Relapsed for the first time since starting

I just relapsed for the first time since trying to get clean. Since I went to university I found myself spiralling into ketamine drug addiction, specifically ketamine. I got to the point where i was doing it every day, including when I was by myself. I decided to quit after I was on amazon about to buy hypodermics to start injecting with, realised it had gone too far and decided to get clean from it.

I got to 3 months and was really happy with myself, i had drank and smoked in this period (i am not ready to go fully sober yet, I am only 23 and find the concept of it challenging). I am about to start a new job as a student support at a music college and the anxiety and imposter syndrome I was experiencing has led to me going back to ketamine and cocaine again. Been sniffing ketamine over the last two days like nothing had changed, I kidded myself into thinking I had it under control but I need to admit thats not the case.

I feel pretty ashamed and embarrassed about giving up after being so strong, does anyone have any advice for a first time relapse? I havent deleted the days from my counter yet as I do not want to undermine what I have achieved for the first time in my adult life. I feel like I will be able to get through this and get back to where I was but I need some guidance.

5 Likes

Welcome here :blush: I agree with Stella. At first I thought, no booze would solve the whole problem of my life. It helped and also showed me that all the ways I tried to handle my life where not very healthy. My relationship to others, driven by the wish to being liked, always. These feelings were still there when I had the chance to quit. I cannot describe it in other words. I am blessed being sober. And feel the work that is still to come. Recovery is nothing that I can be done with. It is a life ‘sentence’ that I take instead of wasting time drinking or planning on how to die.

What made you pick up/use again? For me it was and still is eye-opening what causes my mind searching for salvation and numbing myself. Like: hello again.

It’s not only about the numbers. Resetting the clock is not killing anyone. Reading and sharing here is helpful for me and the time you had, you still have it. You learned from it. And no one can take that away from you.

1 Like

Knights, I’m 35-years-old bro. You’re 23-years-old and are beginning to realize that you have an addiction problem. So, the seeds are planted already. My guidance to you is to quit EVERYTHING while you’re ahead. Quit the Ketamine, Cocaine, Alcohol and Weed. If you don’t do this, especially with Alcohol, you’re going to relapse yourself into oblivion. The Guilt will mind fuck you and the vicious cycle will continue and by the time you know it, you’re in your 30’s my dude.
You need to focus on your studies instead of doing drugs. Want to keep your mind off of those substances? Keep yourself busy. Clean your room, clean your car (If you have one), start going for a run one day and then do a full body workout the next, start hanging out wiht like minded people (Trust me, they are out there). Keep coming on Talking Sober to express yourself and look for ideas.

1 Like