Relapsed after a year of staying clean

I relapsed last night, I was doing really well and I had quit smoking, drinking and cocaine for more than a year. Last night I felt like drinking wine, then I smoked marijuana and finally called the peddler and bought a gram.

I feel disappointed in me and feel like complete crap right now. I feel like screaming on top of my voice, need some one to speak to about this. I want to get back to my good happy life. I feel my clock is reset, also I did this behind my wife’s back.

So many jumbled up emotions, feeling very low. Any one out there? Please give me a perspective. SOS.


The disappointment must suck, I relapsed after two months and it was bad enough. But, u can get right back to ur happy life starting right now. Don’t let the feeling crappy make you make one mistake into a catastrophe.


Been there too a while ago. Relapsed after 5 years sober. Tell your wife as soon as possible about your relapse. Addictions florish by secrets.
Make this a slip and get yourself back on track again. Make this your day one.
I understand your disapointment, but don’t let it take over and tell you you can go on using :pensive:
Take care! :heart:


Thank you both for responding. I really needed to speak to someone. I don’t use and drink for emotional issues, I enjoy the high. I become a different personality. Its a cycle for me always, I will drink, then smoke, smoke marijuana and then finally abuse cocaine. I don’t want this to be a fight, why can’t I just get over this. I really do enjoy being clean, I work out at my gym. I own a gym! The one day, pop goes the string! I am getting very demotivated, I thought I could do this. Someway somehow, there is this another person inside me convinces the healthy guy to give in. Its a battle :frowning:

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No need to put urself down some of us have been there and yes a shitty ass feeling but you have to keep going you slipped and how did u know it was gonna happen, or once the drink came,u should have maybe known I don’t know ur situation but one day at a time! Dont fall backwards fall forward!!!

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Hi Mike, I’m sorry to hear about your relapse and the you’re feeling like shit! I would too! :frowning:
Make your relapse known to your wife, be honest with her as you are with yourself and let no uncertainty creep into your heart and your relationship about the fact that you’ll get right back into your happy sober life. You had a whole year, this kind of serious time doesn’t just go away after a night of bullshit, I don’t think. You don’t need to go back to using, you don’t have to give up your sober life. But be aware what happens if you continue to use, if you don’t get back on track immediately. This kinda shame and misery will be your life. I’m sure you don’t want that, your message speaks loud and clear. You’ve given yourself a right scare. Learn from it and work hard on your sobriety. Very best of luck brother! :muscle::green_heart:


I subconsciously knew its going to happen after I drank and I smoked a joint, I was at home getting ready to sleep, but as always, the high is always less for me, it has to go to extreme. I made that phone call damn it, i even delete numbers of these people but somehow, when I want it, I rattle all my contacts like a mad man and make it happen. What is wrong with me?

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A year is such an accomplishment. Dont stay down too long, that you dont get back up #dirtoffyourshoulder

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Thank you. Your words meant a lot to me. I wish i did better. I will fix this.

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I’ve recent relapsed after 90+ clean days, I don’t hate my self for it, I’m disappointed in my self and disappointed the people I hold close to me, I don’t have any answers to why I’ve done it or how I led to get it, maybe I gave into the temptations to easily, I got comfortable in my own mind, all I can do is brush it off and use the tools I’ve used in the beginning to start a fresh start with a strong mindset, my d.o.c is the same as you, and it’s not a easy task hiding from it, all the best, your not alone

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I am sorry about your relapse, Flynn. I really want to be better. I am always fighting good guy vs the bad guy in me. More power to you, hope you always be on the right path.

I have a fear and I want to speak to you all about it. I know I will start on the right path again however, after 30/45 days later, there will be a temptation to give in. It starts with just a glass of wine tonight, then it cascades to a cigarette won’t do a harm, then a joint will make this pretty good and finally, this is not the high I was looking for, this should absolutely get higher - abuse cocaine. Now, this whole thing for me seems irrational and a total waste but when I am at it, I just can’t think right to resist. Any word, any advice any thing you guys could tell me?


It’s Gona be ok I get that you feel confused and fucked right off that this where it all ended up but ,you will come out of it alittle more wiser and stronger,is it possible to talk to your partner about this or is it a no go area if not keep sharing on here ,the world feels like unknown territory ATM stay safe and remember to be gentle with haven’t lost that year just remember that.xxxxx


You had a moment of unclarity. I’ve seen it happen a lot.

And add a few more stressers to one’s life such as losing a job, health issues, decreased business due to a pandemic…

Then all of a sudden, what used to work to keep us sober doesn’t quite cut it. With these challenging times, it’s important to get as much help as we need. That will be challenging this season because face to face meetings are becoming less available now.


It is good that you came here, immediately. It shows that you have a better understanding of your addiction, and how quickly it can overcome your will. Now you need a better understanding of your limitations.

You say it started with wine, which led to something else, which led to something else. All in the same night.

It actually started with the lie you told yourself: “I can have some wine, and be fine”. Now you know that you can’t allow yourself to indulge in any mind-altering substance, legal or illicit. Now you know where this particular road goes. This time it ended in a culdesac. You went in, made a loop, and are headed back to the right road. Next time, it just may end at a cliff, from which there is no coming back.

Be better. Sober is better.


Thanks for the reassurance. Can’t thank you enough for reaching out to me. I am going to discuss this with my wife but that’s another problem, we both are addicts, same problem. She has been my partner in crime, always. She has done well to stay away from cocaine.

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I get you :100::boom: having a partner that’s abstaining with you does make it that little bit harder,but on the flip side she’s going to understand more than anyone what this desiase is like it’s a cunning enemy that will fool us at any stage of soberity,the world is like unknown territory ATM so stay on your toes and be gentle with ya mind body and soul my friend reach out anytime I’m here for you

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Thanks for everything, people. Your each word meant a lot to me today.

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Mike, welcome to our virtual home! This time we find ourselves in is beyond trying and feeling things is all we can do. It’s a terrible place for addicts. So look to others for help, which is exactly what you are doing. Wise choice, my friend!

What are the tools you’ve used to get this far? Was it meetings, reading, therapy? Physical activity? Working in your community? Something else? Start with these simple questions, answer them, then we can move towards the next step.



I have channelised all my energies towards my work and lifting weights, I came a long way with my physique.

Until last year, I was doing cocaine every 15 -20 days, smoking marijuana regularly. Me and my wife decided to lead a better life, get serious. We both quit together, I did more than 365 days with out marijuana and cocaine and then I failed last night.

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