I was telling myself I was experimenting with my cravings and the naltrexone but I ended up drinking like crazy and snorting meth. I feel so dense. It’s been like hours since my last drink and I’m all pasty and still feeling fudged up.
I got jumped for my friends backpack and ended up hanging out with a stranger. I feel so disappointed with myself. I have not slept yet and feeling messed up still.
I don’t know what to do with myself
Relapses are sometimes the ugly part of sobriety. Learn from your relapse. You can’t experiment with anything. You can’t tap the vein a little. You can’t take a little sip. Your new life has to not just be about total abstinence, but leaving it behind forever.
I’m having trouble with giving it up, I felt so ready last year to give up the drinking life. But now I just don’t know, I’m having doubts in my choice to stay sober. Like I know I don’t want to drink but when it comes down to it I still want to drink and I know that’s the disease. It just sucks.
I know what you mean. You probably have to find another way of thinking about it then. Like, you know, focus on why you want to be sober and the benefits of that. Is a little buzz worth all the trouble it will likely cause.??..if you are just coming off everything, it’s probably best not to think about it all until you are thinking and feeling better though 
Yes, it does suck. Let’s get a bit more basic in our thinking: Do you want to be free, or do you want to remain in bondage?
As long as you question your choice to be sober, you are really saying that slavery isn’t that bad. I mean, never mind all the pain associated with being in bondage, you do get “fed”, right? You get that buzz or that high, or that numbness for a time. Who cares that it destroys your body, dominates your thoughts, and dictates to YOU what your ultimate potential and worth as a human being is, rather than you deciding for yourself.
So there’s your choices. Subjugation or self-determination. Hobbled or Prospering. Sick or healthy. Slavery or Liberty.
Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
Relapse is a part of recovery (for most folks), and the most important thing you can remember, is that you are not weaker than most people, or incapable of quitting. It’s also pretty normal to feel depressed, or even disgusted with yourself after a relapse. And hey, that’s a good thing! It helps us remember why we want to quit you’ll shake those feelings soon enough. I know for me, when I quit drinking, I powered through the first few weeks just with the memory of how horrible I felt. All the stress, anxiety, exhaustion, guilt - the not so fond, recent, vivid memories of those aspects of my addiction helped me put a nail in that coffin.