each other.
To be honest this worries me at the moment because I lost many real friends when I was drinking and the few ones I have left do enjoy the sauce.
I don’t think that I should spend time with them because it would be a matter of time when I would reach for a drink but I don’t want to loose those few friends that I have.
Thank you for that I’m definitely in a time of vulnerability, embarrassment, and regret and sure do need a little help right now. My favorite place to drink is home, alone. I swear that’s the worst place to drink because it’s not like I can avoid being home. I know I need to rewire my thoughts and get into some hobbies to stay busy.
Maybe try a meeting might help get phone numbers and make new sober friends , that will be your back up when you feel like a drink its easier with support wish you well,
At the end of my drinking I was isolating to the house. I blew off all the family functions, never went out to see friends… hell I hardly made it work.
My best drinking buddy was my wife, and when we drank we were the worst to each other.
Alcohol wants you alone, scared and anxious. Build the sober support. AA is a great place to meet sober people who do sober things and enjoy sober lives. We aren’t alone. This community proves it.
Thank you I’m really glad I got this whole relapse thing out the way, I know what it feels like and… nope. Don’t like it.
I recently ordered a book that has been recommended a lot on here. This Naked Mind. I’m gonna see what that’s all about and maybe shed some light into my crazy brain.
You know, I never really liked that saying either. Relapse does not have to be a part of recovery. Like you mentioned…Its almost gives some folks trying to get sober, a free pass, a reservation to drink again. The only “Freebies we get are in our dreams”. Haha. Those are nightmares for me though. People die during relapse binge. Especially being sober for awhile then quickly going back to the amounts we left off on. Unfortunately, I have had many relapses in my story I’m not proud about. Lucky to be alive. I’m a blackout drinker too. There is not controlled drinking or responsible drinking for me. That is only a tease. I’m happy you got sober again. Same for me. No need for us to romanticize alcohol anymore. We did that life. Maybe had our fun. Survived it too. Lets try this other sober life for the rest of our days and see what its all about. Thank you for sharing a little about your story with us.
I don’t normally read relapse posts because honestly they scare me. I’ve been through 3 or 4 now in my 10+ year drinking career and lost a lot along the way (spouse, friends, family)
That said, what you shared here has actually encouraged me. Thank you for having the courage and humility to post!
I say to hell with the notion that relapse has to be “part of recovery”. I reject the idea that it’s baked-in. We don’t have to be naive in thinking “It can’t happen to me” but we don’t have to accept defeat before we begin, either - do we?
You haven’t failed because you are sober TODAY - so keep going! Wishing you peace in this challenging time.
Couldn’t agree more. I allowed myself to relapse by deciding it was “part of my recovery.” While it definitely was and could be again, I’d prefer if it weren’t! I’m a blackout drinker too. That story always ends the same way for me. So time to try a different story.
Agreed - drinking at home is akin to working from home… you can seem never leave that environment, so a fundamental change shift in thinking is imperative.
I’m so glad you posted this! I’ve heard so many people around me, the most encouraging people in my life, tell me that they are proud of me but wouldn’t be mad at me if I relapsed. It’s a reason I went the IOP path instead of the meeting path. That’s not to say that relapse wasn’t a part of IOP, but the one I went to frowned on it a bit more than meetings. That’s what I needed. My brain will take any excuse the world gives me. I was just replying to another post in another thread about how at this point relapse is all on me, about how I deal with triggers and difficult life circumstances. I’ve held myself to insanely high standards as far as simply not drinking or using is concerned and it has worked.
At 421 days I’m once again considering going to meetings. I have a great system in place to basically cut my days into small chunks so when a trigger or urge comes up I can just “start my day over” when necessary. I know I’ve missed out on a ton of support and friendships by not going to meetings. I couldn’t handle the regularity of relapse before, I couldn’t see the positives beyond that “expectation.” That’s all on me, but it’s kept me sober for this long. I’m a different, stronger person now. At this point a relapse would be completely on me failing to use the tools I’ve cultivated. Without the recovery center I go to I could not have become this amazing person. Life never stops changing and I’m more and more equipped everyday!
Im very sorry you’ve had this setback but I certainly thank you for your strength and bravery. You may have to start again on the numbers but You haven’t lost all you’ve built and learned.
That’s a great book. I read it cover to cover and sometimes when I am struggling with an issue, i flip to that chapter. Granted, not all her “science” is actually valid, but it’s good enough.
Yea, Relapse is not a Get Out Of Jail Free card. I think it is said that it is part of recovery because we all falter sometimes and give in, and we don’t want to feel like failures if it happens. But the second you relapse on purpose because you are justifying it as part of recovery, That is alcohol and addiction talking. Addiction will tell you anything and make you think it was your idea. Relapse can and does happen constantly. It’s doing our best to avoid it, not letting it happen cuz it’s “part of the process”. I’ve fallen into that trap hundreds of times. It’s only recently have I realized that’s not Me justifying it, it’s Addiction.
Dust off and get back on the trail with us! Your horse may have bucked you and now you’re straggling back a ways, but you can and will catch up. And remember, there will always be someone else’s horse behind you struggling as well.
Relapse was a prelude to my recovery, but isn’t part of my recovery. A relapse would be an interruption in the process, a marked reversal in my progress.
I will never drink again, because I don’t want to drink again. I closed the door on “maybe” or “someday”. I consider alcoholism as a terminal illness, and I have complete control over my remission.
I’m pretty excited to read it, I made thru chapter one last night and hopefully get thru another tonight. Reading is always something I do sober, so it’s a good tool to have under the belt. Kinda hard to read if your eyes are crossing, then end up forgetting everything you read anyways. Then trying to remember where the hell you put the book the next day
I’m definitely in a time of vulnerability, embarrassment, and regret and sure do need a little help right now. My favorite place to drink is home, alone. I swear that’s the worst place to drink because it’s not like I can avoid being home. I know I need to rewire my thoughts and get into some hobbies to stay busy.
I’m really glad I got this whole relapse thing out the way, I know what it feels like and… nope. Don’t like it.
