I have been on again off again sober for years. I’ve done 8 months, and returned to it with a better outlook on my previous relationship with alcohol and who I reclaimed to be now. Then lightly drank here or there… nothing to the blackouts I’d done regularly before, but occasionally with dinner. Then it gently creeped back into a more socia thing, with each social outing. A very traumatic event happened and I quit cold turkey for 2 more years before I started dating someone who I trusted enough to have light drinks with. Eventually that turned into drinks with new, more responsible drinkers but now I’m realizing, after yesterday, I am the problem. I went to bed calling it my “crash out” bc adderral turned to a cocktail, turning into weed, turned into cigarettes. All in one evening.
I just need reassurance that I can quit for good. Idk why … I’m going to get a therapist or maybe a sober accountability partner I can check in with this time…. I want to quit for good, and never look back to any of those things. While I’m leaps and bounds more stable today than I was last year and definetly 10 years ago…. It doesn’t serve me now or my future and I’m SO lucky that nothing bad happened this time. Because the signs were positioned for a very brutal reality if I wasn’t cautious on my escapade last night. More careless awareness than cautious but still. I’m having flashbacks to last night and how much more worse it could have been.
