I almost made it to two months alcohol free and last night I relapsed. My fiance wanted to have drinks and suggested it. I wasn’t strong enough and agreed to it. I feel so horrible. Not only is the hangover awful but I feel so incredibly guilty and can’t stop crying about it. My fiance told me to stop giving myself such a hard time but I honestly can’t help it. I don’t know how to forgive myself. I know relapse is apart of recovery but I just can’t find it in myself to forgive myself. Can anyone offer any words of advice or encouragement. I just feel so depressed about the decision I made to drink last night.
I’m sorry that you relapsed and I don’t mean this to sound harsh but relapse is not or does not have to be a part of recovery, I used to think that and would use it as an excuse.
Are your actively working on your recovery by attending AA or smart recovery meetings? I used to fail consistently until I started to put as much work in to my recovery as I did in to using and gaining the means to use. I wish you well.
Maybe your fiance doesnt fully understand what not drinking means to you? If he did I cant imagine he would ever offer you a drink… time to have a heart to heart with him about what you need to do to protect yourself from temptation in early recovery until you have more power against the first drink?
Well I am sorry you drank and are feeling bad about it. One day of drinking is more of a slip in my book, than a relapse. A relapse is more you keep drinking for a period of time. That is my opinion.
As for relapse being part of recovery. You will get a lot of blow back on here saying that. Relapse may be part of your journey, that is true. Relapse doesn’t necessarily have to be part of recovery however. Just wanted you to know that statement can cause a bit of a stir here. Which I know was not your intent.
So…where to go from here? You were sober, you felt good. You drank, you feel bad. Choose door #1 from now on.
Also, maybe have a talk with your fiance and discuss that you are not drinking and don’t want to do cocktails or whatever anymore and would appreciate his support, not his suggesting drinks. I get it, it took my husband a bit to stop asking too. But be firm.
Also, do this for YOU and how it makes YOU feel. Sobriety is an individual choice and journey. You made a bad decision, it happens. The past is gone. Today you are sober. Stick with that and move forward from here.
Sobriety continues to get better and more rewarding the longer we go…at least it has for me.
Stay sober and regret free. And welcome!
No one likes relapses. If it ever happens to me I have to make sure that I dont let my ego from stopping me to ask for help. I relapsed at 3 months. I now just consider it part of my journey.
The fact that you feel so sad is all the proof you need to know that sobriety is what you really want. Don’t be to hard on yourself. Remember how you feel and take the first step forward to being happy. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Make a plan to stay sober today. Use this site, maybe talk to your fiance, just make it through day 1.
Since the only person mad at you, is you, you can forgive yourself. It appears the only person you are really accountable to for your drinking is you.
Have you thought about getting an accountability partner? Someone who wants more for you than you want for yourself? Someone who cares enough to tell you the truth, rather than sparing your feelings?
Do you have a Higher Power? Someone or something bigger than you and your addiction?
Ponder these things, right after you forgive yourself. Lacking an accountability partner, you came here and owned your relapse. Now decide to be better, and then work to be better. Yes, it’s difficult at first. Self-discipline is like a muscle: the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.
I’ve only been to one meeting. It was full of women in their 60’s and I really couldn’t relate to them. I haven’t been to one since but if I could find the right one I would absolutely go again. I want to do anything and everything to make sure I don’t slip up again.
I suggest Al-Anon meetings for your fiance so he can get a full understanding. He obviously doesn’t know enough about alcoholism if he’s encouraging you to drink. In the end you have to do what’s best for yourself. Be strong and come here often for support.
Look them up, you are in the US? The recovery scene over there is massive, there are literally meetings available from 6.30am up until 11pm.
We are told to keep an open mind in meetings and to look for the similarities not the differences. Whilst we are never going to find someone at a meeting who is literally a soul mate type friend if we look for the similarities and not the differences then we will find people whom we can relate to, even the sixty year old ladies. Some of my best friends at my NA meetings are in their fifties and sixties.
I’m sorry but going to one meeting and deciding it’s not for you as you couldn’t relate to some older women is not giving it a fair chance, those women will have bags of experience and wisdom that they could share with you to get and keep you sober.
This sobriety and recovery things takes at least the same amount of work that we used to put in to our using.i guess my two near fatal overdoses and the fact that I would rather have killed myself than continue living in active addiction may have made me more receptive to anyone that could help me out even a little. I didn’t mean to sound harsh, however what I said is true, give it a real go, try doing thirty meetings in thirty days as recommended and then make your mind up. What have you got to lose other than your life and liberty. Good day to you.
Dont know why you could not relate , people at meetings have the same prob drink so wether 21 or 91 they are there because they have a drink prob , hope you find the right one for you wish you well
Maybe us “older” women could offer more help or knowledge than you think. Like someone just said , it’s not fair to judge a meeting on 1 visit.
The meetings I go to are full of men and I still can relate to them. The important thing is to look for the similarities, not the differences. We all have our different stories but the pain and the hope is universal. I guarantee if you listen to their stories you will find yourself nodding along and thinking “yes, I’ve felt exactly the same way”.
Maybe try a speaker meeting instead of discussion. At a speaker meeting you’ll get a full story of one person’s journey. I love them more than sharing about my week. Just to hear how someone else got so low but pulled themselves back up with the steps is inspiring and encouraging to me.
Take it easy today and get back to it
YOU CAN DO IT!!
Get off it Donna your not, “older”!
Your profile pic is admittedly small but you don’t look much older than me.
Well I’m in her “all a bunch of 60 year old ladies” group!
Thanks for that compliment…
If I’m tbh, I’ve always been vain and hate getting old… I have loads of skin care products… 🤷
I moisturiser everynight and give my beard a oil change thats why im so young looking lol
I’ve relapsed so many times in the past. Never making it more than 2 weeks. My bf drinks every day and the other night, bc I was feeling worn out, he said he wished he could give me just 1 shot to relax but he knew I’d go crazy. I didnt want that drink. At all. Hes right. I wouldn’t be able to stop. And this time around, after over 10 years of trying, I know that about myself. Theres no cutting back. Its either drink or dont. Besides that, hes been very good at hiding his alcohol from me. Not drinking it in front of me. Make sure your man knows this as well bc I’m sure he would want what’s best for you at this time.
I havent tried a meeting yet but its definitely on my back burner for if the goings get tougher. I even have a list of every one in my area so I’m prepared when that day may come. I am on here all day everyday to the point my eyes burn at night from staring at the screen and its helped get me thru sooo so much. Keep trying. Whatever suggestions you get. Something will help you thru this. We’re all in the same boat no matter what the DOC is.
Unfortunately I can give you some help. Dump your fiance. He doesn’t care about your sobriety or well being. You guys will never work out if you want to stay sober.