3 weeks sober and relapsed on friday. Like a robot I went to the supermarket after work and bought 2 small white wine bottles. I didnt even think about is, it has become a routine for 10 years!
Went home and drank within one hour. Of course i wanted more…like always. Ordered another big bottle and well, that was it.
I feel so bad…i betrayed myself… why did i even bought this shit?
Anyway, i am disappointed in myself and i feel ashamed. Another lost day on hangover, at least, nothing bad happened (was staying at home)
So, lets start again … i dont want to see the 21 days of sobriety lost now…i refuse to see it that way…my journey goes on. If i just stop for another 3 weeks it is still a lot better than it was before… day by day…
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Hi friend. Three weeks is a very good start and relapses are part of the journey. I quess you are admitting the problem. When I myself admitted that I am addicted and sick I was able to leave the relapses behind of me (at least so far, 1 year and 3 months). If I drink one, I drink it all. So I can choose not to drink the first and then my sickness is in control.
It seems you have done self observation and tought about the big picture there. If you want to take the next step just be humble and honest to yourself and make the choice. Not alcohol today. One day at a time really works. I dont think that I don’t drink ever because it is heavy burden but I can easily choose not to drink today.
Have a nice day and I am sure you can achieve whatever you choose to! 
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Thank you so much for your words, i appreciate!
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I know it sounds like a cliché, but I truly believe it’s true: relapses can be part of the journey. The important thing is that today is a new day, and you have the next 24 hours ahead of you.
I’m only speaking from my own experience and point of view, and I don’t claim it’s the right approach for everyone. If it were me, I’d avoid supermarkets, liquor stores, bars, or any place that reminds you of alcohol. To stop drinking, you often have to leave behind the routines that led you to drink in the first place.
Even if it means taking a longer route, avoid those places. Try not to live on autopilot. We’re not robots—we’re people. We have to break those automatic habits because, for people with alcohol addiction, the automatic response is often to drink.
I know that means giving up some of the certainty and comfort of old routines. But it’s worth accepting that uncertainty. When you’re not running on autopilot, you’re more aware. And when you’re more aware, your guard is up. With your guard up, it’s easier to recognize risky situations and avoid them.
Don’t think about the rest of your life right now. Just focus on today. If you can make it through the next 24 hours without a drink, you’ve already taken a very important step.
Stay strong. Believe in yourself. You can do this.
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Why did you do it? Because, like me, you’re an alcoholic. You’ve trained your brain for 10 years to expect this dopamine hit from alcohol… and now your conscious is withholding it your subconscious is PISSED. It will do anything to get that dopamine hit because it is hard coded into your genes to seek it out.
How do you manage that tricky subconscious? Simple but NOT easy. Put as much time into your sobriety as you did drinking and being hungover, then take it one day at a time. I believe you can do it, I believe we all can IF we put the work in.
Don’t be ashamed, this isn’t wholly your fault, and shame has no power to improve your life long term. Be proud you’re trying to change a bad habit which took a long time to embed… it might take a long time to unwind too.
More than that, you’re not alone. We’re all in this together 
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Three weeks is pretty impressive to say the least. Glad you are here and still working on sobriety.
I disagree somewhat about saying relapses are part of the journey. I guess they are in one way of thinking about it, but be VERY mindful of that statement being used as a means to justify drinking. The point is NOT to relapse. I feel like thats a bit of a cop out. Your mind is already trying to lie to you and convince you to drink and tell you things like “its ok to relapse because everyone does and you can quit next time”.
That thinking has wasted years off my life because I was always coming back and saying ill quit next time to justify throwing the towel in when I wanted to drink.
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A lot of truth in what you say here, and I did the same.
As my sobriety began to stick, and my clean streaks got longer I did draw a distinction between LAPSE and RELAPSE. A lapse was when I stupidly put myself in a situation where I ended up drinking because I wasn’t using all the tools I should have. A Relapse was when I said “fuck it, I can always start sobriety again after this (insert excuse here)”. A lapse was a blip in the upward trend of sobriety. A relapse destroyed the progress I had made and left me as bad or worse than before.
That distinction allowed me to feel proud of the progress I was making day by day and avoid the pit of shame of feeling like all the massive effort I was making was worth nothing at all. I was only able to draw that distinction once I stopped lying to myself about my drinking and accept it as a problem that I wanted to solve.
I was also initially disheartened by some of the advice I got here along the lines of “I quit one day and that was that I went to AA every day and it’s the only way” which really did not resonate.
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Thank you so much. A lot of things i needed to hear.
Thanks a lot!
Those routines are hard to break. For me I had to start going to different stores and made sure to leave my ID in the car.
Also went to Coop’s or farmers markets to get away from any temptation.
If possible go with someone to keep you accountable.
Glad you are back here and working on your sobriety. Stay hydrated today 
.
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For myself, I have to be very careful with words, because they have power. And what you are describing is simply a return to drinking after 3 weeks of abstinence. A “relapse” happens after a period of health and recovery, and with us, recovery means actively working to change our personalities. For me, this meant deep engagement in AA, for others it can be a renewal of religious commitment and participation, or a daily practice of yoga and meditation, or reading quit lit and journaling about it.
Your return to drinking, to be clear, did not start at the supermarket. It started in your head before that. And, again for clarity, you made a distinct choice to keep the wine in your cart and to drink it. The robotic part of the behavior reminds me of how strong my denial was - thoughts like “this is not me doing this” were not unusual for me.
I spent 18 years between my first attempt and my permanent sobriety. And in that time, I had one period of 9 months that started in inpatient rehab and lasted through release and a period of infatuation with AA (the “pink cloud” stage that is a common experience). At the end of that time, after not fully following the AA program, after hanging out with only one other person in AA, I did relapse - but it was definitely of my own making. I placed myself in a position (stressful conditions at work) where I was guaranteed to drink and the prophecy fulfilled itself, almost.
All the other times that I stayed dry for two days or a week or a month and then returned to drinking were just that - a small break from drinking, with little or no effort to appreciate what sobriety meant beyond simple abstinence.
If you have a routine on Fridays after work, how about these suggestions? Get another job - it’s radical but might be a consideration. Go to an AA meeting that meets on Friday immediately after work. Change the way to travel to work - maybe take public transport if available, even if it adds an hour each way. Etc, etc.
In other words, what are you willing to do to get and stay sober? What were you not doing in the three weeks before last Friday that could have helped you to grow your sobriety?
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Maybe try ameeting might help wish you well
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“In other words, what are you willing to do to get and stay sober?
*Wow, this resonates so strongly with me. I have tried, literally a thousand times or more, to quit my DOC. But, even until right this minute, I have not understood or fully appreciated what sobriety means.
All this time, I’ve been trying to quit; but I haven’t been seeking sobriety.
Thanks a million for sharing this.
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Your brain takes the drink before your hand takes it. So, one day at a time, stay away from that first sucker peg.
Cravings are like a wave—they will come and go, lasting no more than 30 minutes.
When your brain makes an excuse for one drink, change your environment. Do not go to that supermarket; go to another market where no alcohol is available, or just go home and call someone who supports your sobriety
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