Got so drunk I lost touch with my strength against this drug and friends showed up with it so I joined in and sniffed sniffed until 6am. It ruined my plans I had today to spend time with my mother and now I’m in a shame spiral exhausted and defeated resetting the clock here.
Admitting you messed up is the best way to start being clean again. Relapsing does not mean you’re weak. Everyone here is in this together. We’re here for you and know you can pick yourself up again. Be strong.
You’ve relapsed like 4 times in a little over a month now. What are you willing to do different this time? I’m not trying to be harsh but what you’ve been doing obviously isn’t working. I suggest you take time and read some on this app. There’s so much great information to help you but you have to want it. How about going to an AA or NA meeting? Dig deep inside yourself and find the strength to stay clean and sober. Reach out when you have urges and ppl on here will be happy to help you get thru it.
I relapsed again, today. After those 307 days clean, its 2 times cocaine binge. Sigh… try to stay away from alcohol if it triggers you. I quit drinking 2 years ago.
Distance yourself from those friends…
R these people really your friends or r they just people to party with… if u r serious about recovery i suggest u change the people places and things that have anything to make u weak . Maybe try a meeting with ca aa or na. Go take control back of your life cos these people won’t be worried about you and your plans with your mum they will just party and spend your money. I spent years on drugs and the regret is horrible. I wish I had this app and meetings to know about so I could of sorted myself out sooner . I was a heavy coke user then I turned to crack. I never in a million years thought I’d get that bad but that’s the progress of the illness. Please get help .
I think it’s going to help you if you identify what about sobriety scares you and work through those issues.
For example, for me my DOC is alcohol. Though I’ve definitely done some coke only when really wasted and it’s around.
To not drink basically means doing the total opposite of pretty everyone in my circle. Therefore, no participation = no friends.
Sure, we’ll go for coffee and the occasional brunch but lets be real, the invites stop coming and for me that is scary.
I had to see that that possibility is probable and basically look at it as guaranteed because in that space I could truly weight what means more to me.
Health, happiness, productivity, no more shame etc. All the beauty of sobriety… or friendships that were primarily built on getting wasted.
The thing is, if your friends are showing up with your DOC knowing fully that you are trying to be sober… are they acting in your best interest??
They’re probably not bad people, just addicted too but is their company the ones you should be keeping right now?
Did YOU invite them over?
That’s another thing I’ve done.
Deliberately hanging out with people I know want to partake in my DOC. When I invite I say to myself, I’ll just NOT drink.
It really doesn’t end well.
Being honest with myself made me see that, I was lonely in those moments.
I now work on what to do about that.
Get honest with yourself and start facing your fears.
Some people are like crabs in a bucket, and your friends sound like this:
This is the exact reason that we are told in NA to avoid alcohol, it is also a drug and lowers our inhibitions. Maybe order the NA book and learn from those that have been here before.
That is the worst. Been there, done that. Almost 11 months sober. Block and delete everyone out of your phone who doesnt bring value to your life. I did and I couldnt be happier. It’s hard, I understand. But, YOU CAN DO IT. You have to love yourself first and then you will want to change. Stop feeding the beast and start feeding your soul. I promise it will help you!
To me one of the things that scares me the most is boredom and lack of excitement im life. I know its an empty and artificial pleasure but being on coke made me think everything was a blast: from cleaning the house (yeah i used to fool myself saying i need a line or two to have fun doing house chores ) to parties and sex. “When you have tasted excess, everything else tastes bland”. This is what scares me.
Probably what works from some people doesnt work for others. From my own experience, blocking and deleting contacts dont solve the problem. They hinder things but the addict will always find a way to get his DOC. True salvation is in making the right choice: having a bag of coke in front of me and choose to walk away from it. That will be true way to be free of these demons.
Well what we currently know about neuroscience says that regular life feels boring because it is compared to the excessive chemicals flooding our brains from drugs and alcohol.
So while at the moment you’re not getting pleasurable hits from a sunrise or a fresh summer fruit and all the regular things that would normally provide a surge of dopamine, the good news is, the longer you abstain, the more your brain repairs and these little things do in fact become fun again.
Life will be boring for awhile, but little by little, that will change
I’m really summarizing a very big body of science right now but if you’re interested in learning more I’m happy to forward some videos, articles and books that I have found very helpful.
It really helps me to get informed to really understand what’s going on in my brain. The important point to retain here is that the brain and body can repair itself quite a bit.
Yes I remember reading about that and even experiencing it when i was clean for a while. You start to feel pleasure in other areas of our lives. However i still think the intensity of these experiences and pleasures dont match. A nice walk in nature makes everyone feel great but chemically i dont think it can release the same amount of dopamine of a big rail of coke in our brains. thats just science. The important thing is that the longer we stay clean, the more our brains forget that artificial and empty big release of dopamine from drugs. Its maybe like having a huge meal of junk food with empty calories: we feel good when chewing our food but the pleasure wont last more than a few minutes. It feels empty. When you eat healthy and well you feel better in the long term. Anyway, feel free to send us some videos on this post so we can improve our knowledge to win this fight!
You’re right, those experiences cannot chemically produce the same level of intensity as drugs or alcohol but thats the whole thing, the brain is never supposed to have those high levels… ever…
Which is what causes the brain to prune its receptors and release less on its own. It’s all to compensate for the artificial stimulation that totally ruins homeostasis.
Which is a major function of the brain. Gaining and maintaining homeostasis.
Wow i never thought from this perspective but it totally makes sense: the brain was never supposed to receive this overcharge of neurotransmitters. It just ruins the whole balance of it. I do note that when i was almost a year clean i was feeling “normal” and it felt good. I felt a well being that was lasting even if smaller than high. I was surprised I could have fun without the drug doing small things. I believe when we focus our minds into something we want or dont wanna do, we can achieve it. That period i didnt really wanna do anymore so it was easy. But then life changed and i felt like sending it all to hell again. Its really all about not wanting to do the thing.
Anyway, thanks for sharing the videos, i will definitely watch them today!
Awesome! I hope you do.
I think that’s kind of the best way to get sober… to learn how not to want the thing. To do that we have to face our fears, pain and actually pick apart the benefits of using and see if there are actually any truths to the supposed benefits. That’s why books like This Naked Mind, Allan Carr and Jason Vale’s books are so effective. They argue against the perceived benefits.
I think it’s important to note as well that although the brain can become more savvy with the addition of drugs and alcohol (also known as tolerance), the body does not. So while your brain can sort of stay a step ahead of your using, your organs are like WHATTHEHELLISGOINGON!!! and are struggling to keep you alive as you consume more and more of your DOC to catch that high or buzz to the same intensity.
Following the path of addiction forever just leads to death. It just does. The body and mind and spitit can take only so much.
I don’t know about you, but I refuse to go out like that.
Totally! As i got older I “wised up”: stopped mixing alcohol and coke together, its a deadly combination in your liver! Another risk we have is that our brains dont drop its tolerance but our bodies do. Many cases of death in addicts happen after a clean period when they try to use the same dosage they have done before. So advice for everyone, be specially careful when you relapse after a long period and try to avoid cocaine and alcohol together! Better avoid it altogheter!