Being sober is hard but I wnt sobriety. I relapsed infinitely times but I have something inside telling me again and again : don’t give up!!!
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Kick those thoughts to the curb. I did the same stupid thing… “oh, I’ll just test one drink and see what happens”. It was like being on a jet full speed ahead!!! Day after day after day. Right back into the vicious cycle of waking up every morning swearing that last night was the absolute LAST day of drinking… then I’d start to feel better throughout the day, then I’d think of having a drink and get a little bounce in my step. Blackout, throw up everywhere, pass out, wake up crying… repeat.
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This was what I needed today! That cycle is awful. Its like no matter how much I know I shouldn’t, I still want to. Its insane. I want to be sane and take care of myself so much, so thanks for the strength!
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When I’m having the arguments in my head, where i try to convince myself that I can test the waters again I go back to the beginning stages of sobriety and repeat… " just get thru today, just get thru today, wake up happy tomorrow, just get thru today, just get thru today"
Because there’s never one day of my life where I woke up and said “YES!!! Thank GOD I drank last night!!! I had a blast!!!”
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The author of this Naked Mind does podcasts and videos too… you might want to check them out.
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So happy to see you back here! I am sorry about your relapse, though. 
I recently thought about ordering a drink at dinner. Just because. It’s been a year and a half. Why not?
Because I know why not. I re-play my last bender through my memory at least a few times a week. I refuse to forget why I quit.
Just gotta get up and put one foot in front of the other. 
It’s awesome that you realized you needed to quit again. I also relapsed and it took a couple years to make it back to the land of the living. I was worse than I ever was.
You got this!
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