So i made it to 17 days , the longest in the last 6 months. What led me to relapse ( watching porn and masturbate) are the erotic dreams i had last night. I woke up and felt like i was possessed by 100 demons and could not think straight. I was anxious.Old inner panic hit again. I began searching for lustful material on the web as i used to do in the past. I kept taking small lust sips ( watched hot youtube videos) until evening thinking i could handle all. But it was not the case. I was triggered badly and in the night i ended up watching porn. The moment after relapse guilt and shame came back and i could not sleep at all.
I had to take medication at 4 am.
Today is Day 1 for me. I just dont know to handle those situations i described above. These are the kinds of situations that mostly take me to relapse road .
The faster you analyze the WHY, and reset
your counter with total confidence , The less likely you are going to start the doubts in achieving your purpose for being HERE!!!if I you understand my meaning…
I had a surgery today and juggled with the temptation of painkillers . Took the time to pray and actually think it thru . Took in iv there and have script of ultram haven’t filled yet. Praying I won’t need too. Amen $!!
Your words do make sense and thanks for your reply. I need to go on and move forward only
Try and narrow down the trigger that caused and steer clear in future. Start time again asa this is decided …
I pray that your path is straight and flat, dealing with the choice regarding the post-op pain. I recently made the choice to forego the prescription and use ice and OTC to treat an injury for which the doctor gave me a script for vicadin.
Kept telling myself “pain is just weakness leaving the body”.