Feeling pretty down on myself. Can’t seem to make it more than 2 weeks without failing again. I take it pretty hard and the guilt drives me to relapse again. I have tried therapy, I have done online groups, I have not tried AA or NA meetings but I did attend in the past as support for a family member and it did not feel like it was a good fit for me (community here is quite a bit older, the tone was very depressing) I am unsure what to do now. I have established the following trends in myself and maybe someone here has experiences with something similar and can give me advice on what worked for them:
-I drink often out of boredom or as a social activity but then I take it too far
-I never do drugs sober, only if I’m drinking but guaranteed if I drink I’ll do drugs
-I gamble sober or under the influence and if I have money I’ll spend it. I’ve tried game blocking apps but they can be deactivated quickly. I put in to be banned from all sites ran by a particular gambling authority, but there’s so many others!
I absolutely hear you about drinking to be more social or reduce boredom. And then drink too much and alienate people and be so hungover I can only sleep or watch crap on a screen which are hardly social or interesting.
I am glad you have tried therapy and online meetings, maybe try those again? A different therapist, try different meetings? I know in my own recovery journey things that I felt didn’t work before, I found value in later.
And if you really feel that they just aren’t working, outpatient programs or rehab would be the next step, probably.
Glad ur reaching out for help. Thru every relapse there is something that can be learned
When it comes to meetings, not every meeting i attended was a good fit for me. I had try various ones before i found my “Home Group”. Maybe trying other groups in NA and AA would be beneficial.
When it comes to boredom, I had to find other activities that peaked my interest. Whether that is getting a gym membership/working out, discovering new hobbies that uv never tried or re-starting hobbies that u lost due to addiction. I found planning my day, the night before helped me A LOT. Bcuz if i planned my day and filled it up with things to do at a particular time, the chance of boredom was slim. I had no time to be bored. Maybe planning ur day, the night before would be helpful?
When it comes to social activities, i avoided places and people where drinking and drugging would be. But i found new sober friends and activities thru the meetings. Id go for coffee after the meeting. There were dry dances, conventions, lots of fun stuff to do for a social aspect thru 12 step meetings.
As for gambling, i dont have much experience with that unfortunately but I also do believe there are GA meetings.
Hoping u dont let this relapse bring u down. Just see what u can do differently this time
If you want what you do not have, do what you have not done.
Find the ways that AA and NA can work for you. Consider intensive outpatient or inpatient rehab - again, find ways that you can make that work for you.
You do not know how to stay sober, you have proved that. The people in AA, the people on Talking Sober, they know how to do that. Listen to their advice, be willing to try with honest effort what they suggest, what they relate that worked for them. For me, it was a group effort. I was on Antabuse and going to individual counseling, then substituted AA for the Antabuse, was held radically accountable by the court system, worked the steps of AA diligently and honestly with a sponsor, and finally completed an IOP program as part of my DUI sentencing requirements.
If I can get sober, anyone can. You can, and you deserve a happy sober life. Blessings on your house as you begin your journey.
Just because it did not jive before does not mean that it will not help now. Maybe a different therapist of a different meeting? Also different type of groups to try like Recovery Dharma or Smart Recovery.
Boredom is a serious killer and cause for many a relapse. My key here was to stay busy. At the beginning my energy was super low so it was mainly watching tv, puzzles and playing games on my phone but then later and even to this day I keep my mind and body occupied. When the urges do come I do give them room to fester and grow. For me the more I think about it then I feel like I just have to cave or I’ll explode - I stopped thinking about it and I didn’t explode.
I also took myself out of social gatherings where I would be around alcohol. NYE was only 10 days after I quit and we were hosting. I made a quick appearance and made sure that I had plenty of AF drink options but then stayed in my safe corner away from the addictive behavior. I was fortunate enough to be around others that were not drinking at the moment but had the plan to escape into my room if I felt unstable. After that I kept away from any triggering situations / people until I felt super ready. AND even then I was prepared with a way to handle the situation and have a exit strategy.
I wasn’t into any harsh drugs so do not have a an answer here except to say that if you can give up the alcohol then all else will fall into place so this is where you should be concentrating.
Gambling is also not my DOC but I have heard my friends say that the following has helped them:
a- create a separate account for your pay so that you don’t have a debit card or easy access to it. This is the card your auto payments will be linked to when you set it up
b- give log in passwords and cards to a family member you trust and get a allowance for what you may need daily (i know this may sound tough and feel like something is being taken away from you but in the end it is for your own benefit)
c - if you don’t have anyone that is trustworthy with you money and information then the blocks may need to go up and if possible get a phone / internet service where sites can not be allowed. I am not savvy in this but do know its possible - maybe some tips on the threads where gambling addiction is discussed or at a GA meeting.
You are not alone my friend and you are putting in the daily effort so keep up the great work. We are all here rooting for you
Was hoping to find other options than 12 step programs. I looked into recovery Dharma but there’s nothing close to me however online remains an option.
Same thing for smart recovery.
Today was an ok day. I’m pretty tired honestly. Just like mentally exhausted.
as you begin your journey.