I relapsed again I don’t really see a point in trying to stay self harm clean it seems nothing really helps anymore i dont know I’m not even upset I littlerly had no reason to do it but I did what’s wrong with me
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Hi @Social_suicide sorry to hear you are having a tough time… Not a self harmer so not sure I have any great advice… but from people I know it’s as strong an addiction as anything else…have you got any support, anyone to talk to? I struggle with alcohol and when first sober I used distraction techniques…read, walk, watch a film anything until that urge passes… take care 
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What have you already tried to keep from harming yourself? What were you doing when you decided to self harm this time?
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As far as the point in staying self harm clean, there’s a number of reasons, and it might be helpful for you to brainstorm on this and consider what is most meaningful to you. For me, some reasons to stay self harm clean include, in no particular order:
- I stay clean from self harm to keep intact something of incomprehensible value, a human being.
- I stay clean from self harm so that I can be able to show respect and love to myself.
- I stay clean from self harm to find better ways of coping.
- I stay clean from self harm so that the negativity in my life does not hold power over me.
- I stay clean from self harm because I and others want to see me in control over my life, and part of that is gaining control over self harm.
- I stay clean from self harm so that I don’t have to be hospitalized again.
- I stay clean from self harm because I’m likely going to be in this body for decades into the future, and I want it in the best state for the days where I do care about the scars.
- I stay clean from self harm because I hate being powerless to escape harm coming my way, but in this I do have the power to escape harm.
- I stay clean from self harm because self harm has not improved a single thing in my life.
- I stay clean from self harm because it can get worse or it can get better, I’ve seen where worse goes and I choose better.
I’d really encourage you next time you get the urge, to talk to someone first (here or IRL or anywhere) and talk about what you’re feeling. Just see how it feels to make that interruption in the thought process. See how rewarding it is to maybe stop it from happening. When you let the urge blow on past you without crumbling, the urge loses power and you gain it. When you give in, you let it take it all get taken out of you.
I know the struggle to care about getting better at all. That was a major theme in my self harm. I needed to both care about getting better and start doing work on my recovery to get a handle on it. My recovery has included, and still does include, CBT, mindfulness, and especially therapy and DBT. Don’t know what yours will look like. Anyways, as far as caring about getting better, there was one especially big kick in the butt that got me going in the right direction. Maybe take it as gently as you do seriously, because it was hard for me to accept, and I would have flipped if someone shoved it in my face without any semblance of tact.
You have the power to make it stop.
It’s simple. But it took me a lot of meditating on it to milk it for what it was worth. See, my problem was that I actually did care and did want to stop, but not enough to overcome the barriers I saw (or sometimes imagined) that were in the way. I was wired by things in my past (and mental health status) to believe that once again I was going to be battered about by life with no say, and this was no exception. But it’s not true.
You have the power to make it stop.
It’s also an incredibly uplifting thing. Don’t take the guilt from it. There’s enough negative in life, you don’t need it. Instead think about how that validates you, lifts you up. You can make things happen. You can make new things happen. You can improve your life. And it’s all there, inside you ready to go. Ignore the thoughts telling you you’ll fail. They are only thoughts, thoughts which can be defeated by action.
You have the power to make it stop.
It’s not asking for it to stop, wanting it to stop, but making it stop. Actions that you make reality add more weight behind your recovery, and make it harder to stop. Thoughts speak, but can be turned around by obstacles. The fear and expectation of failure is an obstacle, and the storm in life or in the mind is an obstacle. They’re a bluff. They can’t stop you, only keep you from trying.
I’m not going to tell you what your action should be, because though many things are common across addiction, we recover in different ways. Anyways, the first actions I started taking were
- Installed accountability into my life. When I self-harmed, I would consistently let someone know, and we would have a conversation about it. I wouldn’t get into trouble or get shamed, none of that, just awareness and involving an outside perspective in my journey.
- Started doing the stuff my doctor, psychiatrist, therapist, etc. told me to do, the ones that I was sure wouldn’t work. My deal with myself was that for me to say it doesn’t work, I had to prove it wouldn’t work. And for that to happen, I had to give it time to start working, weeks, months and more.
I hope you get something out of that, and keep resisting, keep your eyes on a better life. You’re worth it.
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i feel this so so hard… i did it today and not even for a specific reason, other than that i just wanted to. it’s such a hard addiction to quit 
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All of this! Thank you for this post. I know it was meant for another user, but i will hold these words close when i inevitably feel weak one day.
Sending 
to you. And i hope you don’t mind I’ll save this post
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Hey Beck! Welcome to TS. You responded to an older post, but rest assured that there are many here struggling with self-harm. The daily check in thread is a great way to introduce yourself and find others with similar stories. Glad you are here.
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