I relapsed. I don’t want to die. But fuck. I hate being in this World. I believe in God, I have faith in Christ. Whyyyyyyyy can’t I keep from this!!! I pray to God I conquer this one day. It’s so hard. I am broken. This is the HARDEST fight…
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It is a hard fight and i haven’t even made it through my first day yet. I have been sober before and it lasted months and I fell off and stayed off for a really long time. I’ve decided to take it one day at a time. I know it’s easier said than done but be kind to yourself and hop back on. You… WE can do this.
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God can’t do it for you. He shows you the way for you to do it for yourself.
I heard once that praying is asking for God’s help. Meditation is listening for his answer.
Listen. He’ll show you the way.
Maybe try a meeting??
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Try a meeting they help wish you well
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Meetings have saved me … never in my life have i felt so well and alive … i thought id never get through one day but im day 75 and loving my life … x
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AA/NA showed me where to start. Meeting at first i just listened. First 3 weeks of meeting were mandatory. After a while i chose which meeting i wanted to go to. Found an old timer for my 1st sponser. Started aftercare. All this was while i was on active duty USN. Today is day 12667. AA/NA is lifestyle change. My sobriety is my #1 priorty period. With out it everything will fail again and death is certain. The only easy day was yesterday!
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Defo got to fight the fight yourself. Your Higher Power can guide you but the hard work comes from within you! 
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I’m sorry to hear this. You can and will succeed. This journey is just that- a journey. We don’t wake up one day all better. Do some reflections today where you went wrong and correct the course for the next time. And be kind to yourself! Blessings to you.
Don’t let your disease rent space in your head. What worked for me and still works for me is asking my Higher Power for the desire to be lifted and completely taking away. It was lifted for me in the first three weeks of my recovery and I’m not the only one.
Try not to live in the future or live in your past, if you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow … Your pissing all over today. God has a plan for you, and I can tell you it has nothing to do with what you think. God put us on this journey to help others. Life/recovery is alot easier when your helping others.
Please don’t take this in a harsh way, I’m just suggesting to you, what worked for me. Meeting makers make it. What’s your primary purpose? I know what mine is.
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